Great opening chapter. Ringo seems in a better mood, if not still rather surprised and a tad overwhelmed by the reception the Beatles are getting in general, and specifically America. Exciting times for a lad from the Dingle. I think that's what's jarring with him - it's such a cultural shift, Liverpool to the Toppermost of the Poppermost - even though he has a nice analogy/comparison between Liverpool and New York
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Thank you for the comments. When I tried a new way of writing (thanks to you) it seemed to be able to writer easier. Even though I'm still having trouble with the head hopping. Maybe, as the story progresses I'll get better with that
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No head hopping in this chapter anywhere. None. Very well written. Excellent use of point of view. Really close POV to Ringo which was very enjoyable. If you think, not a huge amount of action happens in that first chapter - the Beatles are on a plane and it lands - but because of the way you've written it, it's actually quite gripping, the banter is easy and it flows really well, a pleasure to read.
I feel Charlie's POV is not quite as close, but I think this is down to Charlie not being totally honest with herself. If I was writing a 'reading' on it, that's what I would say - Ringo is honest and true to himself (which is how he is as a person) so 'we, the reader' are close to him too. Charlie is more upset with herself, but deflecting her frustrations onto others - so as she holds herself at a distance, we the reader are held back slightly too, wondering what it is that makes her this way. It's something Charlie's not 'discussing' with herself. That's deep, that is. And that's why this piece of writing is some of your best. I'm
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I think I would say Paul was middle class - at least lower middle class - as his mother was a nurse and his dad worked in cotton trading, but did he teach music at some point or have I just made that up?
I know that Jim had a band. The Jim Mac Band but I can't recall whether or not if he also taught music at one point in time.
I think for chapter two that'll really be a test of whose perspective I'll choose to write Charlie and Ringo's combined scenes from but I think they both deserve their thoughts to be revealed in shared scenes. Also, I want readers to know what the two of them think of each other in that precise moment right along with the leads of this story.
Very interesting chapter and I'm still intrigued by this pairing even though it hasn't even started yet, LOL. Already you've painted them as characters that will be good balances to each other.
I think you are doing a fine job with showing where Ringo and Maureen's relationship is at this time. They wouldn't be exclusive for a while yet (well...he wouldn't be exclusive to her, I think it was sort of expected that she'd be exclusive to him). So it's a fine time to have him play around a bit and explore. But he is involved enough with her that he'd likely feel at least a tiny bit guilty for not wanting to call her after he had arrived in New York. But that guilt he immediately turns around and justifies. The human mind is great at justifying what it doesn't want to do for whatever reason.
His mates had earned the right to enjoy this fanfare but he hadn’t been there from the beginningThis here is an interesting insight into Ringo's psyche and insecurity. He's been there for a while and really and truly was the part that completed the
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I feel Charlie's POV is not quite as close, but I think this is down to Charlie not being totally honest with herself. If I was writing a 'reading' on it, that's what I would say - Ringo is honest and true to himself (which is how he is as a person) so 'we, the reader' are close to him too. Charlie is more upset with herself, but deflecting her frustrations onto others - so as she holds herself at a distance, we the reader are held back slightly too, wondering what it is that makes her this way. It's something Charlie's not 'discussing' with herself. That's deep, that is. And that's why this piece of writing is some of your best. I'm ( ... )
Reply
I know that Jim had a band. The Jim Mac Band but I can't recall whether or not if he also taught music at one point in time.
I think for chapter two that'll really be a test of whose perspective I'll choose to write Charlie and Ringo's combined scenes from but I think they both deserve their thoughts to be revealed in shared scenes. Also, I want readers to know what the two of them think of each other in that precise moment right along with the leads of this story.
Reply
I think you are doing a fine job with showing where Ringo and Maureen's relationship is at this time. They wouldn't be exclusive for a while yet (well...he wouldn't be exclusive to her, I think it was sort of expected that she'd be exclusive to him). So it's a fine time to have him play around a bit and explore. But he is involved enough with her that he'd likely feel at least a tiny bit guilty for not wanting to call her after he had arrived in New York. But that guilt he immediately turns around and justifies. The human mind is great at justifying what it doesn't want to do for whatever reason.
His mates had earned the right to enjoy this fanfare but he hadn’t been there from the beginningThis here is an interesting insight into Ringo's psyche and insecurity. He's been there for a while and really and truly was the part that completed the ( ... )
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