I like the Buddy Holly theme, lol. I wish I'd thought of that! I can never seem to think of anything more original than a Beatle song or something. Cliche. Titles are an art.
Critique seems rather formal, suggestion may have been a better word.
I'm perhaps a little impatient too, as this is just the prologue and obviously you're going to give more away about Charlie later on -- and I think you should let us readers in on more about her, lol. Keeping one or two things back perhaps, but we want to get to know Charlie!! She's fascinating. (I have a little unfair advantage, you know, but believe me, she's fascinating. I think there is so much you can do here with Charls).
The POV thing - I don't mean you have to switch out of third person, I just mean you could stay with the single POV - especially as these two scenes are all about the self - how 'we' see ourselves in comparison to how others see us, so it would maybe make sense to stay with Ringo and then Charlie through out. For example, in the Ringo scene there's two instances where it head hops to Maureen -
Maureen disappointedly responded on not fitting into his plans
and
She hesitantly asked because they’d only been on the phone for a few minutes and she wanted to speak with him longer.
Both these things are Maureen's inner feelings and thoughts, which Ringo can't possibly know. You can tell the readers both of these things from Ringo's POV and perhaps it will have a more dramatic effect? In the first instance, Ringo could hear that she sounds disappointed, and from that he can guess that it's because she's not fitting into his plans - correctly and backed up by his later assertion that he knows she wants him to commit to her more, but he's not ready to. Alternatively you can have Maureen tell Ringo these things - like for the second instance, she asks him if he's hanging the phone up already, she could add that she's not been talking to him for very long (ie. in the dialogue) - that would support the idea that Mo wants more than Ritchie's keen on giving, even if that's just time on the phone. Same goes for the Charlie/Stan scene.
It's just a suggestion, and perhaps another way of looking at things that you might not have considered before. Don't take it as criticism or think that I don't think it's good - because I do! I think these stories are your best! And I think this is a lovely prologue. Can't wait for more, but take your time too!
If you're stuck with a story title a Beatles song choices seems to be a fitting choice. I've taken that and use Buddy Holly song titles and it wasn't even my idea. I noticed that dasliebchenkind does that and now I do it. The titles generally fit what's going on in the story. LOL.
Oh, I agree that knowing more about Charlie is necessary. I'm just particular about how much I want to share and want to pace myself with those details. Also, I still don't plan on sharing everything about her.
I'll have to see if I can effectively master showing the other person's thoughts through Ringo or Charlie's point of view. I don't usually do that. So, that might be good for my writing or it could gum up the works on how I tell a story and prolong these chapters even further. HA.
It's a effect tool. I think it's the sort of thing that might help with my creativity. I appreciate the suggestion.
You don't plan on sharing everything about Charlie now, in this story, or ever? Surely not ever?!
The single POV idea is kind of the 'standard' way you 'should' write. Should in inverted commas because I don't think there should be any one single set of rules when it comes to writing. Subverting the 'rules' is where creativity comes from, isn't it? I believe The Great Gatsby is written with a shared POV. Whatever works is good.
I think all of my stories have Beatle song title titles, lol, except for two and one's a song by someone else and ones a lame title for a lame, lame story (Razzmatazz song by someone else and Certainty of Chance is lame, in case you were wondering). It's not very original or imaginative! I just can't ever think of good titles.
I wish you would've given Certainty of Chance a chance!
Eventually, I'd like to believe all will be revealed about Charlie. It just won't be in this story because it isn't the right time for it. However, there is potential for Ringo to be the one to get it out of her. It just depends on how the story grows.
Critique seems rather formal, suggestion may have been a better word.
I'm perhaps a little impatient too, as this is just the prologue and obviously you're going to give more away about Charlie later on -- and I think you should let us readers in on more about her, lol. Keeping one or two things back perhaps, but we want to get to know Charlie!! She's fascinating. (I have a little unfair advantage, you know, but believe me, she's fascinating. I think there is so much you can do here with Charls).
The POV thing - I don't mean you have to switch out of third person, I just mean you could stay with the single POV - especially as these two scenes are all about the self - how 'we' see ourselves in comparison to how others see us, so it would maybe make sense to stay with Ringo and then Charlie through out. For example, in the Ringo scene there's two instances where it head hops to Maureen -
Maureen disappointedly responded on not fitting into his plans
and
She hesitantly asked because they’d only been on the phone for a few minutes and she wanted to speak with him longer.
Both these things are Maureen's inner feelings and thoughts, which Ringo can't possibly know. You can tell the readers both of these things from Ringo's POV and perhaps it will have a more dramatic effect? In the first instance, Ringo could hear that she sounds disappointed, and from that he can guess that it's because she's not fitting into his plans - correctly and backed up by his later assertion that he knows she wants him to commit to her more, but he's not ready to. Alternatively you can have Maureen tell Ringo these things - like for the second instance, she asks him if he's hanging the phone up already, she could add that she's not been talking to him for very long (ie. in the dialogue) - that would support the idea that Mo wants more than Ritchie's keen on giving, even if that's just time on the phone. Same goes for the Charlie/Stan scene.
It's just a suggestion, and perhaps another way of looking at things that you might not have considered before. Don't take it as criticism or think that I don't think it's good - because I do! I think these stories are your best! And I think this is a lovely prologue. Can't wait for more, but take your time too!
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Oh, I agree that knowing more about Charlie is necessary. I'm just particular about how much I want to share and want to pace myself with those details. Also, I still don't plan on sharing everything about her.
I'll have to see if I can effectively master showing the other person's thoughts through Ringo or Charlie's point of view. I don't usually do that. So, that might be good for my writing or it could gum up the works on how I tell a story and prolong these chapters even further. HA.
It's a effect tool. I think it's the sort of thing that might help with my creativity. I appreciate the suggestion.
Reply
The single POV idea is kind of the 'standard' way you 'should' write. Should in inverted commas because I don't think there should be any one single set of rules when it comes to writing. Subverting the 'rules' is where creativity comes from, isn't it? I believe The Great Gatsby is written with a shared POV. Whatever works is good.
I think all of my stories have Beatle song title titles, lol, except for two and one's a song by someone else and ones a lame title for a lame, lame story (Razzmatazz song by someone else and Certainty of Chance is lame, in case you were wondering). It's not very original or imaginative! I just can't ever think of good titles.
Reply
Eventually, I'd like to believe all will be revealed about Charlie. It just won't be in this story because it isn't the right time for it. However, there is potential for Ringo to be the one to get it out of her. It just depends on how the story grows.
Reply
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