The Scary Scary world of FF.net
Oh.My.God. The icon expresses how I feel.
Who posts on FF.net? And are they locked up somewhere? I could spend hours lambasting the stories through their summaries (some you don't even need to read) but I bring you samples from various fandoms. Mind you,all these have been taken from the First page and I didn't include the author's names because I am nice.
Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Carribean
STAR WARS
Both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan struggle to come to terms with their relationship after returning from Telos
Yeah, because Jedi who frown on all love relationship will overlook this one. Especially by-the-book Obi Wan.
(No langscenes.Rated to be safe)It starts in one generation and continues to the next, but why and how? Find out!
What *I* want to find out is what this story is about. Because the summary gives no clue.
Even though they are unable to tell whether R2D2 is a male or female, C3P0 and R2D2 get married.
Do I even NEED to comment on this one?
Anakin-Vader has survived the events of the second Death Star and is soon taken to one of Palpatine’s secret locations. Princess Leia and her friends are having doubts with Alliance Command and gain unexpected allies.
Awww, isn't it sweet that after Anakin married Vader he decided to hyphenate their names.
What if things had gone a bit differently in The Phantom Menace? Qui-GonShmi.
Qui-Gon: Anakin, I am your father.
Anakin: Nooooooooooo!
Warning-First fic. AU Anakin and Padme were seperated when the OCuncil found out about their union. Anakin is living with Luke and Padme with Leia. Will te force bring the back together?
What is this, Parent Trap with light sabers? Are Luke and Leia going to go to the Jedi summer camp? And don't even get me started on the sheer OOC of it all.
Anakin and Palpatine are ready to defeat the Jedi. He wants another Jedi apprentice - his new girlfriend, Padmé - to join them.
Is it me, or does this imply that Palpy+Padme 4evr? Also, apparently this Padme never married Anakin but on the plus side posesses the Force...*duly boggled*
(Alternate Universe). If you like stories that read like a good manga, this is for you. The destinies of an ambitious Chiss noble, a beautiful Twi'Lek singer, a motley of pirates . . .(rest of the trailer in document) READ AND REVIEW, PLEASE
This needs no snark. Not only is this AU from SW, apparently the author is AU from reality
Michael is considered an outcast in his family and he plans to run away and become a jedi knight. With the help of his new friends he may have a chance to save his girlfriend Jade.
Argh! Run! A male MarySue. And nice to know that it was only poor Anakin who the Jedi were preventing from forming romantic attachments since it seems that every other Jedi character is allowed to have love bunnies.
HARRY POTTER
harrys 6th year what happens when he is forced to marry, find out terrible truths,in the middle of an election year.
And that is why this fandom is scary.
Hermione begins to realize that she has fallen for Harry. But her parents have been murdered, and her twin brother has returned from Japan. How will this effect her chances with Harry? And what does her brother's past have to do with Voldermort's new all
You want to write H/H? Be my guest. There are plenty of well-written H/H out there. This one makes me want to ship Hermione/Pansy, just to stop the pain.
His body fell to the ground motionless. Harry shouted his name, but no reply came. Blood pooled around his body, from where the knife protruded from his stomach. My version of the 6th book. Chapter 4 up.
Somehow I don't think JKR would sue you for copyright infringement.
Sixth Year--Spoilers, Harry must come to terms with new pain, as well as the prophecy that dictates his own life, all the while trying to contain the madness that threatens to breach his soul, deciding if desire brings him happiness or destruction.
OMG! I am 13! I am soooo deep!
A normal teenage girl decideds to reread a book. Suddenly she's not in her bedroom anymore. She's lost in a world of magic, mystery, and enchantment. She's in the world of Harry Potter. Ann soon finds Destiny has more planned for her then she thought.
Unfortunately, that plan involved becoming target-practice for a bored Lucius Malfoy.
Luna Lovegood is a very complex person. At first glance, she might seem like a strange girl who doesn’t care what anybody thinks about her. At first glance, you would be wrong about her.
You think the author is projecting much?
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger the three inseparable best friends had finished their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry five years ago and... pairings- HG, RHr and Dnewcharacter.R&R...
I really want to meet Dnewcharacter. He/she has such an unusual name.
Harry is now in his greatest adventure to date, only this time he has not gine willingly, but by his choices, he is joined by Hermione and Remus in an adventure that will take them from Atlantis to Ancient Egipt, to the founding of Hogwarts and much more
Yes, it's an adventure to cure bad spelling.
With the key to Potter Manor Harry is in for a surprise when he finds the memory room where the great wizard Merlin lives. Anti-Dumboledore, Pro-Dark Arts but not evil, and some kick butt training to harnes his true power.
*Sporks self*
Hermione & Oliver concoct a scheme to throw off potential unwanted suitors. Better summery inside. I promise, it's really good! RR please!
But I still don't believe you.
[Slash.AU] In 1642, Harry is a Healer with bitter memories and unwanted magic. When the nearby town’s Father dies, the people of Hogsmeade are all too ready to turn on the young Healer, believing him to be the cause of death because of his pagan faith.
And this has WHAT in common with Harry Potter?
Yup, our favorite Potions professor is gonna decide to become a superhero! And he's gonna have a faithful sidekick! And they're gonna have silly adventures! Chapter 2 now up, read and enjoy! And as always, review, por favor!
At last, quality fic! Not.
MATRIX
Morpheus trys to save Neo after a pen tragedy!Please R&R!My first FF!
Neo ran out of office supplies?
Agent Smith thinks he has found "The One"...but has he? MatrixCharlie's Angels: Full Throttle crossover story This takes place before the first Matrix movie. It's Agent Smith vs. Anthony the thin man! Don't miss this!
*Dead silence*
Basically, this is the Matrix characters getting parts in numerous other plays and films and short passages from those roles. The opening chapter is the humorous first act play version of Oliver! complete with a song. and the first in a new series of my m
Dead silence continues
Post Revolutions, about seventeen years later. When a maniac and his band of followers threaten both the Matrix and Zion, a new heroine must come to terms with her heritage and her destiny.
Dead silence is broken as Dangermousie runs away from Mary Sues, screaming.
A The Matrix (1999) story. AU (alternate universe). I haven’t seen The Matrix Reloaded (2003) or The Matrix Revolutions (2003) so just assume that they never happened. OC: original characters (you have been warned). THOMAS: From the Greek for "twin."
Why would I read a fic you've written about something you've never seen and just labeled AU?
CROSSOVER: lotr, matrix, HP, POTC and Tombraider. Harry and Ron befriend a pair of hobbits and the infamous Jack Sparrow turns up. Drink up me hearties yo HO!
This might be some kind of record: violating all these fandoms at once!
A secret is revealed at a sleepover.... (An ATS fic)
Speaks for itself
LORD OF THE RINGS
When Elrond & company goes on an 'unexpected' trip to Mordor, (or Gondor) I am left to watch the Hobbits. When they were in my care, (you should feel sorry for me) I decided to write this. This will prove to be an interesting journey with hobbits!
God, I hope she is 12. And mentally challenged. Otherwise there is no hope for mankind.
A young historian is sent out on a simple mission that in the end could change Middle Earth forever. Can the actions of one change the lives of thousands? This is what Eogen the Hobbit must face.
Also, something tells me she will be uncommonly beautiful and climb in the sack with Frodo.
What REALLY happened after Gandalf "fell" in Moria? Why do wizards have such big noses? And, what's with all that grey? Click here if you want to see Galadriel get turned into a Horny Toad.
Which is why I won't click. Gandalf/Galadriel?
Rating just to be safe. Sequel to Summer Wind! Magdalena is now married to Elrohir, but even so, a few surprises and dangers still come after Magdalena. And will she ever get along with the other Elves?
It's a MarySue but at least she is after one of the book Elves. Maybe it's better? Nope, still sucks.
After being captured by orcs and taken to Southern Ithilien Aragorn and Legolas meet a mysterious Elvin woman who has too many dark secrets to keep. No slash.
Yeah, because it's a Mary Sue. Who is a mysterious new "Elvin" species.
A girl in Middle-Earth story. Willow has never read LotR, in fact, LotR never came out, so she's completely lost when she winds up in Middle-Earth, she can't speak Westron or Elvish and just wants to go home.
But I am sure she will learn it all and Legolas will fall in love with her. Or maybe I'll get lucky and she will get shot as an unidentified object as she falls from the sky.
Aragorn faces his guilt. Companion piece to Second Chance. Implied slash and mpreg.
And then the real Aragorn enters this story and disembowels the author.
Everything used to be okay between Arwen and Legolas, why is she pushing him away now?
Yeah, because his mpreg from Aragorn is putting her off.
What if the people in the LOTR had cars, and had rewritten the scripts for revenge on the scriptwriters? The King has returned, and so have some other people... (COMPLETE)
What if you had a brain and therefore never started this story?
To cut a long story short, The Ring wasn't really destroyed per say, and Merry and Pippin are the new Ring bearers. Not much to offer yet, but I'd like suggestions and opinions first. No use writing if no one likes..:)
And apparently no one does.
Three best friends find themselves in ME to go along on the quest, but is there another reason why they're there? Something waits for each of them somewhere in Middle Earth...what will happen? (sorry I'm no good at summaries)
Apparently you are no good at stories either.
Centuries ago the men of Numenor were banished from Mirkwood forever because of the love shared between the king of men and an elven prince. History is about to repeat itself. (LxA slash)
Ahh, but will there be mpreg? You can't lag behind!
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
Once in the court of Queen Anne, Coralie finds life dull, and goes off with a certain captain. Dealing with her huge crush on Will, her fued with Elizabeth, her mixed feelings for Jack, she finds herself in the middle of piracy. pg13 for lang lots o drama
Not only is it a Mary Sue, but it's a Mary Sue who can't spell but is apparently yearning for a 3-way.
After going on a cruise, Renata's life will be turned upside down. Just add a 22 yr. old girl from the 21st century, Jack Sparrow, a tempting treasure, and some rum. What do you get? A great story. Please R&R! CHP 5 LOADED
I am glad the author is confident it's a great story. Because to me, it's just another God-awful MarySue.
Helena's world is turned upside down when her father's ship lands in Port Royal in search of a very important piece of gold. But will getting the gold mean sacrificing the love of her life?
I very much hope so.
What happnes when an Elf, a Pirate, and a Blacksmith fall into the care of three seventeen year old girls. Why Romance and Humor of course! Add the blonde mob of death, the noble Xtera, ex boyfriends, school, family, and whole bunch of other things and yo
And that is why Orlando Bloom deserves his humongous salary. He needs to to maintain a bodyguard to enforce the restraining order.
Anna Wilson is willing to do anything to get away from the confines of her high-class lifestyle. She finds friendship in Will Turner and is soon thrust into his life of love and piracy. Will she be able to keep control of her emotions? WillOC
Rather touching that the author needs to add "WillOC." Like we haven't figured it out before!
An anthro-fic spoof of POTC. Jhenaye Drake, Captain of the ship Silver Dragon, finds that her dark past has caught up with her and an old acquaintance is more interesting then last time they met.
Anthro-spoof? *Dies*
Anamaria's daughter comes to Port Royal and is adopted by the Turner's. What will happen when Jack comes to visit? Is she his daughter? -Ratings may raise in time- Beware of corny eeunch jokes...
Is numb.
(Sequel to 'The Blessed Curse) Parenting isn't easy and being a pirate doesn't help any. You can do everything right, but still are left with the hardest task of all, letting go.
Oh. My. God. This is a series?
What if, during the movie, Elizabeth had a sister who tagged along on the adventure? I wrote this because I always wondered what it would be like if POTC had a younger kid in it. Chapter 3 is up!
I'll tell you what would have happened. Screams and slaughter. By me.
Nakada has found out her parents aren't her parents, that Jack Sparrow is. Horror, Adventure & Rum for all! I'm no good at summaries, it's alot better than this summary, promise!
Yeah, but why don't I believe you?
Who posts on FF.net? And are they locked up somewhere? I could spend hours lambasting the stories through their summaries (some you don't even need to read) but I bring you samples from various fandoms. Mind you,all these have been taken from the First page and I didn't include the author's names because I am nice.
Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Carribean
STAR WARS
Both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan struggle to come to terms with their relationship after returning from Telos
Yeah, because Jedi who frown on all love relationship will overlook this one. Especially by-the-book Obi Wan.
(No langscenes.Rated to be safe)It starts in one generation and continues to the next, but why and how? Find out!
What *I* want to find out is what this story is about. Because the summary gives no clue.
Even though they are unable to tell whether R2D2 is a male or female, C3P0 and R2D2 get married.
Do I even NEED to comment on this one?
Anakin-Vader has survived the events of the second Death Star and is soon taken to one of Palpatine’s secret locations. Princess Leia and her friends are having doubts with Alliance Command and gain unexpected allies.
Awww, isn't it sweet that after Anakin married Vader he decided to hyphenate their names.
What if things had gone a bit differently in The Phantom Menace? Qui-GonShmi.
Qui-Gon: Anakin, I am your father.
Anakin: Nooooooooooo!
Warning-First fic. AU Anakin and Padme were seperated when the OCuncil found out about their union. Anakin is living with Luke and Padme with Leia. Will te force bring the back together?
What is this, Parent Trap with light sabers? Are Luke and Leia going to go to the Jedi summer camp? And don't even get me started on the sheer OOC of it all.
Anakin and Palpatine are ready to defeat the Jedi. He wants another Jedi apprentice - his new girlfriend, Padmé - to join them.
Is it me, or does this imply that Palpy+Padme 4evr? Also, apparently this Padme never married Anakin but on the plus side posesses the Force...*duly boggled*
(Alternate Universe). If you like stories that read like a good manga, this is for you. The destinies of an ambitious Chiss noble, a beautiful Twi'Lek singer, a motley of pirates . . .(rest of the trailer in document) READ AND REVIEW, PLEASE
This needs no snark. Not only is this AU from SW, apparently the author is AU from reality
Michael is considered an outcast in his family and he plans to run away and become a jedi knight. With the help of his new friends he may have a chance to save his girlfriend Jade.
Argh! Run! A male MarySue. And nice to know that it was only poor Anakin who the Jedi were preventing from forming romantic attachments since it seems that every other Jedi character is allowed to have love bunnies.
HARRY POTTER
harrys 6th year what happens when he is forced to marry, find out terrible truths,in the middle of an election year.
And that is why this fandom is scary.
Hermione begins to realize that she has fallen for Harry. But her parents have been murdered, and her twin brother has returned from Japan. How will this effect her chances with Harry? And what does her brother's past have to do with Voldermort's new all
You want to write H/H? Be my guest. There are plenty of well-written H/H out there. This one makes me want to ship Hermione/Pansy, just to stop the pain.
His body fell to the ground motionless. Harry shouted his name, but no reply came. Blood pooled around his body, from where the knife protruded from his stomach. My version of the 6th book. Chapter 4 up.
Somehow I don't think JKR would sue you for copyright infringement.
Sixth Year--Spoilers, Harry must come to terms with new pain, as well as the prophecy that dictates his own life, all the while trying to contain the madness that threatens to breach his soul, deciding if desire brings him happiness or destruction.
OMG! I am 13! I am soooo deep!
A normal teenage girl decideds to reread a book. Suddenly she's not in her bedroom anymore. She's lost in a world of magic, mystery, and enchantment. She's in the world of Harry Potter. Ann soon finds Destiny has more planned for her then she thought.
Unfortunately, that plan involved becoming target-practice for a bored Lucius Malfoy.
Luna Lovegood is a very complex person. At first glance, she might seem like a strange girl who doesn’t care what anybody thinks about her. At first glance, you would be wrong about her.
You think the author is projecting much?
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger the three inseparable best friends had finished their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry five years ago and... pairings- HG, RHr and Dnewcharacter.R&R...
I really want to meet Dnewcharacter. He/she has such an unusual name.
Harry is now in his greatest adventure to date, only this time he has not gine willingly, but by his choices, he is joined by Hermione and Remus in an adventure that will take them from Atlantis to Ancient Egipt, to the founding of Hogwarts and much more
Yes, it's an adventure to cure bad spelling.
With the key to Potter Manor Harry is in for a surprise when he finds the memory room where the great wizard Merlin lives. Anti-Dumboledore, Pro-Dark Arts but not evil, and some kick butt training to harnes his true power.
*Sporks self*
Hermione & Oliver concoct a scheme to throw off potential unwanted suitors. Better summery inside. I promise, it's really good! RR please!
But I still don't believe you.
[Slash.AU] In 1642, Harry is a Healer with bitter memories and unwanted magic. When the nearby town’s Father dies, the people of Hogsmeade are all too ready to turn on the young Healer, believing him to be the cause of death because of his pagan faith.
And this has WHAT in common with Harry Potter?
Yup, our favorite Potions professor is gonna decide to become a superhero! And he's gonna have a faithful sidekick! And they're gonna have silly adventures! Chapter 2 now up, read and enjoy! And as always, review, por favor!
At last, quality fic! Not.
MATRIX
Morpheus trys to save Neo after a pen tragedy!Please R&R!My first FF!
Neo ran out of office supplies?
Agent Smith thinks he has found "The One"...but has he? MatrixCharlie's Angels: Full Throttle crossover story This takes place before the first Matrix movie. It's Agent Smith vs. Anthony the thin man! Don't miss this!
*Dead silence*
Basically, this is the Matrix characters getting parts in numerous other plays and films and short passages from those roles. The opening chapter is the humorous first act play version of Oliver! complete with a song. and the first in a new series of my m
Dead silence continues
Post Revolutions, about seventeen years later. When a maniac and his band of followers threaten both the Matrix and Zion, a new heroine must come to terms with her heritage and her destiny.
Dead silence is broken as Dangermousie runs away from Mary Sues, screaming.
A The Matrix (1999) story. AU (alternate universe). I haven’t seen The Matrix Reloaded (2003) or The Matrix Revolutions (2003) so just assume that they never happened. OC: original characters (you have been warned). THOMAS: From the Greek for "twin."
Why would I read a fic you've written about something you've never seen and just labeled AU?
CROSSOVER: lotr, matrix, HP, POTC and Tombraider. Harry and Ron befriend a pair of hobbits and the infamous Jack Sparrow turns up. Drink up me hearties yo HO!
This might be some kind of record: violating all these fandoms at once!
A secret is revealed at a sleepover.... (An ATS fic)
Speaks for itself
LORD OF THE RINGS
When Elrond & company goes on an 'unexpected' trip to Mordor, (or Gondor) I am left to watch the Hobbits. When they were in my care, (you should feel sorry for me) I decided to write this. This will prove to be an interesting journey with hobbits!
God, I hope she is 12. And mentally challenged. Otherwise there is no hope for mankind.
A young historian is sent out on a simple mission that in the end could change Middle Earth forever. Can the actions of one change the lives of thousands? This is what Eogen the Hobbit must face.
Also, something tells me she will be uncommonly beautiful and climb in the sack with Frodo.
What REALLY happened after Gandalf "fell" in Moria? Why do wizards have such big noses? And, what's with all that grey? Click here if you want to see Galadriel get turned into a Horny Toad.
Which is why I won't click. Gandalf/Galadriel?
Rating just to be safe. Sequel to Summer Wind! Magdalena is now married to Elrohir, but even so, a few surprises and dangers still come after Magdalena. And will she ever get along with the other Elves?
It's a MarySue but at least she is after one of the book Elves. Maybe it's better? Nope, still sucks.
After being captured by orcs and taken to Southern Ithilien Aragorn and Legolas meet a mysterious Elvin woman who has too many dark secrets to keep. No slash.
Yeah, because it's a Mary Sue. Who is a mysterious new "Elvin" species.
A girl in Middle-Earth story. Willow has never read LotR, in fact, LotR never came out, so she's completely lost when she winds up in Middle-Earth, she can't speak Westron or Elvish and just wants to go home.
But I am sure she will learn it all and Legolas will fall in love with her. Or maybe I'll get lucky and she will get shot as an unidentified object as she falls from the sky.
Aragorn faces his guilt. Companion piece to Second Chance. Implied slash and mpreg.
And then the real Aragorn enters this story and disembowels the author.
Everything used to be okay between Arwen and Legolas, why is she pushing him away now?
Yeah, because his mpreg from Aragorn is putting her off.
What if the people in the LOTR had cars, and had rewritten the scripts for revenge on the scriptwriters? The King has returned, and so have some other people... (COMPLETE)
What if you had a brain and therefore never started this story?
To cut a long story short, The Ring wasn't really destroyed per say, and Merry and Pippin are the new Ring bearers. Not much to offer yet, but I'd like suggestions and opinions first. No use writing if no one likes..:)
And apparently no one does.
Three best friends find themselves in ME to go along on the quest, but is there another reason why they're there? Something waits for each of them somewhere in Middle Earth...what will happen? (sorry I'm no good at summaries)
Apparently you are no good at stories either.
Centuries ago the men of Numenor were banished from Mirkwood forever because of the love shared between the king of men and an elven prince. History is about to repeat itself. (LxA slash)
Ahh, but will there be mpreg? You can't lag behind!
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
Once in the court of Queen Anne, Coralie finds life dull, and goes off with a certain captain. Dealing with her huge crush on Will, her fued with Elizabeth, her mixed feelings for Jack, she finds herself in the middle of piracy. pg13 for lang lots o drama
Not only is it a Mary Sue, but it's a Mary Sue who can't spell but is apparently yearning for a 3-way.
After going on a cruise, Renata's life will be turned upside down. Just add a 22 yr. old girl from the 21st century, Jack Sparrow, a tempting treasure, and some rum. What do you get? A great story. Please R&R! CHP 5 LOADED
I am glad the author is confident it's a great story. Because to me, it's just another God-awful MarySue.
Helena's world is turned upside down when her father's ship lands in Port Royal in search of a very important piece of gold. But will getting the gold mean sacrificing the love of her life?
I very much hope so.
What happnes when an Elf, a Pirate, and a Blacksmith fall into the care of three seventeen year old girls. Why Romance and Humor of course! Add the blonde mob of death, the noble Xtera, ex boyfriends, school, family, and whole bunch of other things and yo
And that is why Orlando Bloom deserves his humongous salary. He needs to to maintain a bodyguard to enforce the restraining order.
Anna Wilson is willing to do anything to get away from the confines of her high-class lifestyle. She finds friendship in Will Turner and is soon thrust into his life of love and piracy. Will she be able to keep control of her emotions? WillOC
Rather touching that the author needs to add "WillOC." Like we haven't figured it out before!
An anthro-fic spoof of POTC. Jhenaye Drake, Captain of the ship Silver Dragon, finds that her dark past has caught up with her and an old acquaintance is more interesting then last time they met.
Anthro-spoof? *Dies*
Anamaria's daughter comes to Port Royal and is adopted by the Turner's. What will happen when Jack comes to visit? Is she his daughter? -Ratings may raise in time- Beware of corny eeunch jokes...
Is numb.
(Sequel to 'The Blessed Curse) Parenting isn't easy and being a pirate doesn't help any. You can do everything right, but still are left with the hardest task of all, letting go.
Oh. My. God. This is a series?
What if, during the movie, Elizabeth had a sister who tagged along on the adventure? I wrote this because I always wondered what it would be like if POTC had a younger kid in it. Chapter 3 is up!
I'll tell you what would have happened. Screams and slaughter. By me.
Nakada has found out her parents aren't her parents, that Jack Sparrow is. Horror, Adventure & Rum for all! I'm no good at summaries, it's alot better than this summary, promise!
Yeah, but why don't I believe you?