So
Last night we went to our second counseling session. It was a difficult one. We had to write down 10 reasons why we fell in love with each other. We had to look at each other and read these things to the other person. Then we had to share 5 things we want to change about ourselves whether or not we are in the relationship and 5 things we can do to become a better partner. Then we had to explain ways to achieve one of those things. Anyway, it ended with her asking if we want to set up an appointment then or call her. I let him decide this time, but he said he'd call her. Basically, he doesn't know if he can ever love me the way I want him to. Afterwards we stood in the parking lot and he apologized for not really knowing how to love. I asked for a kiss and told him that whether or not he ended it, I got one more kiss and he started crying. Ive never seen him cry over me before. He tells me he just wants me to be happy. Basically we're not supposed to talk or see each other. He's supposed to let me know whether he thinks he's ready to work on this relationship or not. Then, after that is decided, we dont talk again until the next session. Im just supposed to continue working on my own things because they are things that *I* want to change about myself.
Here's my list:
1. I need to love myself and make changes where I would like to make them
2. I need to create a set work schedule
3. I need to become more organized in my workplace and in my everyday life.
4. I need to learn to manage money better. I would like to be able to save more.
5. I would like to be a better friend because I feel like I have neglected people.
When I wrote that list it really started to inspire me. Ive been trying to keep my house clean. I cleaned out most of the garage. I can actually park in there now. I also figured out what pots and pans I wanted to keep, cleaned them all and put them away. Same with my new Glasses I got, and I got rid of the old ones. I had a trash can full of crap I threw out and another one full of all the boxes I cleaned out of the garage. I got all the laundry done in the house. I organized my drawers and my closet. Ive gotten most of my office cleaned up. It feels good. Ive also made sure that Ive ben going to my trainer every day. Ive been running on my treadmill for 10-15 minutes a day. I figure I can slowly work into longer runs. So far that takes care of 1,2, and 3. Ive also tried to be more available for my friends. Ive had my friend Emily over a bunch. I made sure to go out with friends when we had an OLP/Saints Theater reunion. It was really nice and my friend Jen came back and spent the night with me :) We talked a ton and watched this old movie that we were both extras in. We laughed and discussed our relationships and it was so nice. Ive missed my friends. I guess the only thing left on that list is the money management. Im really going to be struggling for a bit. Im paying 1400/month for this place. I only make 1200 a paycheck and Im not allowed to get a roomate. So I just have to be careful with my money. Don't spend what I dont need to. Scott is giving me money for bills for this month. Basically after bills, I have to have 400 left over so that come rent time I can pay 1400 rent and 200 to my trainer because Im NOT getting rid of him. My mom said she'll help me, but I really dont want to ask her because she's not happy about this situation. She's never been a huge fan of the relationship, but she wants me to be happy.
He just sent me a text while I was writing this. He said, "The best thing about last night was seeing your beautiful smile and the worst things was knowing how bad I let you down. My heart aches. I just want you to be happy." I dont really know what to say back to that :/ The problem is he MAKES me happy. The bad stuff that comes up isnt all the time. Its usually only when he gets in a bad mood :/.
Im just really lost right now in the relationship, but even if nothing comes out of this relationship, the counseling sessions have helped me alot.
Here's my list:
1. I need to love myself and make changes where I would like to make them
2. I need to create a set work schedule
3. I need to become more organized in my workplace and in my everyday life.
4. I need to learn to manage money better. I would like to be able to save more.
5. I would like to be a better friend because I feel like I have neglected people.
When I wrote that list it really started to inspire me. Ive been trying to keep my house clean. I cleaned out most of the garage. I can actually park in there now. I also figured out what pots and pans I wanted to keep, cleaned them all and put them away. Same with my new Glasses I got, and I got rid of the old ones. I had a trash can full of crap I threw out and another one full of all the boxes I cleaned out of the garage. I got all the laundry done in the house. I organized my drawers and my closet. Ive gotten most of my office cleaned up. It feels good. Ive also made sure that Ive ben going to my trainer every day. Ive been running on my treadmill for 10-15 minutes a day. I figure I can slowly work into longer runs. So far that takes care of 1,2, and 3. Ive also tried to be more available for my friends. Ive had my friend Emily over a bunch. I made sure to go out with friends when we had an OLP/Saints Theater reunion. It was really nice and my friend Jen came back and spent the night with me :) We talked a ton and watched this old movie that we were both extras in. We laughed and discussed our relationships and it was so nice. Ive missed my friends. I guess the only thing left on that list is the money management. Im really going to be struggling for a bit. Im paying 1400/month for this place. I only make 1200 a paycheck and Im not allowed to get a roomate. So I just have to be careful with my money. Don't spend what I dont need to. Scott is giving me money for bills for this month. Basically after bills, I have to have 400 left over so that come rent time I can pay 1400 rent and 200 to my trainer because Im NOT getting rid of him. My mom said she'll help me, but I really dont want to ask her because she's not happy about this situation. She's never been a huge fan of the relationship, but she wants me to be happy.
He just sent me a text while I was writing this. He said, "The best thing about last night was seeing your beautiful smile and the worst things was knowing how bad I let you down. My heart aches. I just want you to be happy." I dont really know what to say back to that :/ The problem is he MAKES me happy. The bad stuff that comes up isnt all the time. Its usually only when he gets in a bad mood :/.
Im just really lost right now in the relationship, but even if nothing comes out of this relationship, the counseling sessions have helped me alot.