sick , sad and stupid
Well, I just got back from Florida 6 days ago already I have lost control of everything in my life. Its like as soon as I get into the city limits of this hello hole everything for my crumbles down..Sean cheated on me, my "friends" ditch me , i gained 4 pounds and its my fault because I have been being ugly and eating but this summer, Im not going to fail or have to fail anymore because no one can make me go to a depression clinic or an eating disorder place ever again because now im 18 and in a couple of weeks i will be moving out of my house and living in an apartment by myself and then i really will have no trouble becoming 100 pounds finally - no one to tell me to eat no one the treaten me no one to say anything...I can cut all i want not be socialble just live like i want to until i want the world to see me again...i hate how ugly i am right now i hate everything about me more that ever and i cant wait till im out but starting tomorrow the 29th the fast begins...im stronger than all temptations and if i ever want to actually get another boyfriend i better start now because obvisously i will never be as pretty as nikki or heather until i lose weight and change everything about my ugly self inside and out...