Lack-of-zen and the art of being an emotional trainwreck
I'm not entirely packed yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly packed. But both of us keep putting it off as far as we can because, well, to be frank? Neither of us really wants to go.
At least, I'm pretty sure. I keep sharing sideways looks with Sherri, or silences when we're discussing boxes or the trucks or the move. And I think (hey, I'm not inside someone else's head) but I think we're both already mourning this place and all the fun we had. Because rest assured, besides all the crap where we butted heads (usually over money stuff, sometimes over other things), 95% of it was good. 95% of it was having someone to walk to work with every morning, having someone to come home with at night, having someone to watch movies with and make references with and go out to dinner with.
My brain is entirely scrambled to the point where I haven't been able to finish a thread in fandomhigh for two weeks and I feel like an absolute failure there, especially because one pup has been putting together the play and doing various plots and I TOTALLY flubbed on setting up performance dates, etc. I'm kind of half-modding things at roads_untaken (which you should totally join ^_^; end of pimping NOW) and half letting Deb do the work. My plans to get back to Milliways are stalled.
And then there's moving back to my parent's. I just... I'm not worried about moving there. I don't DISLIKE my parents, or my siblings. It just feels like a failure of sorts, that I can't just get an apartment after this. No, I'm moving back with my parents after being out for three years and you know what they say about a snake and his skin. It just... I love them and I want to be with them more, and I know my mom is going to need the support with my dad going for knee surgery, but I still can't help but feel like I've failed somewhere.
One of my best friends is moving back to Virginia, jobless, and in need of medical care for her chronic condition because she doesn't want to 'mooch' off of me anymore.
My RP fu is weak and I'm letting people down, especially those involved with the play at FH and the new players at RU who deserve to have the game start with a bang.
I'm moving back in with my parents, where I'll be using my sister's car (well, she doesn't have a license yet and it used to be my car but now it's her car) and paying a small rent until I can pay off enough and save a little to get myself an apartment.
The amalgam of failboat, I can has it.
Urge to crawl up into a ball is starting again, which isn't good, but at least it's only the 'urge' and not yet any flat out desire to. It could be worse. But yeah, just... gah. Lots of gah. WORLD of gah. I'm just going to be 'gah' for a bit. Sorry. Sorry to, like, everyone. Gaaaah.
At least, I'm pretty sure. I keep sharing sideways looks with Sherri, or silences when we're discussing boxes or the trucks or the move. And I think (hey, I'm not inside someone else's head) but I think we're both already mourning this place and all the fun we had. Because rest assured, besides all the crap where we butted heads (usually over money stuff, sometimes over other things), 95% of it was good. 95% of it was having someone to walk to work with every morning, having someone to come home with at night, having someone to watch movies with and make references with and go out to dinner with.
My brain is entirely scrambled to the point where I haven't been able to finish a thread in fandomhigh for two weeks and I feel like an absolute failure there, especially because one pup has been putting together the play and doing various plots and I TOTALLY flubbed on setting up performance dates, etc. I'm kind of half-modding things at roads_untaken (which you should totally join ^_^; end of pimping NOW) and half letting Deb do the work. My plans to get back to Milliways are stalled.
And then there's moving back to my parent's. I just... I'm not worried about moving there. I don't DISLIKE my parents, or my siblings. It just feels like a failure of sorts, that I can't just get an apartment after this. No, I'm moving back with my parents after being out for three years and you know what they say about a snake and his skin. It just... I love them and I want to be with them more, and I know my mom is going to need the support with my dad going for knee surgery, but I still can't help but feel like I've failed somewhere.
One of my best friends is moving back to Virginia, jobless, and in need of medical care for her chronic condition because she doesn't want to 'mooch' off of me anymore.
My RP fu is weak and I'm letting people down, especially those involved with the play at FH and the new players at RU who deserve to have the game start with a bang.
I'm moving back in with my parents, where I'll be using my sister's car (well, she doesn't have a license yet and it used to be my car but now it's her car) and paying a small rent until I can pay off enough and save a little to get myself an apartment.
The amalgam of failboat, I can has it.
Urge to crawl up into a ball is starting again, which isn't good, but at least it's only the 'urge' and not yet any flat out desire to. It could be worse. But yeah, just... gah. Lots of gah. WORLD of gah. I'm just going to be 'gah' for a bit. Sorry. Sorry to, like, everyone. Gaaaah.