On Authenticity in Living and being
This isn't actually meant as a dig at anyone. It's more a built up rant at something I see all over the place that really annoys me in all of its aspects. I hope nobody takes it personally, but if you do, feel free to contact me to talk about it.
I often see/hear people talking about "living authentically" and I can't help but think - I don't think that means what you think it means.
Because... really... how else is there to live? I'm confused.
Now - I know that what is generally meant by this is to live as the best you you are able to be, to really take a good look at yourself and make sure that you're making decisions with yourself taken into account, to really think about who you are and who you want to be. And that's important - it really is. Too many people are doormats, or live only for others and not for themselves, without thinking that through.
(Now, I think that it's possible for someone to choose to live primarily for others and for that to be just fine, and a reasonably healthy decision, but that's a discussion for another time and place.)
My issue with this is that I see it, over and over again, being taken too far. Being used as code for being selfish and rude without wanting to admit that a behavior is selfish and rude. It's been pointed out to me that culturally, we're anti-selfishness, and perhaps this is where this comes from. Ok, sure. So, maybe instead we need to embrace some amount of selfishness. I'm being SELFISH today! Yay!! But the rudeness, the stepping on others, I just can't get behind that.
Please - be who you want to be, be the best you that you can be. But don't step on my head to be that person. Don't give yourself away, or live for other people if you don't want to - but don't be an asshole, either. If you step on my toes on your path to authenticity, stop and apologize and acknowledge my pain, please.
Is the best you, the real you, an authentic jerk? Hey, maybe so... and if so, let me know so I can walk away now. But I really doubt it in most cases. I think it's often just a kid in a candy store type reaction to finally having a way to get to be selfish occasionally, and taking it too far.
Being authentic doesn't mean never taking the feelings of others into account. Or eventually you'll be authentically alone.
I often see/hear people talking about "living authentically" and I can't help but think - I don't think that means what you think it means.
Because... really... how else is there to live? I'm confused.
Now - I know that what is generally meant by this is to live as the best you you are able to be, to really take a good look at yourself and make sure that you're making decisions with yourself taken into account, to really think about who you are and who you want to be. And that's important - it really is. Too many people are doormats, or live only for others and not for themselves, without thinking that through.
(Now, I think that it's possible for someone to choose to live primarily for others and for that to be just fine, and a reasonably healthy decision, but that's a discussion for another time and place.)
My issue with this is that I see it, over and over again, being taken too far. Being used as code for being selfish and rude without wanting to admit that a behavior is selfish and rude. It's been pointed out to me that culturally, we're anti-selfishness, and perhaps this is where this comes from. Ok, sure. So, maybe instead we need to embrace some amount of selfishness. I'm being SELFISH today! Yay!! But the rudeness, the stepping on others, I just can't get behind that.
Please - be who you want to be, be the best you that you can be. But don't step on my head to be that person. Don't give yourself away, or live for other people if you don't want to - but don't be an asshole, either. If you step on my toes on your path to authenticity, stop and apologize and acknowledge my pain, please.
Is the best you, the real you, an authentic jerk? Hey, maybe so... and if so, let me know so I can walk away now. But I really doubt it in most cases. I think it's often just a kid in a candy store type reaction to finally having a way to get to be selfish occasionally, and taking it too far.
Being authentic doesn't mean never taking the feelings of others into account. Or eventually you'll be authentically alone.