So here's how the story ended
So here's a resume of what happened with my (do you remember, damn relationship with the married man 25 yrs older than me).
I found the courage to leave him, as i updated last time. He said i could tell him sooner because if i did he wouldnt spend so much time and emotions in our relationship. Then i asked him if he ever had the intention to leave his wife or whatever, and he TOTALLY APATIC answered that NO, he would have never left his family and he had absolutely no intention to do so because he LOVES his wife. Wow, i said, so you love her and make sex with me, you're really mean. He said: but i love you too. Double wow!!! So you love both. Wonderful uh?!?.... Then he told me i was a good good company for him but his family IS BEFORE HIM. I said that if his family was so important for him, he wouldnt HAVE DONE what he did and NOT just DON'T TELL WHAT HE EFFECTIVELY DID. That's hypocrit.
Well so i was angry and went away from him.
I was so angry girls i would have break my head trhough the wall. I've been taken by the angst and went to his wife. I thought: Well so he was HAPPY and worryless and life-easy with two women, and he wanted to keep both? Well, stupid man, i'll tell everything to her in your place.
I asked to talk to her. She treated me bad, she's been mean to me, like she was angry AT ME. But you know, what should i expect? she is 45 and i am 20 why should she listen to me? I cried in front of her that me and his husband had sex and stuff and i am (crossing fingers) possibly pregnant of him Evil . She sent me away, she said she would call the police if i didnt go away immediately. I did.
I am sorry for what i did, but i was so desperate after knowing i was such a shitty nothing for him, that i had to do anything but going home and binge and purging as usual.
Now i am sorry. By the way, my psycoterapist told me i don't have to feel TOO guilty because in effect he DID that shit and he is 45 and WILL KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT, it's ME who is fragile and sick and too sensitive and too weak to deal with pain. And the pain is big. Big because they'll stay togheter, because he will have his life and she will forgive him and life will go on for them and me, i'm just so humiliated.
I should have thought to it before. I should. I could.
I just hope this suffering will make me stronger and smarter....
I found the courage to leave him, as i updated last time. He said i could tell him sooner because if i did he wouldnt spend so much time and emotions in our relationship. Then i asked him if he ever had the intention to leave his wife or whatever, and he TOTALLY APATIC answered that NO, he would have never left his family and he had absolutely no intention to do so because he LOVES his wife. Wow, i said, so you love her and make sex with me, you're really mean. He said: but i love you too. Double wow!!! So you love both. Wonderful uh?!?.... Then he told me i was a good good company for him but his family IS BEFORE HIM. I said that if his family was so important for him, he wouldnt HAVE DONE what he did and NOT just DON'T TELL WHAT HE EFFECTIVELY DID. That's hypocrit.
Well so i was angry and went away from him.
I was so angry girls i would have break my head trhough the wall. I've been taken by the angst and went to his wife. I thought: Well so he was HAPPY and worryless and life-easy with two women, and he wanted to keep both? Well, stupid man, i'll tell everything to her in your place.
I asked to talk to her. She treated me bad, she's been mean to me, like she was angry AT ME. But you know, what should i expect? she is 45 and i am 20 why should she listen to me? I cried in front of her that me and his husband had sex and stuff and i am (crossing fingers) possibly pregnant of him Evil . She sent me away, she said she would call the police if i didnt go away immediately. I did.
I am sorry for what i did, but i was so desperate after knowing i was such a shitty nothing for him, that i had to do anything but going home and binge and purging as usual.
Now i am sorry. By the way, my psycoterapist told me i don't have to feel TOO guilty because in effect he DID that shit and he is 45 and WILL KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT, it's ME who is fragile and sick and too sensitive and too weak to deal with pain. And the pain is big. Big because they'll stay togheter, because he will have his life and she will forgive him and life will go on for them and me, i'm just so humiliated.
I should have thought to it before. I should. I could.
I just hope this suffering will make me stronger and smarter....