Frustration and Stress

[danger_chick]

I've never been a particularly good fighter in TKD and furthermore I don't really enjoy it. Sparring causes me so much stress about the only way to control it when I was in Boston was to fight all of the time. Compared to who I fight on an average basis these days -- men that out-weigh me, are a foot taller, and some of which are ground fighting

Comments

[danger_chick]

I'm not good because I will always have this doubt in the back of my mind now about what is going to happen. Likewise, in your situation, your anxiety only makes your sparring worse.

Yeah, you are right on both accounts. I've seen your situation happen in other sports. Plus, you are right that my sparring is sucking particularly much right now. It's like I am so firmly engaged in flight mode that I can barely stay there for the fight. People end up chasing me around.

I know that my attitude about sparring has a lot to do with a lot of other things in my life.

Not certain what you mean about this one. Is it just as simple as the more out of control my life is in general, the less likely I will be able to deal with sparring?

It's weird. I ran into a woman at lunch today that is the sister of the other TKD instructor in town. The guys in my school spend a lot of time making fun of that school, because they do non-contact sparring. The sister recently quit teaching because she had destroyed both of her knees. In some way she wasn't very helpful to talk to, because she quit teaching over sparring. She feels that sparring is the most important part and that she had nothing else to offer in a way if she didn't spar. I don't think that's entirely true, but it certainly feels like she is right. We never saw Mr Kim spar...in fact, did we ever see anyone from the full-time staff spar?

I don't want special treatment, but there is no way I am going to be able to stay in the school right now without some special treatment. I hate being the squeaky wheel.

[elpf]

Well, I did a sort of stream of conciousness response to you and some of it had to do with personal feelings about sparring. For me, sparring somehow became a way to feel like I had some sort of control over things in my life that felt out of control. This means that sometimes when I'm stressed, my sparring suffers and vice-versa. To try to generalize, it is possible to get in vicious anxiety-producing cycles and I think that is especially true because after all, you are being attacked. No matter how controlled the environment is, that is a basic fact.

I think the main point from all my talk about cycles and it being mental is that you can't stay stuck in the cycle and maybe you won't know what the final answer is until you've given yourself a bit of space from the problem.

There. I'm done.

[danger_chick]

Thanks for all of your help.

BTW, I really hope to see you in Boston next month! What I really wish I had time to do the Thursday forms class with...I am completely blanking on the guys name right now -- very tall black belt that works the front desk and hits on women (but not to be mistaken with Marshall who is like a younger version of him).