the way your lips feel, and your fingernails..
I have such mixed emotions about everything lately.
I mean yesterday i finished my USC application.. which means that unless I decide to apply to East Carolina, which I dont think I'm going to, I'm done. Thats assuming I get into either Chapman or UCI or Elon. Because quite frankly, I'm not applying to UCONN unless I didnt get into any of those.
So, that's exciting. Nerve-racking... I dont want to find out I have to apply to UCONN because I didnt get in anywhere :| But its still exciting that I'm done with the process for now.
So you'd think I'd be really happy for the time being. But for some reason, I'm really not. Like things are getting crappier at home, and my family is all getting sick... like really sick. Both my grandfathers and my younger cousin are in the hospital. My mom's dad is because his blood sugar level got really out of wack. My dad's dad is probably fine, he's always in the hospital for one reason or another but its nearly always short lived. My cousin the one that is the most concerning. Over the summer they found a tumor of some sort in his throat, and it seems to have come back. We saw him yesterday, and he's got a tube coming out of his throat, and I jsut feel so bad for the kid. I mean, at 14 you shouldnt have to deal with things like that, especially considering he's already gone through sooooo much what with his autism, and his mother being a crack head, and switching homes so much.. its just not right.
To top it all off my dad is being the king of the assholes lately, he and I got into a huge fight today, it was awful.
And school is stressing me out beyond belief. I really thought i didnt care that much, but now I'm freaking out. I almost wish I was back to my apathetic stage.
My bad mood is affecting my friendships.. I mean the people that I've been best firends with forever just piss me off lately, little quirks of theirs just annoy me.
Plus is it to much to ask that I meet some new people that are actually interested in me, and say.. attracted to me? I mean, besides the kind that have 8 months pregnant fiancee's attached? i'm sorry I wont come fuck you on command. I have more respect for myself then that.
Quite honestly, I just really cant wait to get the hell out of here. Every morning when i wake up and i'm still in my room, listening to my alarm telling me to ship off to high school, I just want to curl up and die. Can I please just leave now? Who needs the rest of senior year? Just give me my diploma now, and peace.
Plus the people that dont bother me at school, that i love hanging out with there and who always make me feel better and who i pretty much tell everything to... yeah, they're too cool to be seen with me on the weekends. they have their stupid alcholic bitch friends for the weekend, and i'm just their entertainment for the week.
i'm so fucking sick of it. i know its basicalyl just winter getting to me.. this is always how it is for me once it gets cold. but saying that doesnt help matters at all. if anything, it makes it worse because i know it's hopefully my last winter so i should be enjoying it while i can before i leave for the other side of the country.
whatever. i hate senior.
at least i can look forward to my sister coming home for a week :) she'll be as miserable here as i am, and so we can suffer together.
and stacey comes to CT to visit in like 18 days. thats exciting too...
I mean yesterday i finished my USC application.. which means that unless I decide to apply to East Carolina, which I dont think I'm going to, I'm done. Thats assuming I get into either Chapman or UCI or Elon. Because quite frankly, I'm not applying to UCONN unless I didnt get into any of those.
So, that's exciting. Nerve-racking... I dont want to find out I have to apply to UCONN because I didnt get in anywhere :| But its still exciting that I'm done with the process for now.
So you'd think I'd be really happy for the time being. But for some reason, I'm really not. Like things are getting crappier at home, and my family is all getting sick... like really sick. Both my grandfathers and my younger cousin are in the hospital. My mom's dad is because his blood sugar level got really out of wack. My dad's dad is probably fine, he's always in the hospital for one reason or another but its nearly always short lived. My cousin the one that is the most concerning. Over the summer they found a tumor of some sort in his throat, and it seems to have come back. We saw him yesterday, and he's got a tube coming out of his throat, and I jsut feel so bad for the kid. I mean, at 14 you shouldnt have to deal with things like that, especially considering he's already gone through sooooo much what with his autism, and his mother being a crack head, and switching homes so much.. its just not right.
To top it all off my dad is being the king of the assholes lately, he and I got into a huge fight today, it was awful.
And school is stressing me out beyond belief. I really thought i didnt care that much, but now I'm freaking out. I almost wish I was back to my apathetic stage.
My bad mood is affecting my friendships.. I mean the people that I've been best firends with forever just piss me off lately, little quirks of theirs just annoy me.
Plus is it to much to ask that I meet some new people that are actually interested in me, and say.. attracted to me? I mean, besides the kind that have 8 months pregnant fiancee's attached? i'm sorry I wont come fuck you on command. I have more respect for myself then that.
Quite honestly, I just really cant wait to get the hell out of here. Every morning when i wake up and i'm still in my room, listening to my alarm telling me to ship off to high school, I just want to curl up and die. Can I please just leave now? Who needs the rest of senior year? Just give me my diploma now, and peace.
Plus the people that dont bother me at school, that i love hanging out with there and who always make me feel better and who i pretty much tell everything to... yeah, they're too cool to be seen with me on the weekends. they have their stupid alcholic bitch friends for the weekend, and i'm just their entertainment for the week.
i'm so fucking sick of it. i know its basicalyl just winter getting to me.. this is always how it is for me once it gets cold. but saying that doesnt help matters at all. if anything, it makes it worse because i know it's hopefully my last winter so i should be enjoying it while i can before i leave for the other side of the country.
whatever. i hate senior.
at least i can look forward to my sister coming home for a week :) she'll be as miserable here as i am, and so we can suffer together.
and stacey comes to CT to visit in like 18 days. thats exciting too...