If you ever end up in Yuu Watase world
Well, here is a handy guide if you ever end up in a Yuu Watase world. Some advice to get you through, to enable you to win friends and influence people. Influence them into not killing you for a moment, at least.
1. Kill yourself now. Honestly, that will just save time and bother and spare you an angsty, agonizing death later.
If you are too wimpy to do the same, follow advice 2-23
2. Be the first to rescue the heroine. That way she will fall in love with you, making your chances of survival marginally better. But don’t hold your breath. Actually, order a casket now and save.
3. If you are a bouncy, happy, average teenage girl, enjoy your happy humdrum days. They are numbered. Even if you won’t die, you’d wish you had.
4. If at all possible, be the elderly, cranky, unattractive comic relief. This increases your chances of living through it, as no one will care if you die.
5. If you are a gorgeous male, I suggest getting a life insurance policy now. At least your loved ones will be covered.
6. The good-looking bad guy has severe childhood trauma that makes him act the way he does. Awww, isn’t he cute. But since he will still blithely kill you and feed your body to his dogs, pity him from safe distance.
7. Being a Priestess surrounded by hunky warriors half of whom are crazy for you isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There is bound to be that pesky ‘untouched virgin’ requirement somewhere. Get a chastity belt, you’ll need it.
8. Actually, forget 7. Since you or your true love are likely to die gruesomely anyway, screw the quest and enjoy each other while it lasts. Not like you get anything out of the whole savior deal.
9. That beautiful woman? Probably a guy.
10. Get a taser. What with wannabe rapists, beasties, goons and other bad guys, it’s the best investment you’ll ever make.
11. Except, that is, for black outfits you’ll need to wear to all your friends’ funerals.
12. Find a boyfriend with the deadliest skills you know. Then scream his name at the first sign of danger. It’s more bother than a taser, but you are likely to last longer.
13. Just so you won't forget his name, practice saying it. A LOT. All the time. You don't want to blank out after all, just when a man-eating tiger or a water demon is about to get you.
14. Isn’t love wonderful? Yeah, we didn’t think so either. Prepare to suffer like you’ve never suffered before.
15. If he is straight, grab him. That’s a rarer trait than you think.
16. If your male enemy is more fixated on your boyfriend than on you, treat it as confirmation than your boyfriend is hot. After all, the bad guy could be fixating on you instead.
17. Are you a cute child? You are dead.
18. Are you the family of a major good character? You better be abusive and horrible to him or her, otherwise you are deeeeeead.
19. Reincarnation is a tricky business: sometimes you get your OTP back, and sometimes it’s your crazy abusive husband who is now all about incest. Deathless love doesn’t sound so appealing now, does it?
20. Flash your nearest and dearest constantly. Do it.
21. If you can sex your OTP, do it. Like bunnies. Get it while the going is good. Peace, happiness, and all that good stuff is not going to last, trust me. You should store up that sex for a long long time.
22. If his fashion is so bad it’s out of this world, it probably is.
23. See advice No. 1
1. Kill yourself now. Honestly, that will just save time and bother and spare you an angsty, agonizing death later.
If you are too wimpy to do the same, follow advice 2-23
2. Be the first to rescue the heroine. That way she will fall in love with you, making your chances of survival marginally better. But don’t hold your breath. Actually, order a casket now and save.
3. If you are a bouncy, happy, average teenage girl, enjoy your happy humdrum days. They are numbered. Even if you won’t die, you’d wish you had.
4. If at all possible, be the elderly, cranky, unattractive comic relief. This increases your chances of living through it, as no one will care if you die.
5. If you are a gorgeous male, I suggest getting a life insurance policy now. At least your loved ones will be covered.
6. The good-looking bad guy has severe childhood trauma that makes him act the way he does. Awww, isn’t he cute. But since he will still blithely kill you and feed your body to his dogs, pity him from safe distance.
7. Being a Priestess surrounded by hunky warriors half of whom are crazy for you isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There is bound to be that pesky ‘untouched virgin’ requirement somewhere. Get a chastity belt, you’ll need it.
8. Actually, forget 7. Since you or your true love are likely to die gruesomely anyway, screw the quest and enjoy each other while it lasts. Not like you get anything out of the whole savior deal.
9. That beautiful woman? Probably a guy.
10. Get a taser. What with wannabe rapists, beasties, goons and other bad guys, it’s the best investment you’ll ever make.
11. Except, that is, for black outfits you’ll need to wear to all your friends’ funerals.
12. Find a boyfriend with the deadliest skills you know. Then scream his name at the first sign of danger. It’s more bother than a taser, but you are likely to last longer.
13. Just so you won't forget his name, practice saying it. A LOT. All the time. You don't want to blank out after all, just when a man-eating tiger or a water demon is about to get you.
14. Isn’t love wonderful? Yeah, we didn’t think so either. Prepare to suffer like you’ve never suffered before.
15. If he is straight, grab him. That’s a rarer trait than you think.
16. If your male enemy is more fixated on your boyfriend than on you, treat it as confirmation than your boyfriend is hot. After all, the bad guy could be fixating on you instead.
17. Are you a cute child? You are dead.
18. Are you the family of a major good character? You better be abusive and horrible to him or her, otherwise you are deeeeeead.
19. Reincarnation is a tricky business: sometimes you get your OTP back, and sometimes it’s your crazy abusive husband who is now all about incest. Deathless love doesn’t sound so appealing now, does it?
20. Flash your nearest and dearest constantly. Do it.
21. If you can sex your OTP, do it. Like bunnies. Get it while the going is good. Peace, happiness, and all that good stuff is not going to last, trust me. You should store up that sex for a long long time.
22. If his fashion is so bad it’s out of this world, it probably is.
23. See advice No. 1