cacophony
the other day? when my harsh demeanor caused someone
to lock their car doors as i was walking past? i
lost my beanie on the walk back to work. i didn't
really mind though. it seemed like i was almost glad
it had fallen out of my back pocket. i looked all
sorts of terrible with it on top of my head. that
was yesterday?
once again i have failed to make it back home in the
night. my sister's home is all too conveniently
located much closer than mine, and not at all out
of the way. i actually put an extra shirt in my
truck yesterday, but i forgot to pack an extra-extra
shirt. so i warned everyone at work today that i
would probably be wearing the same shirt again
tomorrow. this was generally well received and
casually dismissed. not exactly a strict group of
individuals when it comes to personal hygiene.
oh well.
lately i've been debating and wondering what's to
become of me over the next six months. it's probably
not too late to...well, with the county system how
it's been, nevermind, it probably IS too late to
crash a bunch of courses. online or otherwise. do i
sign another 6 month lease? i know i'm one to talk here,
but three out of four neighbors are creeper status.
roommates? another studio somewhere even worse?
i'm disappointed that i'm not back in school. i know
it sounds like an excuse, and it probably is, but
i can't say my (lack of) health has had nothing to
do with it. i just haven't felt 'up to' much since
february and the crazy vertigo attack. i even started
an extremely light workout routine on...friday. was
supposed to do a few sets tonight but, overtime was
like, hey wanna get paid? cool, you're not workin out
then. and i've been beat. i've just been so beat.
maybe if this was ten years ago i'd find it easier to
say fuck it, sleep when i'm dead, and fill up my days
with work and school work. not maybe, i would find it
easier.
i just wanna plug headphones into a keyboard and get
lost. headphones keep the sound away from everyone else,
save it just for my ears because you don't love it as much
as i do. if i could play an acoustic guitar and keep the
noise from reaching anyone else i'm sure i'd still be
playing that more often. or at all.
heck i'm just shy. which is a total dick move on any
shy person't part because it requires the world to
come and get you, if they want to have you at all.
situations. scenarios. living conditions. qualities
of life. music, literature, art. the futility of
just plain work vs. developing a proud career.
the quietly shrieking traumatic tone everyday
situations begin to adopt as your eyeballs get
rubbed across the screen in 1080p. i'm LIVING
here? you call this a place? you call this
living? you call these people? i call me a person?
i have lost it. off the deep end i have gone.
over my head, and in.
i have to go to sleep now. i just have to.
to lock their car doors as i was walking past? i
lost my beanie on the walk back to work. i didn't
really mind though. it seemed like i was almost glad
it had fallen out of my back pocket. i looked all
sorts of terrible with it on top of my head. that
was yesterday?
once again i have failed to make it back home in the
night. my sister's home is all too conveniently
located much closer than mine, and not at all out
of the way. i actually put an extra shirt in my
truck yesterday, but i forgot to pack an extra-extra
shirt. so i warned everyone at work today that i
would probably be wearing the same shirt again
tomorrow. this was generally well received and
casually dismissed. not exactly a strict group of
individuals when it comes to personal hygiene.
oh well.
lately i've been debating and wondering what's to
become of me over the next six months. it's probably
not too late to...well, with the county system how
it's been, nevermind, it probably IS too late to
crash a bunch of courses. online or otherwise. do i
sign another 6 month lease? i know i'm one to talk here,
but three out of four neighbors are creeper status.
roommates? another studio somewhere even worse?
i'm disappointed that i'm not back in school. i know
it sounds like an excuse, and it probably is, but
i can't say my (lack of) health has had nothing to
do with it. i just haven't felt 'up to' much since
february and the crazy vertigo attack. i even started
an extremely light workout routine on...friday. was
supposed to do a few sets tonight but, overtime was
like, hey wanna get paid? cool, you're not workin out
then. and i've been beat. i've just been so beat.
maybe if this was ten years ago i'd find it easier to
say fuck it, sleep when i'm dead, and fill up my days
with work and school work. not maybe, i would find it
easier.
i just wanna plug headphones into a keyboard and get
lost. headphones keep the sound away from everyone else,
save it just for my ears because you don't love it as much
as i do. if i could play an acoustic guitar and keep the
noise from reaching anyone else i'm sure i'd still be
playing that more often. or at all.
heck i'm just shy. which is a total dick move on any
shy person't part because it requires the world to
come and get you, if they want to have you at all.
situations. scenarios. living conditions. qualities
of life. music, literature, art. the futility of
just plain work vs. developing a proud career.
the quietly shrieking traumatic tone everyday
situations begin to adopt as your eyeballs get
rubbed across the screen in 1080p. i'm LIVING
here? you call this a place? you call this
living? you call these people? i call me a person?
i have lost it. off the deep end i have gone.
over my head, and in.
i have to go to sleep now. i just have to.