Death in the Family
I've been pretty absent from LJ for a while now, mostly because Facebook has taken over. I have a lot to do what with taking care of my baby and doing school and work from home. I also have been dealing with deaths in the family and I wanted to just update about that now. Here's what I wrote in Facebook today. I'm posting it here so I don't have to write it all again. I love having a journal here, and I think it's important to keep this journal going.
I had a feeling that my Dad's days were numbered when I was at my parents' house for the death/funeral of my grandpa. Grandpa died on March 15th and I was the one who went in and confirmed that he was dead. I had been taking my dad to breakfast on the days that I was there and we had a good time going to his favorite restaurant, Arne's in downtown Solvang. He was very grateful that I was willing and able to do this with him, and when I had to leave after Grandpa's funeral, he was sad. I asked if he would miss me and he said yes. I told him that I love him and he said the same back.
My dad is now in the hospital and the family is on 24 hour watch. His youngest daughter from his first marriage is in town until Sunday to help with the watch. She lives in West Virginia and has been taking care of her mother-in-law. When she got there this week she helped my mom, who has been having a hard time making decisions about anything, by telling Dad's caregivers that he needs to be as comfortable as possible. Apparently, my dad had been saying, "help!" and Anna said that he should not be saying that.
Yesterday, Joel, Willow, and I were at the hospital all day to help with the 24 hour watch over Dad. Joel spent a lot of time by Dad's bedside, along with my uncle Greg. Dad slept the entire day, and in the evening when the nurse's assistant went in to take Dad's blood pressure, Dad woke up and became agitated. He started saying "help!" again. My sister Erica and I tried asking him what he needed. Luckily our family friends Jan and Art were there and we got them to come in the room to help us. Jan used to be a nurse and she helped us give Dad water, since he called for water and I tried to give him a drink from the bottle. Jan used a sponge to help Dad. Jan also got the nurse to come in and give him Haldol for anxiety. Dad seemed freaked out by what was happening and even managed to say, "I feel awful." After the Haldol was given to him he calmed down and at that point it was time to go. We were out of diapers and it was way past Willow's bedtime.
We brought Willow in throughout the day to be with Dad. Dad loves Willow so much and he was unable to focus on even her.
The things that are making me most sad right now is that last night when we were there comforting him he said one person's name and that was Art's. Art was right there next to him and he said Art's name. I felt like he could only focus on one person at a time and he just seemed so scared. Poor Dad. He used to be so strong and capable. Now he's just a shadow of himself.
It felt good to be with him yesterday. Erica and I sang some songs to him, but in the end we just cried and held onto each other and Dad. I'm starting to cry now thinking about all that we've been through together as a family, me, Erica, Mom, and Dad. I named Willow after Mom and Dad because Mom and Dad amaze me as I think of all that they did for us kids--the decisions that they made and the sacrifices. Last night as I stroked Dad's head I remembered the times he cared for me when I was sick and I hoped he could feel the love I have for him. I know that I feel that he really loved me, especially remembering all the years he's been my dad.
Dad adopted us on November 30, 1976, after he married my mom in September of 1976. I'm so glad he's my dad. I have two dads and I love them both.
I'm sure I'll have more to write, but now I need to get on my homework. I'm sure Dad would agree.
I had a feeling that my Dad's days were numbered when I was at my parents' house for the death/funeral of my grandpa. Grandpa died on March 15th and I was the one who went in and confirmed that he was dead. I had been taking my dad to breakfast on the days that I was there and we had a good time going to his favorite restaurant, Arne's in downtown Solvang. He was very grateful that I was willing and able to do this with him, and when I had to leave after Grandpa's funeral, he was sad. I asked if he would miss me and he said yes. I told him that I love him and he said the same back.
My dad is now in the hospital and the family is on 24 hour watch. His youngest daughter from his first marriage is in town until Sunday to help with the watch. She lives in West Virginia and has been taking care of her mother-in-law. When she got there this week she helped my mom, who has been having a hard time making decisions about anything, by telling Dad's caregivers that he needs to be as comfortable as possible. Apparently, my dad had been saying, "help!" and Anna said that he should not be saying that.
Yesterday, Joel, Willow, and I were at the hospital all day to help with the 24 hour watch over Dad. Joel spent a lot of time by Dad's bedside, along with my uncle Greg. Dad slept the entire day, and in the evening when the nurse's assistant went in to take Dad's blood pressure, Dad woke up and became agitated. He started saying "help!" again. My sister Erica and I tried asking him what he needed. Luckily our family friends Jan and Art were there and we got them to come in the room to help us. Jan used to be a nurse and she helped us give Dad water, since he called for water and I tried to give him a drink from the bottle. Jan used a sponge to help Dad. Jan also got the nurse to come in and give him Haldol for anxiety. Dad seemed freaked out by what was happening and even managed to say, "I feel awful." After the Haldol was given to him he calmed down and at that point it was time to go. We were out of diapers and it was way past Willow's bedtime.
We brought Willow in throughout the day to be with Dad. Dad loves Willow so much and he was unable to focus on even her.
The things that are making me most sad right now is that last night when we were there comforting him he said one person's name and that was Art's. Art was right there next to him and he said Art's name. I felt like he could only focus on one person at a time and he just seemed so scared. Poor Dad. He used to be so strong and capable. Now he's just a shadow of himself.
It felt good to be with him yesterday. Erica and I sang some songs to him, but in the end we just cried and held onto each other and Dad. I'm starting to cry now thinking about all that we've been through together as a family, me, Erica, Mom, and Dad. I named Willow after Mom and Dad because Mom and Dad amaze me as I think of all that they did for us kids--the decisions that they made and the sacrifices. Last night as I stroked Dad's head I remembered the times he cared for me when I was sick and I hoped he could feel the love I have for him. I know that I feel that he really loved me, especially remembering all the years he's been my dad.
Dad adopted us on November 30, 1976, after he married my mom in September of 1976. I'm so glad he's my dad. I have two dads and I love them both.
I'm sure I'll have more to write, but now I need to get on my homework. I'm sure Dad would agree.