Weekend Recap
Couldn't have planned it better myself.
Friday night I got to learn part of
icedaemoness' solo. It is absolutely beautiful. It made me feel pretty. Hard to explain. I got to show her at the end of class. We both broke down. We both needed it. All I know is that Friday class is the only one in the week where I feel like I can move like myself, with no excuses, no judgment.
Sat in a colder than usual hospital room getting what felt like 3 gallons of blood drained for my remission test...results will be in on Monday night. Appendages crossed, yes?
Saturday was filled with studying and a photoshoot with an awesome photographer. She is committed to making me realize my raw beauty. Hmph. Working on it. But the photos are really pretty! Reviewed the study sheet for my Anatomy exam this Monday ad nauseum (yeah, that's right. I know my Latin!) and thought about doing laundry. Didn't actually do it. Whoops. Instead did more studying, a crossword puzzle (Saturday NY Times....it's a toughie!) and ate a lot of food. Whoops again.
Sunday started off with a good night's sleep (always a plus) after a long night of studying the wide world of epithelial tissues. Can you say big fun? (I can't. But you go right ahead.) Headed to lululemon on Grant for our dear
cera's ambassador workshops on "Fit vs. Thin" (hello revelations!) and a really super fun beginning bellydance class. Much happiness of the heart. And liberation of the butt. Long story. But a good one!
Boogied on over to the gym for a nice long turn on the TreadClimber (thank you Nautilis for creating a machine that makes me feel like I'm hiking while allowing me to burn 100s of calories in minutes....I do appreciate it) and a flashcard workthrough. I think I've officially become the "book girl" at my gym. I'm always studying. Granted, I get bored just running or walking in place while I'm doing cardio, so my flashcards keep me occupied. But still. I'm a potential anecdote. Haha.
Finished my workout an hour and a half of sweaty goodness later and felt awesome. Awesome enough to eat lunch! I sat and ate half of a really tasty sandwich (I know....carbs...shut up) at the Justin Hermann Plaza at the Embarcadero and watched passers by stroll in the half-light of afternoon sunshine and listened to kids playing around the waterfall. Waited for my study partner to show up...when she didn't, I gave her a call and found out she was stuck in the East Bay. Usually, that would have thrown me for such a loop. But today, I shook it off immediately. In fact, there really wasn't anything to shake off! Progress, no?
Strolled back up to Powell and bought myself some astoundingly inexpensive long sleeve shirts for Kansas (read: Old Navy winter clearance. Hell yes.) and went back to lulu for a new blue top and a yummy warm sweatshirt. It's bright magenta. I adore it. It's like
cera's black & white one (that always reminds me of a zebra....love!) but mine is bright magenta with orange stripes. Basically, mine's a zebra in drag.
Now here's where the breakthrough comes. I hate dressing rooms. They make me feel claustrophobic and fat. I hate the 4 way mirrors. But you know what? It didn't bother me today. I was looking at my reflection, with my hair all frumpy and side parted and my skin all awkward and post-chemo-ey. And you know what else? I looked pretty. Not over the top knockout gorgeous. But I felt like I was one of those people that at first glance you wouldn't call a conventional kind of pretty. But there's something about their features that makes them uniquely pretty. That's how I felt. A unique kind of pretty.
I think I get caught being mean to myself when I judge myself on the conventional kind of pretty. I'll never be that. But I'm starting to feel like my features, my body, and my mind are pretty even though they don't fit the pre-conceived notion of pretty. No one else in the world looks exactly like me. I'm the one and only Miss Claire Bear.
I might as well enjoy being me.
Friday night I got to learn part of
icedaemoness' solo. It is absolutely beautiful. It made me feel pretty. Hard to explain. I got to show her at the end of class. We both broke down. We both needed it. All I know is that Friday class is the only one in the week where I feel like I can move like myself, with no excuses, no judgment.
Sat in a colder than usual hospital room getting what felt like 3 gallons of blood drained for my remission test...results will be in on Monday night. Appendages crossed, yes?
Saturday was filled with studying and a photoshoot with an awesome photographer. She is committed to making me realize my raw beauty. Hmph. Working on it. But the photos are really pretty! Reviewed the study sheet for my Anatomy exam this Monday ad nauseum (yeah, that's right. I know my Latin!) and thought about doing laundry. Didn't actually do it. Whoops. Instead did more studying, a crossword puzzle (Saturday NY Times....it's a toughie!) and ate a lot of food. Whoops again.
Sunday started off with a good night's sleep (always a plus) after a long night of studying the wide world of epithelial tissues. Can you say big fun? (I can't. But you go right ahead.) Headed to lululemon on Grant for our dear
cera's ambassador workshops on "Fit vs. Thin" (hello revelations!) and a really super fun beginning bellydance class. Much happiness of the heart. And liberation of the butt. Long story. But a good one!
Boogied on over to the gym for a nice long turn on the TreadClimber (thank you Nautilis for creating a machine that makes me feel like I'm hiking while allowing me to burn 100s of calories in minutes....I do appreciate it) and a flashcard workthrough. I think I've officially become the "book girl" at my gym. I'm always studying. Granted, I get bored just running or walking in place while I'm doing cardio, so my flashcards keep me occupied. But still. I'm a potential anecdote. Haha.
Finished my workout an hour and a half of sweaty goodness later and felt awesome. Awesome enough to eat lunch! I sat and ate half of a really tasty sandwich (I know....carbs...shut up) at the Justin Hermann Plaza at the Embarcadero and watched passers by stroll in the half-light of afternoon sunshine and listened to kids playing around the waterfall. Waited for my study partner to show up...when she didn't, I gave her a call and found out she was stuck in the East Bay. Usually, that would have thrown me for such a loop. But today, I shook it off immediately. In fact, there really wasn't anything to shake off! Progress, no?
Strolled back up to Powell and bought myself some astoundingly inexpensive long sleeve shirts for Kansas (read: Old Navy winter clearance. Hell yes.) and went back to lulu for a new blue top and a yummy warm sweatshirt. It's bright magenta. I adore it. It's like
cera's black & white one (that always reminds me of a zebra....love!) but mine is bright magenta with orange stripes. Basically, mine's a zebra in drag.
Now here's where the breakthrough comes. I hate dressing rooms. They make me feel claustrophobic and fat. I hate the 4 way mirrors. But you know what? It didn't bother me today. I was looking at my reflection, with my hair all frumpy and side parted and my skin all awkward and post-chemo-ey. And you know what else? I looked pretty. Not over the top knockout gorgeous. But I felt like I was one of those people that at first glance you wouldn't call a conventional kind of pretty. But there's something about their features that makes them uniquely pretty. That's how I felt. A unique kind of pretty.
I think I get caught being mean to myself when I judge myself on the conventional kind of pretty. I'll never be that. But I'm starting to feel like my features, my body, and my mind are pretty even though they don't fit the pre-conceived notion of pretty. No one else in the world looks exactly like me. I'm the one and only Miss Claire Bear.
I might as well enjoy being me.