Musings on Lymond
Yeah, I am reading Game of Kings in an insane, obsessive fashion.
But this is only loosely connected to GoK, though it is Lymond-centric. In looking back, I realize that this was the first time I read a set of novels where the protagonist was bisexual (I have no idea if he was bi by inclination as the only person he loves during the course of the books is Philippa and she is a woman, but he is certainly bi by conduct, voluntary and involuntary, and doesn’t find the concept insupportable).
And that led me to think of Lymond’s sexual issues because he has So. Many.
He knows he is gorgeous and he uses it, like anything else in his arsenal, if necessary. Which would be OK if it didn’t bother him, but it only makes him feel worse.
I think it really has to do with the deep sense he has of his own worthlessness. As if he is damaged, no good, so it doesn’t matter what further horrible stuff happens to him. I wonder if it’s tied to his experience with his family and the crazy childhood (with the ‘father’ who hated him, gnawing dread he is the product of incest), with his feelings of guilt about Eloise’s death (and that feeling probably grows with every death he, however indirectly, causes), and with his time at the galleys (because seriously, while the books never address it explicitly, but a beautiful 16 year old at the galleys is complete toast).
In fact, every experience he has up until with Philippa at the end of Checkmate *dies* is some sort of re-enforcement of that worthlessness, of his own view of himself as a whore.
Even the ones that didn’t start out that way end up so: he was infatuated with Margaret Lennox at 16 and she ruined his life forever. He made out with Oonagh and there was mutual admiration there, if not love, and she winds up skinned alive and stuffed with straw because of him.
Even sleeping with people at the French court for political reasons and with hookers just because adds to that sense for him (I keep thinking of the scene in RC? CM? When he hires a woman of the night and what a totally painful encounter it is).
And then of course there all the times where he has to be a literal whore which cannot possibly be good for him at all. I am thinking of the two worst ones actually: Aga Morat in Pawn and Guzel in Castle. And both of them really stem from his desire to protect an innocent because he, Lymond, can take it, but the other person cannot. The bit in Pawn with Aga really breaks me because of that.
Aga Morat captures Lymond’s party and Lymond can tell that Aga wants Jerrott (OMG, Jerrott, I love you, awesome secondary character, you!) And Lymond knows Jerrott wouldn’t be able to take it (best case scenario, he gets killed by the Aga) so he offers himself instead, volunteer. The thing that gets me there so much is Lymond’s bedrock, matter-of-fact assumption (not stated ever but very inferred) that it’s fine because he, Lymond, is so tainted anyway, it doesn’t really matter, that of course it’s not a sacrifice, what’s one more psychically scarring act or less. Aga needs a boytoy? Lymond will be his boytoy. It’s the ‘been there done that’ vibe that freaks me out. As if there is nothing worth saving in himself, no value except any value that can be inferred from protecting others.
And of course Jerrott finds out about Aga-Lymond and doesn’t get it, and is totally disgusted and in some bitter way, Lymond actually enjoys the fact. (Of course, there is the fact that the relationship with Aga is a creepy s&m one, but that’s a separate issue).
Actually, I do think Pawn is the hardest of the books for me to read because it is the one which destroys Lymond the most (RC and Checkmate are all about rebuilding him) and the Aga episode is actually a very minor part of it. The thing that really gets me is the whole story with Khaireddin, Lymond’s son, Gabriel’s perfect revenge. The scenes of Lymond (and now that I am rereading them in such proximity, I realize that Lymond likes kids as early as Game of Kings, when he plays with little Mary) and his child are just horrifying. In a way, Lymond is both the best and worst person to deal with Khaireddin’s situation. (K was sold on purpose and is now a child whore even though he is what, less than 5?) That brings all of Lymond’s demons out but he also has infinite patience, and the scenes of him slowly winning the child’s trust and the infinite patience and gentleness kill me, especially since I know how much it must simply murder Lymond. And of course it’s all for nothing because at the final chess game, Khaireddin dies, and it’s Lymond’s choice that makes it so.
That game is one scene I’ve never reread btw. Lymond begging to be killed instead of one of the children, Lymond knowing that either Khaireddin or Kuzum (who is most likely Gabriel’s child) would have to die or everyone in his party is toast, and being in charge of picking who, and picking Khaireddin because Kuzum has more of a chance at a normal life (and because I think he cannot go by blood only as it would damn him).
And then taking his sword and finally having the right to kill Gabriel, after two books, but letting go of the sword and basically doing it with his bare hands and then his friends tell him he has (Gabriel’s) blood on him and Lymond vacantly tells them ‘but he didn’t reach me’ and they realize that he has completely forgotten about Gabriel and is only thinking of Khaireddin running to him.
Oh Man.
And then he marries Philippa to save her reputation, because he is dying anyway or can get an annulment, and I love that Philippa agrees only if he promises not to kill himself (and yeah, he can never not protect someone close to him, so he needs to marry her so he has no choice).
And I love that he asks her “Philippa, release me from my promise’ that horrible wedding night (where he finally falls asleep and all he has are horrible nightmares and she stays up the whole night and that is when she ultimately grows up) and she denies and he goes silent.
Which brings me to Guzel. I think of all the ‘being with someone’ that Lymond had to do, this had to be the most damaging. Because Guzel is the one responsible for Khaireddin’s death, and also at that point Lymond is only functioning because he is completely detached: he wants no physical, mental, emotional contact with anyone, ever (of course, having such a capacity for love he has to lavish it somewhere, even if it’s a stupid hunting bird) and yet Lymond ‘owes’ her and Guzel gets him to come to her by once again, a play on an innocent (and horribly cruel it is, as Guzel chooses as a lover a young guy who looks like Lymond’s kid could have if he was older). So of course Lymond offers himself instead.
Creeeeeeepy.
I always thought it was totally telling that Lymond knew exactly what to do and how to take care of Philippa in Checkmate after he found her raped in Leonard Bailey’s house. (Ugh, another scene that kills me, because he loves her so much and vice versa and she did it for him and…)
Anyway, I have no idea where I am going with this (if anywhere) but I do find it an interesting parallel with Philippa and Lymond because I think that is one of many ways she now knows how it is in his shoes. Because she offered herself (a virgin) to Bailey (a horrible, awful, disgusting person) in exchange for Lymond’s paternity documents which really is a very Lymondish thing: the worst thing is to be a ‘willing’ partner in your own debasement and degradation.
Anyhoo, the end of Checkmate is one of the most beautiful things ever. And I cried like an idiot. And there is finally forgiveness and joy and peace.
But this is only loosely connected to GoK, though it is Lymond-centric. In looking back, I realize that this was the first time I read a set of novels where the protagonist was bisexual (I have no idea if he was bi by inclination as the only person he loves during the course of the books is Philippa and she is a woman, but he is certainly bi by conduct, voluntary and involuntary, and doesn’t find the concept insupportable).
And that led me to think of Lymond’s sexual issues because he has So. Many.
He knows he is gorgeous and he uses it, like anything else in his arsenal, if necessary. Which would be OK if it didn’t bother him, but it only makes him feel worse.
I think it really has to do with the deep sense he has of his own worthlessness. As if he is damaged, no good, so it doesn’t matter what further horrible stuff happens to him. I wonder if it’s tied to his experience with his family and the crazy childhood (with the ‘father’ who hated him, gnawing dread he is the product of incest), with his feelings of guilt about Eloise’s death (and that feeling probably grows with every death he, however indirectly, causes), and with his time at the galleys (because seriously, while the books never address it explicitly, but a beautiful 16 year old at the galleys is complete toast).
In fact, every experience he has up until with Philippa at the end of Checkmate *dies* is some sort of re-enforcement of that worthlessness, of his own view of himself as a whore.
Even the ones that didn’t start out that way end up so: he was infatuated with Margaret Lennox at 16 and she ruined his life forever. He made out with Oonagh and there was mutual admiration there, if not love, and she winds up skinned alive and stuffed with straw because of him.
Even sleeping with people at the French court for political reasons and with hookers just because adds to that sense for him (I keep thinking of the scene in RC? CM? When he hires a woman of the night and what a totally painful encounter it is).
And then of course there all the times where he has to be a literal whore which cannot possibly be good for him at all. I am thinking of the two worst ones actually: Aga Morat in Pawn and Guzel in Castle. And both of them really stem from his desire to protect an innocent because he, Lymond, can take it, but the other person cannot. The bit in Pawn with Aga really breaks me because of that.
Aga Morat captures Lymond’s party and Lymond can tell that Aga wants Jerrott (OMG, Jerrott, I love you, awesome secondary character, you!) And Lymond knows Jerrott wouldn’t be able to take it (best case scenario, he gets killed by the Aga) so he offers himself instead, volunteer. The thing that gets me there so much is Lymond’s bedrock, matter-of-fact assumption (not stated ever but very inferred) that it’s fine because he, Lymond, is so tainted anyway, it doesn’t really matter, that of course it’s not a sacrifice, what’s one more psychically scarring act or less. Aga needs a boytoy? Lymond will be his boytoy. It’s the ‘been there done that’ vibe that freaks me out. As if there is nothing worth saving in himself, no value except any value that can be inferred from protecting others.
And of course Jerrott finds out about Aga-Lymond and doesn’t get it, and is totally disgusted and in some bitter way, Lymond actually enjoys the fact. (Of course, there is the fact that the relationship with Aga is a creepy s&m one, but that’s a separate issue).
Actually, I do think Pawn is the hardest of the books for me to read because it is the one which destroys Lymond the most (RC and Checkmate are all about rebuilding him) and the Aga episode is actually a very minor part of it. The thing that really gets me is the whole story with Khaireddin, Lymond’s son, Gabriel’s perfect revenge. The scenes of Lymond (and now that I am rereading them in such proximity, I realize that Lymond likes kids as early as Game of Kings, when he plays with little Mary) and his child are just horrifying. In a way, Lymond is both the best and worst person to deal with Khaireddin’s situation. (K was sold on purpose and is now a child whore even though he is what, less than 5?) That brings all of Lymond’s demons out but he also has infinite patience, and the scenes of him slowly winning the child’s trust and the infinite patience and gentleness kill me, especially since I know how much it must simply murder Lymond. And of course it’s all for nothing because at the final chess game, Khaireddin dies, and it’s Lymond’s choice that makes it so.
That game is one scene I’ve never reread btw. Lymond begging to be killed instead of one of the children, Lymond knowing that either Khaireddin or Kuzum (who is most likely Gabriel’s child) would have to die or everyone in his party is toast, and being in charge of picking who, and picking Khaireddin because Kuzum has more of a chance at a normal life (and because I think he cannot go by blood only as it would damn him).
And then taking his sword and finally having the right to kill Gabriel, after two books, but letting go of the sword and basically doing it with his bare hands and then his friends tell him he has (Gabriel’s) blood on him and Lymond vacantly tells them ‘but he didn’t reach me’ and they realize that he has completely forgotten about Gabriel and is only thinking of Khaireddin running to him.
Oh Man.
And then he marries Philippa to save her reputation, because he is dying anyway or can get an annulment, and I love that Philippa agrees only if he promises not to kill himself (and yeah, he can never not protect someone close to him, so he needs to marry her so he has no choice).
And I love that he asks her “Philippa, release me from my promise’ that horrible wedding night (where he finally falls asleep and all he has are horrible nightmares and she stays up the whole night and that is when she ultimately grows up) and she denies and he goes silent.
Which brings me to Guzel. I think of all the ‘being with someone’ that Lymond had to do, this had to be the most damaging. Because Guzel is the one responsible for Khaireddin’s death, and also at that point Lymond is only functioning because he is completely detached: he wants no physical, mental, emotional contact with anyone, ever (of course, having such a capacity for love he has to lavish it somewhere, even if it’s a stupid hunting bird) and yet Lymond ‘owes’ her and Guzel gets him to come to her by once again, a play on an innocent (and horribly cruel it is, as Guzel chooses as a lover a young guy who looks like Lymond’s kid could have if he was older). So of course Lymond offers himself instead.
Creeeeeeepy.
I always thought it was totally telling that Lymond knew exactly what to do and how to take care of Philippa in Checkmate after he found her raped in Leonard Bailey’s house. (Ugh, another scene that kills me, because he loves her so much and vice versa and she did it for him and…)
Anyway, I have no idea where I am going with this (if anywhere) but I do find it an interesting parallel with Philippa and Lymond because I think that is one of many ways she now knows how it is in his shoes. Because she offered herself (a virgin) to Bailey (a horrible, awful, disgusting person) in exchange for Lymond’s paternity documents which really is a very Lymondish thing: the worst thing is to be a ‘willing’ partner in your own debasement and degradation.
Anyhoo, the end of Checkmate is one of the most beautiful things ever. And I cried like an idiot. And there is finally forgiveness and joy and peace.