(no subject)
I can't wait to see you.
Wanna see if you still got that look in your eye,
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes.
And it's a shame that we gotta spend our time
Being mad about the same things.. Over and over again.
I remember the day you left..
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me,
When you said that you would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything.
I dont know what else to do,
I cant go on not loving you.
I dont know what about that song makes me teary-eyed, but it could just possibly be the best song ever made. Ive been so emotional lately, I cant help it. All ive been wanting to do is cry constantly, no one ever understands anymore. I dont know how to explain it to people. I have everything I could possibly want - but nothing seems to make me happy anymore. Ever since my other half (Natalie) left, its been like hell for me&the only one whos been there to tell me its okay and everythings gonna be alright is Brad&I dunno if thats right or not. I know hes suppost to do that but I think that my other friends should tell me that too. It could be cause they dont know, but i've mentioned it many times in here. No one gets it anymore. When someone exactly like you, the best person except your boyfriend in your life, almost your sister, the one I could beat up all the time .. Leaves. I dunno what to do anymore. I think that I feel bad for myself or something or maybe I just dont know what to do with myself lately. Im so confused lately. I feel like I have nothing to live for except Brad and my family (only sometimes tho), it feels like none of my friends give a shit about me anymore, none of them wanna hang out with me. I dont think ive changed that much - but maybe I have. I dont know whats wrong with me, I dont think that im that bad of a person, maybe I do get annoying alot, or maybe I am just mean, but if someone would just give me a chance you would understand. I dont know what else to do with my life except live it. I dont do anything exciting anymore. I have never laughed as hard as I did when Natalie was here&Ive never pissed my pants like I used to. I dont think that ive had barely as much fun as I used to unless im with YOU KNOW WHO. I will stop mentioning him because you get the point. But Natalie, if you read this, understand i love you&that its really hard living without you in my life. I never knew what I would loose until I lost it&now that I have, I dont know what to do anymore. I wish we never got in that stupid ass fight. It was worth nothing. It was not worth loosing eachother. I miss you so much and I dont know what im doing anymore. I need you back here to make me feel better. Your MY Natalie&I miss you like fucking hell. I love you. & to anyone else who reads this&gives a fuck, thank you alot cause you suppost me&most likely understand me.
But there are a COUPLE people in my life who just arent the same anymore. I thought we were bestfreinds(?). You guys never wanna hang out with me, never wanna talk to me&just most of all, never even look at me anymore. I wish things were back to normal. I wish it was middle school again. I wish I never lost what i had. I wish everything could be easy. I want my friends back. I want to feel like Im needed again. Not just used. Im sorry to anyone I was ever mean to last year. I need you guys again. KJC&ALD.