Oh boy...
So my dad finally saw my grades. Fuck, haha. I was prepared for this, so it's not too bad. And really... I got 3 A's, failed my gen ed, and I'm working on getting my Aesthetics stuff wiped off my transcript because I had credit for it from COD that my advisors just didn't catch. They wouldn't have caught it this time but I brought it to their attention. So I have that credit, which I need to graduate, but I'm trying to get the other grade wiped clean (I stopped going once I found out I already had credit). So, my dad is all pissed, saying I lied and that I have no respect for him or my mom. And I'm like... it's not too bad! I'll pay for my failures, hopefully it'll only be one, and I'm registered for everything I need to graduate! So long as I pass this semester, I'm done... and I will pass, because I have to, haha. Plus I won't have acting class to take up my life. I am in a show, which will take up time, but my part is small enough I won't have to be at every rehearsal, so that'll give me time. Everything will be fine, but my dad is super doomsday man and thinks that I'm pretty much worthless... which makes me feel awesome. I don't think my mom knows yet... I found my grades printed out on the table and she didn't say anything, so I flipped them over, haha. I'll deal with them both at once, that'll be better. There's a good chance I just go back to DeKalb tonight after talking to my dad, cuz there's no reason for me to be here and I just don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I can't wait to be done with school so that there is no more viewable gradation of my "success". I mean, fuck, at least I haven't failed out, or messed up so bad that I have to be in school longer. I am in as long as I would have been had I passed everything the first time. Really, everything since my first semester at NIU has counted with the exception of Aesthetics (which should have never been an issue) and this one gen ed class... everything else has been fine. So they can fuck off, seriously. They think I'm so horrible that they're gonna cut me off? They should thank me for not being more of a screw up. I mean, hell, I'm most likely going to graduate with a 3.0, maybe better, GPA... That's a B!!!! Above average!!! Dammit! But no, they won't be happy with me until I get my diploma... thanks for the confidence. One fuck up every now and then and the world is ending, give me a fucking break. I've been a veritable poster child of academic success and above average work... but since I'm not perfect and I fail one fucking class I'm a demon child that my parents are "beyond disappointed" in. No... fuck that... I'm not moving back home. I don't care how poor I am. I'll find a job this semester and work and work and work and not spend my money on anything except maybe once or twice a month. I'll get my work done, have some money to my name, and PEACE OUT!!!! I'll talk to Phil, maybe move in with him. I don't give a fuck if it will suck, it will be better than living at home with the constant "what are you doing with your life" talks. Fuck that... do they think that helps? Do they think that motivates me? No... it does this... makes me want to pack up and leave no matter how ready I am to do it. They are great, I would never have been able to get through college without their financial support... but jesus christ don't hang it over my head like I owe you something. Or that a failed class means that everything you've ever done for me has gone to waste and that I'm completely ungrateful. I can't wait for my life to start. No matter how poor or miserable I am, it'll be better than having to live up to their standards and their ideals every fucking day.