vent.
well, me and jason are over.
i guess it was fun while it lasted. i mean i still love him so much and he says he still loves me too, he just needs his space to hangout with his friends and go out and not have to worry about someone getting mad or upset or hurting them. i guess thats good that he doesnt want to hurt me anymore but its not like it was every single day. the only reason things were going wrong were because when we would fight, it would be bad. but thats only because were both stubborn and want to do different things all the time. i jsut need to accept the fact that he has friends who he wants to spend alot of time with. I just want him to be happy and if that means being broken up, then so be it. In the long run it will probably be better for us. Were still friends tho. best friends. and i like that. i couldnt imagin him not being in my life. hes such a big part of my life, even if that means us only being friends. I just dont know how im going to react when i see or hear that hes with another girl. it would break my heart all over again, but its something i need to start dealing with because it will happen sooner or later i guess. sigh.
Ericas friday night is going to be great. i get to see old friends and hangout and play some beerpong. im just way excited. it just seems like everyone is breaking up though. me and jason; bill and ash; erica and joe; gene and tavia; its just so wierd. i guess its that time of year when theres lots of partys and holidays that people jsut want to be single and have fun. Its just lonley when i go to bed and have no one to call at night to say 'i love you' to or cuddle with. thats what in really going to miss about jason. Although we fight, hes the greatest boyfriend. he was always there for me when i really needed him the most and he never kicked me when i was down. he always picked me up and made me laugh and smile. He says he loves that; my smile. Its funny because i love his. he has the best smile because his whole face just..brightens up. <3. iam completely head of heels for him, he just doesnt realize it i guess.
Heather is trying to hook me up with some kid she knows from Redstone. Hes pretty cute, looks a little bit like Dane cook! haha. he wants to take me out on a date, but im not sure if im ready for that next step yet, its only been a few days. but jason is so set on being single,its like..well what am i waiting for? i might as well get back in the game and just date different people and find out which type of guy is right for me and who i would be happy with. I just hate the whole idea of starting completly over. its like..i wasted a whole 2 years of my life with someone who i thought was the right guy but it just turns out hes not and i deffitnally do NOT want to get hurt again, espically not how im feeling right now. i never want to feel this way again its like am empty feeling, like i have no heart anymore. like someone this missing. i want to find someone who will make me feel completely whole again, to put the pieces back together. i want someone to love me for me. i dont want to have to change anything about myself, i just want them to love everything about me and shower me with compliments and gifts and love. whys it so hard to find someone to love you for you?