Your gonna kiss the sun! And taste the mother fucking rainbow!
I’m presenting you with an opportunity, I’m guessing none of you have actually possessed me and experienced what it is like to live a day as the Jee, you don’t know how hard it is to be someone until you have walked a mile in there shoes? I’m willing to bet that does not apply to my life. This is only going to happen once because I see no point in updating unless interesting stuff happens, I’m not into that whole ‘my boring day in 12 pages’ stuff, only if I’m trying to send a message or something happens do I update, today is an exception.
My alarm went off at 6:30AM this morning for work, and my stupid anemic body told me that 8 hours sleep was not enough so I slept the extra half hour meaning I could still make it to work on time I just had to skip showering. I got up and mumbled something like a good morning to my mother and put my shirt on inside out, I get half way to work before I figure out that it is inside out, get to work and have to over exaggerate how well I’m feeling to my manager who for some strange reason thinks a man can survive on 7 hours of work a week and that he should give 30 hours to the new kid who started just a week before. They stuck me in with dickhead Ben again, the reason I think he is a dickhead is because he is full of shit, acts aggressive because he thinks he’s top shit even though I think I can kill him, thinks he’s tough because he drives a nice car that his parents bought him, and for some strange reason keeps trying to befriend me even though I keep making snide racist comments towards him. Break rocked around and I found out that the love giant had been terminated, why would they do that? I spent the rest of my break trying to figure out what in the hell I’m doing with my life, I mean I’m 18, when you were a kid and said you wanted to be something when you grew up, this is the age where things are meant to start happening towards it, I don’t want to end up like my mommas stoner friends who never did nothing with there life and now are in there forties and addicted to drugs and are disappointed they never did nothing.
Got home from work in time to cook dinner before my next job started, while I was cooking I noticed two discarded bourbon cans in the recycle bin, and since my mothers car was gone I assumed that momma was out drunk driving doing the daily errands again. I finished up dinner and started getting ready for work when momma came home, she was crying and I spotted another bourbon in her hand, she started going on about how she didn’t want to go to hell, but the guy on the radio was saying that if you have a drug addiction your going to hell, and because she’s on the methadone program God wont let her into heaven, asking me if god would, I just hugged her, told her it was alright, I can’t answer her questions because I’m not god, told her I would bring her home some food from work, and left.
Now most people think that working as a kitchen hand sucks, to a degree it does, but see this job gives me stable hours, I get respect from just about everyone who works there, and not to mention the free food, so in a way its worth it. But there are two sides of the dishwasher I can choose between when it comes to this job, one side is easier, the other harder, we used to rotate between them, now I just take the hard side because it takes my mind off things.
When I got home I wanted to work on one of my songs, one in particular that I call ‘my sad song’ for lack of a better name, see that’s where a lot of people get me wrong, when people hear me singing they think its always an expression of happiness and joy, always with the comments like ‘good to see someone happy’ or ‘nice, you must be in a happy mood’ I sing through all the spectrums of the emotion, when I’m angry I generally sing angry songs, same for sad, or even happy, when I’m really down and out I sing love songs ( I think its because I want to antagonize myself, no idea why.) but my sad song is sort of a song that I’m working on that I sing when I’m feeling sad, but all I could manage to do was fill the first verse, nothing more came to me.
Looking back on this day I feel sad, not sad as in depressed sad, or angry sad, sort of like half smile sad…. Its hard to explain umm, you know that feeling when you witness a horrific motor cycle accident but you didn’t really know the guy in it, you just knew he was a wanker, plus he was doing something to bring it up on himself, and you don’t feel devastated by the fact, or depressed, or even like crying, it’s like you watch from behind a glass wall and just feel sad at the loss of life, and for the family’s loss, a fleeting feeling of remorse and nothing more….. well possibly none of you have really been through something like that, and I’m guessing different people react differently to different situations, so you might not feel or even react the same way. The reason I feel sad in this way is because I know I will never remember this day for anything other than the text that I write here in cyber space, even though it is as unique as the day before and the day after it shall just fade into my memories as an indistinguishable day from a hazy part of my life. I believe that in the same way someone who has been blind all there life my come to believe that because he has never seen written text it might not actually exist, I see this text on my screen, I know its there as a light projected to me by a piece of software on a computer monitor, but I’m not sure if the meaning behind the words actually exists, whats to stop it just being a series of light and dark spots on my computer monitor? Anyway.
That’s my day sucksa’s. what was yours like?
My alarm went off at 6:30AM this morning for work, and my stupid anemic body told me that 8 hours sleep was not enough so I slept the extra half hour meaning I could still make it to work on time I just had to skip showering. I got up and mumbled something like a good morning to my mother and put my shirt on inside out, I get half way to work before I figure out that it is inside out, get to work and have to over exaggerate how well I’m feeling to my manager who for some strange reason thinks a man can survive on 7 hours of work a week and that he should give 30 hours to the new kid who started just a week before. They stuck me in with dickhead Ben again, the reason I think he is a dickhead is because he is full of shit, acts aggressive because he thinks he’s top shit even though I think I can kill him, thinks he’s tough because he drives a nice car that his parents bought him, and for some strange reason keeps trying to befriend me even though I keep making snide racist comments towards him. Break rocked around and I found out that the love giant had been terminated, why would they do that? I spent the rest of my break trying to figure out what in the hell I’m doing with my life, I mean I’m 18, when you were a kid and said you wanted to be something when you grew up, this is the age where things are meant to start happening towards it, I don’t want to end up like my mommas stoner friends who never did nothing with there life and now are in there forties and addicted to drugs and are disappointed they never did nothing.
Got home from work in time to cook dinner before my next job started, while I was cooking I noticed two discarded bourbon cans in the recycle bin, and since my mothers car was gone I assumed that momma was out drunk driving doing the daily errands again. I finished up dinner and started getting ready for work when momma came home, she was crying and I spotted another bourbon in her hand, she started going on about how she didn’t want to go to hell, but the guy on the radio was saying that if you have a drug addiction your going to hell, and because she’s on the methadone program God wont let her into heaven, asking me if god would, I just hugged her, told her it was alright, I can’t answer her questions because I’m not god, told her I would bring her home some food from work, and left.
Now most people think that working as a kitchen hand sucks, to a degree it does, but see this job gives me stable hours, I get respect from just about everyone who works there, and not to mention the free food, so in a way its worth it. But there are two sides of the dishwasher I can choose between when it comes to this job, one side is easier, the other harder, we used to rotate between them, now I just take the hard side because it takes my mind off things.
When I got home I wanted to work on one of my songs, one in particular that I call ‘my sad song’ for lack of a better name, see that’s where a lot of people get me wrong, when people hear me singing they think its always an expression of happiness and joy, always with the comments like ‘good to see someone happy’ or ‘nice, you must be in a happy mood’ I sing through all the spectrums of the emotion, when I’m angry I generally sing angry songs, same for sad, or even happy, when I’m really down and out I sing love songs ( I think its because I want to antagonize myself, no idea why.) but my sad song is sort of a song that I’m working on that I sing when I’m feeling sad, but all I could manage to do was fill the first verse, nothing more came to me.
Looking back on this day I feel sad, not sad as in depressed sad, or angry sad, sort of like half smile sad…. Its hard to explain umm, you know that feeling when you witness a horrific motor cycle accident but you didn’t really know the guy in it, you just knew he was a wanker, plus he was doing something to bring it up on himself, and you don’t feel devastated by the fact, or depressed, or even like crying, it’s like you watch from behind a glass wall and just feel sad at the loss of life, and for the family’s loss, a fleeting feeling of remorse and nothing more….. well possibly none of you have really been through something like that, and I’m guessing different people react differently to different situations, so you might not feel or even react the same way. The reason I feel sad in this way is because I know I will never remember this day for anything other than the text that I write here in cyber space, even though it is as unique as the day before and the day after it shall just fade into my memories as an indistinguishable day from a hazy part of my life. I believe that in the same way someone who has been blind all there life my come to believe that because he has never seen written text it might not actually exist, I see this text on my screen, I know its there as a light projected to me by a piece of software on a computer monitor, but I’m not sure if the meaning behind the words actually exists, whats to stop it just being a series of light and dark spots on my computer monitor? Anyway.
That’s my day sucksa’s. what was yours like?