Homework help plox
Because nobody ever corrects my grammars when we peer edit. Ever. Everyone seems to have gotten the idea that I somehow do not make any mistakes in my writing or they just don't realize it is a mistake when they look over it. This has made me terribly, terribly paranoid of turning in writing that I screwed up on but it just hasn't been caught.
So, that's where you guys come in!
If you have a spare minute, I'd really, really appreciate if you could read my book (yes, book) and check for grammar/punctuation/etc. It's a kid's book, so I'm trying to keep the language simple and kind of informal. Also it may or may not slightly reference a certain Renge post as made by Scarfle. It also also may or may not be ridiculously cheesy and clichéd. The numbers can mostly be ignored - it just indicates the page for when I actually put the writing on the images.
The Secret Treasure
1
Once there were two girls named Rayann and Brenda. They were best friends, and shared a secret base. This was where they kept their secret stuff, including their secret dog, Spot.
2
Their secret base had secret slides and secret lights. They had secret beanbag chairs and secret glowing stars hanging from the ceiling. But most secret of all...
3
...was their secret treasure box. It was filled with all kinds of secret things. It was so secret, they had to hide it in a super secret place in their secret base.
4
“I wonder what we should put in our secret treasure box next,” said Brenda. “Let’s find some new jewelry,” suggested Rayann. “We can even put in money!”
5
“Money? Jewelry?” Outside, a nosy girl named Jamie listened in. She had followed them to their secret base, making it not-so-secret anymore. Not that they knew that. “Sounds like a real secret to me! I bet everyone at school would want to hear about it, too.” Nobody liked Jamie when she tried to learn their secrets, but everyone listened when she revealed what she had found out.
6
When Rayann and Brenda went to school the next day, Jamie was announcing the secrets of the week to all of class 12. “Kelly has a crush on James!” she shouted for all to hear. “Ewwww!” screeched the class. When Jamie noticed that Rayann and Brenda had entered, she began to smirk. “I know an even better secret!” she said.
7
“Brenda and Rayann have a secret base and a secret treasure that they’re hiding from everyone, and I know where it is!” Jamie screamed. The whole class gasped, and fell silent before staring at Rayann and Brenda.
8
“You’re lying,” said James, but he didn’t sound very sure of himself. “No I’m not,” said Jamie. “I’ll prove it!” She began to head for the secret base. The rest of the class followed uncertainly.
9
Sure enough, Jamie led the class straight to the secret base. “Here it is,” she said proudly. “But where’s the treasure?” asked Anthony. “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Brenda and Rayann?” The class turned to look at the two.
10
Brenda and Rayann did not know what to do. When they did not answer, Jamie huffed, “If you won’t tell us, we’ll find it ourselves!” Before anyone could stop her, Jamie ran into the base. The other students followed her, unsure.
11
“Look for the treasure!” Jamie said as she dug through a set of drawers. “Leave no beanbag chair unturned! It’s a treasure hunt!” Suddenly, the children became excited. Everyone began looking for the treasure.
12
CRASH! The slide was pushed over. RRRIP! The beanbag chairs were torn to pieces. CLATTER! The glowing stars were pulled down from the ceiling.
But no one found the treasure.
13
“STOP IT!” Rayann screamed. The room fell silent as everyone stopped looking. “You’re ruining our secret base!”
“Then show us your treasure!” Jamie demanded from across the room. “Tell us where it is!”
“I have it,” said Brenda quietly. All eyes turned towards her. In her hands was a small treasure box.
14
“Give it to me!” Jamie grabbed the box from Brenda’s hands and threw open the lid. Inside were...
Rocks.
Pennies.
Seashells.
Old toys... ...and a broken watch.
15
“This isn’t treasure!” Jamie said. “This is just junk!”
“No it’s not!” Brenda said. “It’s our treasure!”
“Everything we put in there is something we found together,” Rayann explained. “Just like we built the base - together.” All of the kids looked guiltily at the inside of the base. It was wrecked.
16
“I’ll help you fix it,” said Anthony after a moment of silence. “Me, too,” said George. “We shouldn’t have broken everything like that. We’re sorry.”
“It’s okay. We’ll all fix it - together,” Rayann said with a smile. Jamie didn’t say anything. She sat quietly to the side with the treasure box.
17
In no time at all, the slide was put up, and all of the stars hung from the ceiling. Someone had found duct tape and put the beanbag chairs together again. Everyone cheered.
That is, everyone except for Jamie. Jamie had sat in the corner the whole time. She was crying.
18
“I-I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I-I didn’t mean to mess everything up. I just wanted to see y-your base, because n-nobody ever shares secrets with me. When I heard about the t-treasure, I got carried away.”
“It’s okay,” said Brenda. “This base will be our secret. A secret place for our class only!”
“Really?” Jamie asked. “Really!” said Rayann. Everyone murmured in agreement. “From now on, this isn’t just our secret base. It’s Room-12’s secret base!” Everyone cheered happily, and Jamie began to smile shyly. “It’s our secret, then,” she said with a grin. “A secret for all of us to keep - together.”
Super special awesome thanks to anyone who actually wastes gives their precious time to read this crap >_>;
*Runs to work on more assignments!*
So, that's where you guys come in!
If you have a spare minute, I'd really, really appreciate if you could read my book (yes, book) and check for grammar/punctuation/etc. It's a kid's book, so I'm trying to keep the language simple and kind of informal. Also it may or may not slightly reference a certain Renge post as made by Scarfle. It also also may or may not be ridiculously cheesy and clichéd. The numbers can mostly be ignored - it just indicates the page for when I actually put the writing on the images.
The Secret Treasure
1
Once there were two girls named Rayann and Brenda. They were best friends, and shared a secret base. This was where they kept their secret stuff, including their secret dog, Spot.
2
Their secret base had secret slides and secret lights. They had secret beanbag chairs and secret glowing stars hanging from the ceiling. But most secret of all...
3
...was their secret treasure box. It was filled with all kinds of secret things. It was so secret, they had to hide it in a super secret place in their secret base.
4
“I wonder what we should put in our secret treasure box next,” said Brenda. “Let’s find some new jewelry,” suggested Rayann. “We can even put in money!”
5
“Money? Jewelry?” Outside, a nosy girl named Jamie listened in. She had followed them to their secret base, making it not-so-secret anymore. Not that they knew that. “Sounds like a real secret to me! I bet everyone at school would want to hear about it, too.” Nobody liked Jamie when she tried to learn their secrets, but everyone listened when she revealed what she had found out.
6
When Rayann and Brenda went to school the next day, Jamie was announcing the secrets of the week to all of class 12. “Kelly has a crush on James!” she shouted for all to hear. “Ewwww!” screeched the class. When Jamie noticed that Rayann and Brenda had entered, she began to smirk. “I know an even better secret!” she said.
7
“Brenda and Rayann have a secret base and a secret treasure that they’re hiding from everyone, and I know where it is!” Jamie screamed. The whole class gasped, and fell silent before staring at Rayann and Brenda.
8
“You’re lying,” said James, but he didn’t sound very sure of himself. “No I’m not,” said Jamie. “I’ll prove it!” She began to head for the secret base. The rest of the class followed uncertainly.
9
Sure enough, Jamie led the class straight to the secret base. “Here it is,” she said proudly. “But where’s the treasure?” asked Anthony. “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Brenda and Rayann?” The class turned to look at the two.
10
Brenda and Rayann did not know what to do. When they did not answer, Jamie huffed, “If you won’t tell us, we’ll find it ourselves!” Before anyone could stop her, Jamie ran into the base. The other students followed her, unsure.
11
“Look for the treasure!” Jamie said as she dug through a set of drawers. “Leave no beanbag chair unturned! It’s a treasure hunt!” Suddenly, the children became excited. Everyone began looking for the treasure.
12
CRASH! The slide was pushed over. RRRIP! The beanbag chairs were torn to pieces. CLATTER! The glowing stars were pulled down from the ceiling.
But no one found the treasure.
13
“STOP IT!” Rayann screamed. The room fell silent as everyone stopped looking. “You’re ruining our secret base!”
“Then show us your treasure!” Jamie demanded from across the room. “Tell us where it is!”
“I have it,” said Brenda quietly. All eyes turned towards her. In her hands was a small treasure box.
14
“Give it to me!” Jamie grabbed the box from Brenda’s hands and threw open the lid. Inside were...
Rocks.
Pennies.
Seashells.
Old toys... ...and a broken watch.
15
“This isn’t treasure!” Jamie said. “This is just junk!”
“No it’s not!” Brenda said. “It’s our treasure!”
“Everything we put in there is something we found together,” Rayann explained. “Just like we built the base - together.” All of the kids looked guiltily at the inside of the base. It was wrecked.
16
“I’ll help you fix it,” said Anthony after a moment of silence. “Me, too,” said George. “We shouldn’t have broken everything like that. We’re sorry.”
“It’s okay. We’ll all fix it - together,” Rayann said with a smile. Jamie didn’t say anything. She sat quietly to the side with the treasure box.
17
In no time at all, the slide was put up, and all of the stars hung from the ceiling. Someone had found duct tape and put the beanbag chairs together again. Everyone cheered.
That is, everyone except for Jamie. Jamie had sat in the corner the whole time. She was crying.
18
“I-I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I-I didn’t mean to mess everything up. I just wanted to see y-your base, because n-nobody ever shares secrets with me. When I heard about the t-treasure, I got carried away.”
“It’s okay,” said Brenda. “This base will be our secret. A secret place for our class only!”
“Really?” Jamie asked. “Really!” said Rayann. Everyone murmured in agreement. “From now on, this isn’t just our secret base. It’s Room-12’s secret base!” Everyone cheered happily, and Jamie began to smile shyly. “It’s our secret, then,” she said with a grin. “A secret for all of us to keep - together.”
Super special awesome thanks to anyone who actually wastes gives their precious time to read this crap >_>;
*Runs to work on more assignments!*