Lady Wrestlers and Mob Bosses in Canada. Oh, bad cinema, never change!
OK, today's movie pick is little known International Khiladi. So full of delicious cheese!
This is in the 'Koyla' territory for me. By that I mean it has hunky man!suffering and is overall of the so-bad-it's-good quality. In fact, it just might top Koyla because I don't remember Koyla having a climactc fight scene with a fake plane and people hanging in-out in a delightfully MST3K manner....Nah, mulleted SRK still trumps but this comes close.
International Khiladi is Bollywood attempting Rashomon. Sorta. But getting sidetracked by Twinkle Khanna's scary hair, and dancing in Canada, and lady wrestlers, and the weepiest mob boss the world has ever seen.
As the movie opens, our Noble Heroine, portrayed by 'Stanislavski-level-imitation-of-a-block-of-wood' Twinkle Khanna is on a witness stand. Akshay Kumar is in the dock (oh baby, what could I do with Akshay Kumar and handcuffs. Ahem.) Akshay Kumar is the 'International Khiladi' of the title, a tough mob boss who must have been awarded this title on the basis of all the amazing amount of weeping he does in this flick. Seriously. People who complain about the rivers of tears produced by SRK in Karan Johar movies have not seen IK.
Twinkle Khanna, who we later find out is a journalist with a recently diseased beloved brother, is accusing Akshay Kumar of rape. In some detail. Akshay, surprisingly, doesn't deny anything but sort of stares stonily ahead, probably contemplating his paycheck. Of course, since Akshay is the hero (I almost typed the 'heroine' because of the weeping) and Twinkle the heroine, we know that there must be Something More Between Them, and that he is unlikely to have raped her as even in a Bollywood movie, his being the hero trumps his being the mob boss.
Blah blah blah blah.
Let's cut to the chase. In the happy flashbackland, Twinkle is a journalist hanging out with her soon-to-be-dead brother and his best friend who clearly has a thing for Twinkle. But that is not what the gal is interested in. What she wants is to interview the mysterious Akshay, super mob boss, (adopted, I think) son of the Old Boss blah blah. I wonder if she thinks he will tell her where he stashed the bodies if she asks nicely.
In any event, showing a rare glimmer of common sense, Akshay shows no interest in interviewing her, so Twinkle decides the most effective way to obtain the interview is to become like Viola in 12th Night and set up a hut outside his gates. In the rain, in the sun etc etc etc. Why she thinks a mob boss would be shamed or touched I have no idea, but apparently she is smarter than me, as it totally works. Akshay becomes antsy and then interested and there is a cute adorable scene in the rain where he sneaks out and they engage in deception as to who is who blah blah. (OK, I might mock, but I actually love the love story here, as it's like those cheesy romance novels your Mom didn't want you to read when you were 10).
Needless to say, Twinkle is babelicious and Akshay is studly, and they fall in love. Not only that, but the movie clearly indicates they are engaged in (consensual) extra-marital hanky-panky. Yet, no baby in sight. Quite surprising.
But what is a Bollywood movie without angst? HAHK. This not being HAHK, the lovebirds' joy is short-lived. Payal (that is our heroine's name) might overlook her beloved's occupation (did I mention that her brother is pretending to work for him while secretly being an informer for his police office best friend, the one who's in love with Payal), but the mob is not all too happy with the development and we get to the Great Weepy Interlude Number 1, as Akshay weeps at his adopted father so Payal won't be harmed, so her brother won't be killed blah blah blah. He weeps a lot. It seems to work so I suppose he knows what he is doing.
Well, once again, blah blah blah, more plot, and Payal's joyful expectation of her beloved's visit turn to horror (and room wrecking) as her beloved brother is found dead and it's Akshay who's gotten him killed!
Woe.
It's woe for Akshay as well, as he is caught and tried, and Payal, in whose heart love turned to hate, or similar, fakes a rape with the help of the policeman friend (OK, I don't know if I'd trust such a cop, but considering how things turn out, they can claim it's brilliant foreshadowing) and accuses him of such. India clearly has a much tougher penal code than the US, or maybe they are just tired of the weeping, and Akshay is sentenced to hang. Oddly, he still says no word in his defense.
Masochism? Desire to prolong the running time? Never fear, we'll find out in due time (I have to say, for a movie with lady wrestlers, courtesy of Akshay's mob rival, this movie is pretty well plotted for a 90s Bolly action flick).
Well, whatever it is, Akshay escapes the noose and goes to...Canada. If you see a hot Indian walking around with shirts half-unbuttoned with a 'my true love wants me dead' emo look on his face, it's probably him.
Payal follows, because she either wants revenge so badly (and is delusional to think she can take on a mob boss. Though seeing how he runs his business, she probably can) or finds Akshay so hot, she can't stay away for long. Probably a combo of the two. With her goes her policeman friend who must have the same liberal vacation policy and pay that Abhishek has in Dhoom2. I am clearly in the wrong line of work.
Meanwhile we find out what was the guilt that kept Akshay mum: he believed that it was his adopted father that offed Payal's brother and felt that he should atone (but apparently not enough to hang). He finds out that is not the case (more weeping) and is justifiably pissed, considering the fact that the unknown killer cost him:
a. his one true love
b. jail time
c. an expensive plane ticket to Canada
d. rapture of the tear-ducts
Anyway, will Payal realize the truth before it's too late, before she's turned him in for good? Of course she will. The reunion of the lovebirds is equally cheesy and romantic (fine, fine, it's cheese but I live for that sort of cheese). Will they find out who really killed Payal's brother? Of course they will. No prizes for guessing. If the mob boss is the romantic hero, the policeman must naturally be an evil man. Will the climactic fight on the plane make you laugh so hard your sides will hurt? No doubt about it.
At the end, Payal and Akshay end up living happily ever after, significantly with no mention of Akshay giving up his business. Ahhhhh, true love.
I'd weep for joy but Akshay has used up all the tears allowance for this post.
This is in the 'Koyla' territory for me. By that I mean it has hunky man!suffering and is overall of the so-bad-it's-good quality. In fact, it just might top Koyla because I don't remember Koyla having a climactc fight scene with a fake plane and people hanging in-out in a delightfully MST3K manner....Nah, mulleted SRK still trumps but this comes close.
International Khiladi is Bollywood attempting Rashomon. Sorta. But getting sidetracked by Twinkle Khanna's scary hair, and dancing in Canada, and lady wrestlers, and the weepiest mob boss the world has ever seen.
As the movie opens, our Noble Heroine, portrayed by 'Stanislavski-level-imitation-of-a-block-of-wood' Twinkle Khanna is on a witness stand. Akshay Kumar is in the dock (oh baby, what could I do with Akshay Kumar and handcuffs. Ahem.) Akshay Kumar is the 'International Khiladi' of the title, a tough mob boss who must have been awarded this title on the basis of all the amazing amount of weeping he does in this flick. Seriously. People who complain about the rivers of tears produced by SRK in Karan Johar movies have not seen IK.
Twinkle Khanna, who we later find out is a journalist with a recently diseased beloved brother, is accusing Akshay Kumar of rape. In some detail. Akshay, surprisingly, doesn't deny anything but sort of stares stonily ahead, probably contemplating his paycheck. Of course, since Akshay is the hero (I almost typed the 'heroine' because of the weeping) and Twinkle the heroine, we know that there must be Something More Between Them, and that he is unlikely to have raped her as even in a Bollywood movie, his being the hero trumps his being the mob boss.
Blah blah blah blah.
Let's cut to the chase. In the happy flashbackland, Twinkle is a journalist hanging out with her soon-to-be-dead brother and his best friend who clearly has a thing for Twinkle. But that is not what the gal is interested in. What she wants is to interview the mysterious Akshay, super mob boss, (adopted, I think) son of the Old Boss blah blah. I wonder if she thinks he will tell her where he stashed the bodies if she asks nicely.
In any event, showing a rare glimmer of common sense, Akshay shows no interest in interviewing her, so Twinkle decides the most effective way to obtain the interview is to become like Viola in 12th Night and set up a hut outside his gates. In the rain, in the sun etc etc etc. Why she thinks a mob boss would be shamed or touched I have no idea, but apparently she is smarter than me, as it totally works. Akshay becomes antsy and then interested and there is a cute adorable scene in the rain where he sneaks out and they engage in deception as to who is who blah blah. (OK, I might mock, but I actually love the love story here, as it's like those cheesy romance novels your Mom didn't want you to read when you were 10).
Needless to say, Twinkle is babelicious and Akshay is studly, and they fall in love. Not only that, but the movie clearly indicates they are engaged in (consensual) extra-marital hanky-panky. Yet, no baby in sight. Quite surprising.
But what is a Bollywood movie without angst? HAHK. This not being HAHK, the lovebirds' joy is short-lived. Payal (that is our heroine's name) might overlook her beloved's occupation (did I mention that her brother is pretending to work for him while secretly being an informer for his police office best friend, the one who's in love with Payal), but the mob is not all too happy with the development and we get to the Great Weepy Interlude Number 1, as Akshay weeps at his adopted father so Payal won't be harmed, so her brother won't be killed blah blah blah. He weeps a lot. It seems to work so I suppose he knows what he is doing.
Well, once again, blah blah blah, more plot, and Payal's joyful expectation of her beloved's visit turn to horror (and room wrecking) as her beloved brother is found dead and it's Akshay who's gotten him killed!
Woe.
It's woe for Akshay as well, as he is caught and tried, and Payal, in whose heart love turned to hate, or similar, fakes a rape with the help of the policeman friend (OK, I don't know if I'd trust such a cop, but considering how things turn out, they can claim it's brilliant foreshadowing) and accuses him of such. India clearly has a much tougher penal code than the US, or maybe they are just tired of the weeping, and Akshay is sentenced to hang. Oddly, he still says no word in his defense.
Masochism? Desire to prolong the running time? Never fear, we'll find out in due time (I have to say, for a movie with lady wrestlers, courtesy of Akshay's mob rival, this movie is pretty well plotted for a 90s Bolly action flick).
Well, whatever it is, Akshay escapes the noose and goes to...Canada. If you see a hot Indian walking around with shirts half-unbuttoned with a 'my true love wants me dead' emo look on his face, it's probably him.
Payal follows, because she either wants revenge so badly (and is delusional to think she can take on a mob boss. Though seeing how he runs his business, she probably can) or finds Akshay so hot, she can't stay away for long. Probably a combo of the two. With her goes her policeman friend who must have the same liberal vacation policy and pay that Abhishek has in Dhoom2. I am clearly in the wrong line of work.
Meanwhile we find out what was the guilt that kept Akshay mum: he believed that it was his adopted father that offed Payal's brother and felt that he should atone (but apparently not enough to hang). He finds out that is not the case (more weeping) and is justifiably pissed, considering the fact that the unknown killer cost him:
a. his one true love
b. jail time
c. an expensive plane ticket to Canada
d. rapture of the tear-ducts
Anyway, will Payal realize the truth before it's too late, before she's turned him in for good? Of course she will. The reunion of the lovebirds is equally cheesy and romantic (fine, fine, it's cheese but I live for that sort of cheese). Will they find out who really killed Payal's brother? Of course they will. No prizes for guessing. If the mob boss is the romantic hero, the policeman must naturally be an evil man. Will the climactic fight on the plane make you laugh so hard your sides will hurt? No doubt about it.
At the end, Payal and Akshay end up living happily ever after, significantly with no mention of Akshay giving up his business. Ahhhhh, true love.
I'd weep for joy but Akshay has used up all the tears allowance for this post.