Feeling Melancholy
I sit here at twenty to two in the morning, reading old posts and reliving where I've been and how I got here. It has been nearly two years since I've posted and a lot has happened since. I graduated from Houghton College, accomplishing something I've never done before; finishing something I've started. I am working two jobs and am living in a real house, albeit one that I am renting from Hilary's grandparents.
The real reason I'm posting is because I'm about to become a father. My first child is to be born next week or so and I'm scared. Will I be a good dad? Will I raise my child to be a successful and useful member of society? A child that will love humanity and respect life, a child who will be generous and show compassion toward his fellow man? Will my child repeat the mistakes I made in high school; dropping out, not caring enough, hurting the only girl I've ever truly loved other than my wife? I hope to God that he/she won't do what I have done and becomes an even more passionate committed Christian than me.
I can't sleep, and I don't know why. Too often have I sat and looked back at my past with regret. I know that I've written many times before, but I have to say it again, if you read this Liz I want you to know that I'm so very happy for you and David and I'm glad that you've found a good and happy life. I only wish that we had stayed friends and that I hadn't caused you so much pain. I pray for you regularly and I hope that I didn't negatively impact your view of God in any way. You remain my fondest memory of High School and I never want to forget that I did truly love you once and still wish only the best for you.
The real reason I'm posting is because I'm about to become a father. My first child is to be born next week or so and I'm scared. Will I be a good dad? Will I raise my child to be a successful and useful member of society? A child that will love humanity and respect life, a child who will be generous and show compassion toward his fellow man? Will my child repeat the mistakes I made in high school; dropping out, not caring enough, hurting the only girl I've ever truly loved other than my wife? I hope to God that he/she won't do what I have done and becomes an even more passionate committed Christian than me.
I can't sleep, and I don't know why. Too often have I sat and looked back at my past with regret. I know that I've written many times before, but I have to say it again, if you read this Liz I want you to know that I'm so very happy for you and David and I'm glad that you've found a good and happy life. I only wish that we had stayed friends and that I hadn't caused you so much pain. I pray for you regularly and I hope that I didn't negatively impact your view of God in any way. You remain my fondest memory of High School and I never want to forget that I did truly love you once and still wish only the best for you.