Respect: a response to Liz Milano
my very close friend liz from AU wrote an epic introspective essay in her lj about respect, attractiveness, and the future. what she wrote made me think about some stuff & i intend to respond to her ideas on respect.
some background American University has a roughly 60:40 ratio of girls to guys. also, there is a relatively large population of gay students (mostly male from my observations) on our campus. this means that there are a heck of alot more girls than guys at our school. ok. not a big deal. BUT, because AU has historically had this imbalance, it means that males get into our school with more ease than females. guys also get more money to come here. (affirmative action! where's equality when you need it, ay? but, its a private school, so i will end my musings there) Point proven: my ex & i both got into American...i did roughly 300 points better than he on my s.a.ts, my g.p.a was around a 3.7, his was MAYBE a 3.0, i was all over extracurriculars, and he didnt start getting involved till junior year...he got money to AU, and i got none. SO. what we have at AU is a huge group of girls that are intelligent, motivated, and interesting and a small group of guys that are less intelligent, motivated, and interesting. relevance? AU guys can get with girls that are out of their leauge very easily, and girls have to settle.
respect Liz has two approaches to respect. in the first, she says that boys should respect girls, and that it is wrong for males to treat women as objects, to use them. in the second, she says that guys at our school can't help but take advantage of what is around them. it isn't that they don't respect girls, its just that they are around, and its a part of their nature to screw around have fun with as many ladies as possible. I disagree with liz's first approach. to agree with that means that everyone is worthy of respect to start off with. i don't think that everyone deserves my respect. mostly cause i don't think man is innately good...but thats a different story. sometimes girls dont deserve respect. and i'm one of them. i let myself get shit on by guys...metaphorically. how? when i like a guy, i'll do anything for him. anything he wants, i do. i do this so they'll like me & want to be with me. i loose myself. and loose my self respect. so...maybe im talking to a guy, i'm into him hes not all that into me...he knows i like him & would do stuff for him...so he uses me. he has no attachment to me, therefore no respect for me, while i grow more and more attached to him. i do not deserve to be respected when i know im being used. i'm being pathetic. i let myself get disrespected. ***this example doesnt work when the girl honestly thinks that the guy digs her. then the guy is just an asshole.
ok. so what about these assholes? the ones that fool you into thinking they really like you too. i'm a victim of that as much as every other poor girl out there is. so lets say you're in an exclusive relationship & you get cheated on. (notice i didnt use the word 'committed,' the connotations are easy enough to understand) why doesnt this guy respect you? why did he lead you on? was it intentional? i wish i knew. but, like liz acknowledges, this isnt exclusive to guys. girls do it too. some people...the people that cheat, just don't deserve to have relationships. so, they're value is lower. and thats the one comfort good boyfriends and girlfriends have...that no matter what, they are good people deserving of respect...even if they don't get it.
i agree with liz's second point. we're only 18/19. there is no reason to get tied down. why not have fun. if situations were different & there were lots of quality guys all trying to get with me because of the uneven guy/girl ratio, then im sure i would be dating alot of guys too. i'm also sure i wouldnt treat them very well either. i would compare them...like guys compare different girls' blowjobs...i'd compare looks, money, car...etc...is talking about sex more offensive than talking about other things? it shouldn't be.
i'm going to end this by saying: people respect people that respect themselves. i haven't quite mastered that...not by a long shot. so, i don't get respected. but, as i grow, i learn. and change. and everything becomes positive when you look back at what has happened and how you've become better and stronger because of it. senior year, i lived to make another happy, and resulted in nothing...but, when i look back and see how dumb that was, it will help me to not make similar mistakes in the future.
some background American University has a roughly 60:40 ratio of girls to guys. also, there is a relatively large population of gay students (mostly male from my observations) on our campus. this means that there are a heck of alot more girls than guys at our school. ok. not a big deal. BUT, because AU has historically had this imbalance, it means that males get into our school with more ease than females. guys also get more money to come here. (affirmative action! where's equality when you need it, ay? but, its a private school, so i will end my musings there) Point proven: my ex & i both got into American...i did roughly 300 points better than he on my s.a.ts, my g.p.a was around a 3.7, his was MAYBE a 3.0, i was all over extracurriculars, and he didnt start getting involved till junior year...he got money to AU, and i got none. SO. what we have at AU is a huge group of girls that are intelligent, motivated, and interesting and a small group of guys that are less intelligent, motivated, and interesting. relevance? AU guys can get with girls that are out of their leauge very easily, and girls have to settle.
respect Liz has two approaches to respect. in the first, she says that boys should respect girls, and that it is wrong for males to treat women as objects, to use them. in the second, she says that guys at our school can't help but take advantage of what is around them. it isn't that they don't respect girls, its just that they are around, and its a part of their nature to screw around have fun with as many ladies as possible. I disagree with liz's first approach. to agree with that means that everyone is worthy of respect to start off with. i don't think that everyone deserves my respect. mostly cause i don't think man is innately good...but thats a different story. sometimes girls dont deserve respect. and i'm one of them. i let myself get shit on by guys...metaphorically. how? when i like a guy, i'll do anything for him. anything he wants, i do. i do this so they'll like me & want to be with me. i loose myself. and loose my self respect. so...maybe im talking to a guy, i'm into him hes not all that into me...he knows i like him & would do stuff for him...so he uses me. he has no attachment to me, therefore no respect for me, while i grow more and more attached to him. i do not deserve to be respected when i know im being used. i'm being pathetic. i let myself get disrespected. ***this example doesnt work when the girl honestly thinks that the guy digs her. then the guy is just an asshole.
ok. so what about these assholes? the ones that fool you into thinking they really like you too. i'm a victim of that as much as every other poor girl out there is. so lets say you're in an exclusive relationship & you get cheated on. (notice i didnt use the word 'committed,' the connotations are easy enough to understand) why doesnt this guy respect you? why did he lead you on? was it intentional? i wish i knew. but, like liz acknowledges, this isnt exclusive to guys. girls do it too. some people...the people that cheat, just don't deserve to have relationships. so, they're value is lower. and thats the one comfort good boyfriends and girlfriends have...that no matter what, they are good people deserving of respect...even if they don't get it.
i agree with liz's second point. we're only 18/19. there is no reason to get tied down. why not have fun. if situations were different & there were lots of quality guys all trying to get with me because of the uneven guy/girl ratio, then im sure i would be dating alot of guys too. i'm also sure i wouldnt treat them very well either. i would compare them...like guys compare different girls' blowjobs...i'd compare looks, money, car...etc...is talking about sex more offensive than talking about other things? it shouldn't be.
i'm going to end this by saying: people respect people that respect themselves. i haven't quite mastered that...not by a long shot. so, i don't get respected. but, as i grow, i learn. and change. and everything becomes positive when you look back at what has happened and how you've become better and stronger because of it. senior year, i lived to make another happy, and resulted in nothing...but, when i look back and see how dumb that was, it will help me to not make similar mistakes in the future.