Bad dreams

[dangerous_lov]

I was tossing and turning all night last night. I caught a cold again yesterday since I stayed in friend E&S's BBQ party after it started to get cold. My mini-sexy BCBG skirt did not help at all. A price I paid for vanity... It might be silly, but during the whole party, I was worrying about my starchy top showing my nipples too much. I worried

Comments

[discounttherapy]

You looked fucking hot, but not in a slutty way at all. Most of the girls were dressed in seriously non-sexy, boring clothes. Of course their men will look! You should offer to give them lessons in sassiness. ;) Don't worry too much about it. It was gorgeous weather that we only get four or five days a year, and most people wanted to dress cute and show off a little. Not weather for being uptight.

I often get social anxiety after a party. I analyze my behavior too much, worry that I was annoying, and ask the squid several times if he's sure I behaved ok and people like me alright. Honestly, I felt like I talked too much and too passionately and about too serious subjects at the BBQ. But I'm glad if it entertained people. I didn't start any of the topics, but I couldn't help adding my opinions when they had been opened. D seemed at ease and very comfortable talking to everyone. I don't think you should worry any more about the BBQ - my professional opinion as a champion worrier.

I think you invest a lot of your sense of security, value, happiness, and self-esteem in the guy you're dating. In some cases, that's ok, like if you're committed and you can show each other vulnerability and reassure each other in hard times. But when it's pretty casual dating, it's emotionally dangerous. I think it's always good for the major source of those things to be from within yourself. It's hard to learn to need less validation, but I think it's good. Don't get me wrong, everyone needs validation. But your European scientist crowd don't seem like the sort of friends you can flirt with and get attention for your cute hair and unique fashion. You should come to clubs with me! That's mainly why I go. ;) And D is so laid back himself, and he doesn't ask much from you, right? If you're more dependent on him than vice versa, that makes me worry about you. Mutual is best. Expectations, especially ones that haven't been discussed but are assumed, often lead to severe disappointment.

Here's what I prescribe, again as the PhD in worry: Do yoga more regularly. Meet some new people - maybe come to Pesto Night with me, it's every Thursday in the Castro, free food, nice people who appreciate cute outfits on sexy girls and friendly flirting. Also think about a new hobby (or an old one - what happened to dance classes? Or drumming?) that you'd enjoy that would keep you from feeling like you're waiting around for D to call/email/come over. In short, spice up your life! D is a nice flavor, but one flavor makes a boring stew. And the more flavor you have, the happier you'll be and the more boys will like you anyway! ;)