Thoughts on graduation
For the last month I've been working on my master's thesis. Oh sure I worked on it before that, but there were distractions: work, prepping for my teaching examinations, making up some incomplete grades. For the last month, though, my thesis has been like a full time job, albeit one with flexible hours. Now, thankfully, I'm finally wrapping it up. I got the first draft back from my advisor, and she liked it. That makes me happy on one hand because I won't have to do any major rewrites this weekend, and on the other hand becuase her feedback validated the work I've been doing. You see, on account of the program I'm in my major is technically, "Humanities and Social Thought." This means that writing a thesis in this program is largely an exercise in spewing bullshit and sounding clever about it. Furthermore, it is an excercise that is done largely in isolation. Sure I could have asked questions along the way, but in addition to being unnecessary all they would have done was draw attention to how much I had procrastinated in this whole process. Getting some positive feedback lets me know that there might actually be some academic merrit to my work and evidence that it's not all the big sham I sometimes worry it might be.
Which brings me to my degree in general. I am not sure that I have learned a single useful thing from any of the classes that I've taken in two years of grad school, or at least nothing that would be useful to someone other than a professional academic. I guess that's my own fault for deciding NOT to be a carreer academic so late in the process (this fall), but it doesn't make me feel very good about the additional student loans I've saddled myself (and Ashley) with. There have been some lessons learned, however.
Lesson #1: Over specialization has its consequences. Unlike the quirky professors that end up teaching at schools like Western Oregon University, any carreer academics, at least in the humanities, that take themselves seriously are self-important pricks who have completely skewed perspectives on reality. I learned that I would not be able to get up in the moringing and take myself seriously if all I really know how to talk about were dead 19th and 20th century German philosophers (which is where I was headed).
Lesson #2: I'm not special. In high school, I found out it wasn't enough to show up to band practice and fake my way through the music since the kids who were good always practiced 4 hours a night or something. Graduate humanities is kinda the same way. Just doing the reading and being naturally insightful wasn't enough to set me apart from the pack. The students who stand out are the ones who eat, breath, drink, piss, and shit their subject of interest. Maybe I never found anything that I thought was that important, or maybe I just don't have it in me to be that narrowly focused. Either way, that's not me.
Lesson #3: Family is a priority. I've never been an especially ambitious person--never really lusted for power, fame, or popularity--so it's not like I wanted to go to grad school and eventually get a Ph.D. for the status. I guess I just thought I could, and so I owed it to myself to make sure that I realized my full potential. There are some problems here, though. If one goes to all the work to get a Ph.D. one better be prepared to work in that field, and since the job market for philosophy professors sucks one had better go to a good school (because it dosen't actually matter how smart you are, just how highly ranked the program is that gave you your degree). Good schools, in addtion to costing a fortune, are all in shitty places to live if you're not stinking rich. Double that if one is married. Then, once one graduates, one had better be prepared to do a couple of one year visiting professor fellowships at universities all over the country or, alternatively, become an underpaid adjunct somewhere. Clearly this sucks, even more so if one has a spouse that it trying to pursue a carreer too. Finally, if one does manage to find a tenure track position somewhere, it's a geographic crap shoot. It's one thing to go to school in a shit hole because that's where the good teaching happens, it's quite another to have to put down roots in one because that's the only place that will give you a job. Two years ago I thought I could deal with all that. Now, not so much. All I want now is to find a really nice place to settle down and get ready to have a family. I want to have the security of a house that I can paint and a garden I can muck around in without having to pick up and leave at the end of the year. And I'd like it before I'm 35.
Lesson #4: I really like teaching. I always kinda knew I liked teaching, but now I know for sure. Since I started at NYU, I've taken a number of teaching gigs to try to keep that student loan balance down. They've been in some really shitty places, and often I hated dragging my ass to Staten Island, Coney Island, or South Jamaica just to teach for an hour and a half, but when I was teaching I enjoyed what I was doing. On top of that, I can get a job as a teacher anywhere. That means that once I do this two year stint with NYC teaching fellows (and get another masters degree in education), Ashley and I can move anywhere we want and I'll be able to find a job.
So I guess I have learned stuff, but I think they fall into the category of "life lessons." If I had to do it all over again I'm not sure that I would choose to pay the tens of thousands of dollars that these lessons have cost me (and Ashley), but I don't feel completely horrible about the whole situation. I'll also have a master's degree from NYU to show for my trouble, and the alumni network that comes with it. If that's enough to land me a sweet job as a high school principle somewhere dowen the line, then I guess it was worth the price tag.
As for graduation itself, I'm starting to look forward to it. Washington Square Park is torn up this year, so NYU moved the university wide commencement to Yankee Stadium, and they expect to fill the place. Not my idea of a good time. Fortunately, though, the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences will have a (slightly) more intimate ceremony held at the same time at Avery Fischer Hall in Lincon Center. I opted for the smaller one. Also, my parents are flying into town to see me walk and to play tourists in NYC for a week. I'm not sure how they'll like the city and I don't know if I'll be able to put up with my dad for a week, but hey they're my folks and I'm excited to see them.