Tatta Hitotsu No Koi: the end
So, I finished Tatta Hitotsu No Koi last night.
And it was awesome.
OMG, the scene on the dock and the boat killed me. When Hiroto sees her at the Harbor and he drinks her in, partly because I think he might realize it's the last chance but also because he hasn't seen her for a while. And then his eyes move down to her bag and OMG, he so wants to go with her idea of running away. You can see he can almost taste it. That is why he clutches his father's ring for support, for strength, because it's a reminder to him that he should protect his father's sacrifice (I love that by the end of ep 10, he leaves the ring at home. He's outgrown it all).
And when she says she left her family, that he is more important than anything to her, this is something he wants to hear more than anything, something so necessary to him (because he feels so insignificant, so alone) but he can't have it and his longing look there just kills me.
He is in such a pit of misery throughout the scene. He is right about Nao missing her family eventually, of course, but a part of it is because he knows he can't go and he tries to rationalize it as well, in a 'it's sort of impossible anyway' way. But partially it's because his own family has been destroyed or screwed up so he really values the happy (if stifling) family Nao has.
Throughout that whole scene he is trying to convince himself. He says he is calm but it's killing him. For large portions of their conversation (and the quiet of it kills me), he is with his back to her because he can't bear to see her hurt but he also knows if he looks at her, he might not be able to proceed.
The part that really kills me is when Nao yells at him to give up something important for her, and he says he can't. And that breaks me. Because one of the reasons I love Hiroto so much is that he is so selfless. And he can risk himself, sacrifice himself (see the scene with the knife) but not those who depend on him (and also, wouldn't it make his past sacrifices meaningless?). Normally I am all about rebel lovers, lovers that defy hell and high water to be together. In jdramas, think Domyouji and Tsukushi in HYD or Michi and Hikaru in Forbidden Love or Masaki and Keigo in Kamisama Mou Sukushi Dake (not sure where Aki and Halu from Pride fit on that scale, but they sacrifice for each other, not society). But here, here I am moved by the pressure of sacrificing self for others, for sheer sad impossibility and constraint.
Hiroto, oh Hiroto. He can barely force out a 'yes' when she asks to say good-bye. He is utterly frozen and stiff.
And when he tells Nao he's got to say a lifetime's worth on that boat ride, I choke. And he tells her not to cry because if she does, he will too, but his eyes are wet. And then he is in tears, and dammit, my glasses are getting misty.
Especially when they hold hands for those last fifteen minutes and how indicative is it that she stretches hers out first and then he interlaces their fingers and they look as if they never want to let go.
And they talk about her shining the light to let him know she is OK (OMG, stop making me cry) and how much she loves his hands.
And he is trying not to cry so hard, he is shaking.
There is all this desperateness and imptetuousness of being really young, really passionate, really absolutist in love. Older people might compromise, wait it out. They can't. Oh woobies!
And then the voiceover which talks about the intervening years. The whole bit about it 'being the me inside her heart that died.' *sob sob sob* (and that scene which flashes to Hiroto being so damn eager and hopeful and then shining this light for over and hour and no reply and just completely deflating and dying inside? Ohhhhh).
And throughout it all, he tries to convince himself he did right (while looking fine in a suit) but he is so still not over her. So not over. When Kou mentions the break-up, you can see Hiroto is still in active pain. It's like a never healing wound. So he leaves to smoke and buy cigs but it's an excuse and he just wants to get away.
And then...
And then...
OMG!
He looks up and sees Nao!
*dies*
And OMG, the look on his face. But then he sees the engagement ring on her finger and it's like he dies inside. I think a small crazy part of him still hoped. Oh woobies!
And then he is drunk and his voice over about how old do you have to be to be an adult, not to be sad or mad or hurt kills me. I remember when I was a kid, I thought adults were these different emotionless entities with blunt feelings and I couldn't imagine transforming into one.
But oooh, they meet at the abandoned factory. And OMG, the way they look at each other! And his comment about not enjoying his life and asking her to leave before he becomes not cool. *dies*
And then the engagement is off and she is going off to Hokkaido to work and there is that party and they are sneaking looks at each other and eeeeee. And he tries to hide his vulnerability and there is a fight and her comment about walls (andd she is right, but it's a necessary defense mechanism for him, probably created first as a result of his father's suicide and 'abandonment' and then simply having to cope with everything and still stay sane) and not being able to love anyone and he is so hurt and he has such a transparent face.
And then we get her letter and the chasing after the bus and the hugging and the glee and the joy, but I already wrote about it.
Eeeee! I love it when he breaks into a dead run at the end. And then we get that adorable scene and hugging and happily ever after, but I already wrote about that earlier. You know what I love? Hiroto always looks after others. By the end of this, he's got someone who looks after him.
And it was awesome.
OMG, the scene on the dock and the boat killed me. When Hiroto sees her at the Harbor and he drinks her in, partly because I think he might realize it's the last chance but also because he hasn't seen her for a while. And then his eyes move down to her bag and OMG, he so wants to go with her idea of running away. You can see he can almost taste it. That is why he clutches his father's ring for support, for strength, because it's a reminder to him that he should protect his father's sacrifice (I love that by the end of ep 10, he leaves the ring at home. He's outgrown it all).
And when she says she left her family, that he is more important than anything to her, this is something he wants to hear more than anything, something so necessary to him (because he feels so insignificant, so alone) but he can't have it and his longing look there just kills me.
He is in such a pit of misery throughout the scene. He is right about Nao missing her family eventually, of course, but a part of it is because he knows he can't go and he tries to rationalize it as well, in a 'it's sort of impossible anyway' way. But partially it's because his own family has been destroyed or screwed up so he really values the happy (if stifling) family Nao has.
Throughout that whole scene he is trying to convince himself. He says he is calm but it's killing him. For large portions of their conversation (and the quiet of it kills me), he is with his back to her because he can't bear to see her hurt but he also knows if he looks at her, he might not be able to proceed.
The part that really kills me is when Nao yells at him to give up something important for her, and he says he can't. And that breaks me. Because one of the reasons I love Hiroto so much is that he is so selfless. And he can risk himself, sacrifice himself (see the scene with the knife) but not those who depend on him (and also, wouldn't it make his past sacrifices meaningless?). Normally I am all about rebel lovers, lovers that defy hell and high water to be together. In jdramas, think Domyouji and Tsukushi in HYD or Michi and Hikaru in Forbidden Love or Masaki and Keigo in Kamisama Mou Sukushi Dake (not sure where Aki and Halu from Pride fit on that scale, but they sacrifice for each other, not society). But here, here I am moved by the pressure of sacrificing self for others, for sheer sad impossibility and constraint.
Hiroto, oh Hiroto. He can barely force out a 'yes' when she asks to say good-bye. He is utterly frozen and stiff.
And when he tells Nao he's got to say a lifetime's worth on that boat ride, I choke. And he tells her not to cry because if she does, he will too, but his eyes are wet. And then he is in tears, and dammit, my glasses are getting misty.
Especially when they hold hands for those last fifteen minutes and how indicative is it that she stretches hers out first and then he interlaces their fingers and they look as if they never want to let go.
And they talk about her shining the light to let him know she is OK (OMG, stop making me cry) and how much she loves his hands.
And he is trying not to cry so hard, he is shaking.
There is all this desperateness and imptetuousness of being really young, really passionate, really absolutist in love. Older people might compromise, wait it out. They can't. Oh woobies!
And then the voiceover which talks about the intervening years. The whole bit about it 'being the me inside her heart that died.' *sob sob sob* (and that scene which flashes to Hiroto being so damn eager and hopeful and then shining this light for over and hour and no reply and just completely deflating and dying inside? Ohhhhh).
And throughout it all, he tries to convince himself he did right (while looking fine in a suit) but he is so still not over her. So not over. When Kou mentions the break-up, you can see Hiroto is still in active pain. It's like a never healing wound. So he leaves to smoke and buy cigs but it's an excuse and he just wants to get away.
And then...
And then...
OMG!
He looks up and sees Nao!
*dies*
And OMG, the look on his face. But then he sees the engagement ring on her finger and it's like he dies inside. I think a small crazy part of him still hoped. Oh woobies!
And then he is drunk and his voice over about how old do you have to be to be an adult, not to be sad or mad or hurt kills me. I remember when I was a kid, I thought adults were these different emotionless entities with blunt feelings and I couldn't imagine transforming into one.
But oooh, they meet at the abandoned factory. And OMG, the way they look at each other! And his comment about not enjoying his life and asking her to leave before he becomes not cool. *dies*
And then the engagement is off and she is going off to Hokkaido to work and there is that party and they are sneaking looks at each other and eeeeee. And he tries to hide his vulnerability and there is a fight and her comment about walls (andd she is right, but it's a necessary defense mechanism for him, probably created first as a result of his father's suicide and 'abandonment' and then simply having to cope with everything and still stay sane) and not being able to love anyone and he is so hurt and he has such a transparent face.
And then we get her letter and the chasing after the bus and the hugging and the glee and the joy, but I already wrote about it.
Eeeee! I love it when he breaks into a dead run at the end. And then we get that adorable scene and hugging and happily ever after, but I already wrote about that earlier. You know what I love? Hiroto always looks after others. By the end of this, he's got someone who looks after him.