quickly before bed...
i'm going to bed in a minute. its 12:30 and i'm tired.
things are finally manageable.
vacation was okay. i dont know. my thoughts are still beyond my grasp and my heart is still wondering if it wants to beat. but things are going to be okay. i'm going to be okay.
lets just say the past 2, 3 weeks... have been hell. in every way.
pathetic how knowing someone for such a short amount of time can still send you out of control like that. i cant even.. i just cant explain it. i still dont know whats going to happen.
but i'm going to be okay. if i keep saying it, it must be true. i only have to make it to august. then i'm moving away from it and into a new area with new faces to start over.
i'm really good at masking my misery turns out. either that or i'm really attractive when i want to die. 3 guys in 2 weeks have started texting me, and constantly reminding me that they want me and that i'm gorgeous. its a nice thing to have, but one is getting out of hand, i know he wants somthing serious. i cant do anything. they idea of being touched by anyone else makes me want to die. its fucked up too.. he's cute, funny, nice, and clearly interested. i just cant do it. another one.. well he's jsut funny and a good guy to talk to. but what do i do? i cant function.
but things really are looking better. i've been getting in shape, kicking ass at the gym.. i've been hanging out with my friends. the ones that i dont hang out with enough. and i'm trying to just enjoy my last months of ct while i can. i know i'll miss it, despite my hatred towards it. i'm trying to party it up while i can. take advantage of the fact that i have a car and a life. when i go to california, its bye bye beautiful concorde, hello public bus system.
okay. time for bed...
things are finally manageable.
vacation was okay. i dont know. my thoughts are still beyond my grasp and my heart is still wondering if it wants to beat. but things are going to be okay. i'm going to be okay.
lets just say the past 2, 3 weeks... have been hell. in every way.
pathetic how knowing someone for such a short amount of time can still send you out of control like that. i cant even.. i just cant explain it. i still dont know whats going to happen.
but i'm going to be okay. if i keep saying it, it must be true. i only have to make it to august. then i'm moving away from it and into a new area with new faces to start over.
i'm really good at masking my misery turns out. either that or i'm really attractive when i want to die. 3 guys in 2 weeks have started texting me, and constantly reminding me that they want me and that i'm gorgeous. its a nice thing to have, but one is getting out of hand, i know he wants somthing serious. i cant do anything. they idea of being touched by anyone else makes me want to die. its fucked up too.. he's cute, funny, nice, and clearly interested. i just cant do it. another one.. well he's jsut funny and a good guy to talk to. but what do i do? i cant function.
but things really are looking better. i've been getting in shape, kicking ass at the gym.. i've been hanging out with my friends. the ones that i dont hang out with enough. and i'm trying to just enjoy my last months of ct while i can. i know i'll miss it, despite my hatred towards it. i'm trying to party it up while i can. take advantage of the fact that i have a car and a life. when i go to california, its bye bye beautiful concorde, hello public bus system.
okay. time for bed...