you'll stop exploding

[danielmaydie]

grandaddy withdrew from being alive on wednesday.
i'm going to utah to help everyone hide his body under the ground. beneath the dirt.

i could point out that there are a bunch of massive, clunky thoughts buzzing around my mind, but
this is usually my natural state. my default of being so "in it all the time."

i'm not...sad, and i'm not trying to be sad, really. i do feel a responsibility to summon forth a
kind of somber attitude. out of respect, or from a sense of obligation toward long standing
traditions, but i'm not sad. my grandmother began travelling as soon as she heard his condition
was rapidly deteriorating. he was gone less than an hour after she arrived. oh, that's what gets
me. i'm a sucker for that kind of thing. no i think it would've been sad if he'd been made to go
on like he was for very much longer. or if my grandma hadn't been able to say goodbye one last
time.

or if he hadn't lived his life. oh, that gets me too. his life...was larger than many others, and it
belonged entirely to himself.

he only shared it with us.