The Idea of Purpose
I am struggling this week with the idea of having a purpose and adding value. I'm not sure what's triggering me, but my anxiety the last few days has been extremely debilitating. There is a lot of confusion for me on what my value is in my relationships, and even with my job. I have been trying to stop/slow my thoughts, but they keep coming back to how I'm not bringing a whole lot to the table in many aspects of my life. Even when it comes to work lately (which was where I always used to define myself). I am having a harder time feeling understood as well because I don't feel that I can really talk openly about my feelings with a lot of people in my life. I've hid my emotions for so many years, and I've held myself accountable to stay private, so it feels extremely vulnerable to try and talk to the people I'm closest with and have them brush it off. I don't think it's taken very seriously, and I need to start finding a new outlet. Therapy isn't good enough when it's roughly once a month. I know using this journal can help, but I've had a hard time processing my thoughts in writing lately. It's not as free-flowing as it normally was in the past. I need to continue using this outlet though, and to keep searching for a creative outlet as well. This week should be quiet, and I have a lot of time to myself...I need to use it and really try processing some things and living in the moment. Practice my mindfulness again.