Worst literary proposal in history?
Let me know if you want this behind cut.
Watching the train-wreck of a proposal scene in North & South made me think that classic literature is littered by these horrifying proposals (whether in the asking or the answering) so here is a poll to determine the worst. Because of poll space limitations, I elaborated the choices below. It's a wonder anyone in these books got married at all!
Poll Worst literary proposal in history?
Choice 1
"Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen
DARCY: Marry me even though my feelings are stupid and your family stinks.
LIZZY: You are arrogant and horrid and I'd only marry you if the other choice was Mr. Collins.
Choice 2
"Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen
MR. COLLINS: Marry me because my patroness says it's good. Plus, I have no brains so you can control me. And you can close your eyes real tight.
LIZZY: You know, suddenly Mr. Darcy looks strangely yummy. Yummier than usual even.
Choice 3
"North and South" by Mrs. Gaskell
THORNTON: I love you and I want to marry you.
MARGARET: You have insulted me by your love for reasons unknown. Also, you eat babies. Though I do like when you glover. Like now.
Choice 4
"Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte
ST. JOHN: You are ugly and made for labor not love. You'll make an excellent missionary.
JANE: Not the kind of missionary I was longing for with Mr. Rochester.
Choice 5
"Pamela" by Samuel Richardson
MR. B: Even though I kidnapped you and tried to rape you repeatedly, the fact that you equally repeatedly tried to kill yourself instead stirred my Madonna/Whore complex. Be mine, servant girl.
PAMELA: Such an honor. Bestest husband EVAH!
Choice 6
"Our Mutual Friend" by Charles Dickens
BELLA: Why do you look at me sometimes? You got eyes, or something? OMG, annoyed.
JOHN: I love you. Also, look how I am quiet and angsty and full of sex.
BELLA: I'm like a carnival, gotta have coins to ride. Plus, the book is nowhere near over yet, and where would we be if I accepted now?
Choice 7
"Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott
LAURIE: Marry me and my adorably floppy hair?
JO: Even though you are the coolest male character in the book, I won't because Louisa May Alcott has issues with fans.
Choice 8
"Hard Cash" by Charles Reade
KEEPER: Marry me and I'll let you out of this insane asylum your evil father put you, you sexy Oxonian, you!
ALFRED: Yeah, the food sucks and they shave my head and I get hideous punishments. Plus, I was kidnapped on the eve of my wedding. But I ain't THAT desperate yet, lady.
Choice 9
"Cecilia, Memoirs of an Heiress" by Fanny Burney.
DELVILE: I love you but I am so overcome and my family is so crazy, I can't even get to the point. But hey, I am a Mr. Darcy prototype.
CECILIA: You are uber-hot but at this rate we won't get together before page 900. Burney must get paid by the word.
Choice 10
"Tom Jones" by Henry Fielding
CAPN. BLIFIL: I need money and you are old and sex starved. Twu Wuv.
MRS. BLIFIL: OMG, a horrid husband is still a husband. Plus, one bastard child is enough yet I long for sex. Deal.
Watching the train-wreck of a proposal scene in North & South made me think that classic literature is littered by these horrifying proposals (whether in the asking or the answering) so here is a poll to determine the worst. Because of poll space limitations, I elaborated the choices below. It's a wonder anyone in these books got married at all!
Poll Worst literary proposal in history?
Choice 1
"Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen
DARCY: Marry me even though my feelings are stupid and your family stinks.
LIZZY: You are arrogant and horrid and I'd only marry you if the other choice was Mr. Collins.
Choice 2
"Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen
MR. COLLINS: Marry me because my patroness says it's good. Plus, I have no brains so you can control me. And you can close your eyes real tight.
LIZZY: You know, suddenly Mr. Darcy looks strangely yummy. Yummier than usual even.
Choice 3
"North and South" by Mrs. Gaskell
THORNTON: I love you and I want to marry you.
MARGARET: You have insulted me by your love for reasons unknown. Also, you eat babies. Though I do like when you glover. Like now.
Choice 4
"Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte
ST. JOHN: You are ugly and made for labor not love. You'll make an excellent missionary.
JANE: Not the kind of missionary I was longing for with Mr. Rochester.
Choice 5
"Pamela" by Samuel Richardson
MR. B: Even though I kidnapped you and tried to rape you repeatedly, the fact that you equally repeatedly tried to kill yourself instead stirred my Madonna/Whore complex. Be mine, servant girl.
PAMELA: Such an honor. Bestest husband EVAH!
Choice 6
"Our Mutual Friend" by Charles Dickens
BELLA: Why do you look at me sometimes? You got eyes, or something? OMG, annoyed.
JOHN: I love you. Also, look how I am quiet and angsty and full of sex.
BELLA: I'm like a carnival, gotta have coins to ride. Plus, the book is nowhere near over yet, and where would we be if I accepted now?
Choice 7
"Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott
LAURIE: Marry me and my adorably floppy hair?
JO: Even though you are the coolest male character in the book, I won't because Louisa May Alcott has issues with fans.
Choice 8
"Hard Cash" by Charles Reade
KEEPER: Marry me and I'll let you out of this insane asylum your evil father put you, you sexy Oxonian, you!
ALFRED: Yeah, the food sucks and they shave my head and I get hideous punishments. Plus, I was kidnapped on the eve of my wedding. But I ain't THAT desperate yet, lady.
Choice 9
"Cecilia, Memoirs of an Heiress" by Fanny Burney.
DELVILE: I love you but I am so overcome and my family is so crazy, I can't even get to the point. But hey, I am a Mr. Darcy prototype.
CECILIA: You are uber-hot but at this rate we won't get together before page 900. Burney must get paid by the word.
Choice 10
"Tom Jones" by Henry Fielding
CAPN. BLIFIL: I need money and you are old and sex starved. Twu Wuv.
MRS. BLIFIL: OMG, a horrid husband is still a husband. Plus, one bastard child is enough yet I long for sex. Deal.