This weekend hasnt been the best...
I dont know what's wrong with me anymore. I always feel so isolated and alone. Even though I have my boyfriend and my family, I feel like no one gets me right now. And Im not sure how to deal with it.
Friday: I saw my boyfriend. I spent the day at his house, but I didnt feel like we were having the best time. I know it wasnt him, it was ALL me, but Im not sure why I wasnt happy. I didnt really see out of the ordinary. (Or so he didnt tell me I was) I felt kinda BLAH! all day.
Saturday: I wasnt able to see Chris. We talked on the phone alot, but it seemed we never had anything to say to each other. That upsets me. I like talking on the phone, but he was always talking to someone else and not really talking to me, and when he was, he didnt seem to interested in my conversation. I wasnt really up to talking on the phone this day anyway. I just wanted to wallow in my self pity that I am having for myself right now. I said I would see him on sunday and we hung up for the last time around 11 pm. I said I was tired, and indeed I thought I was, but I didnt fall asleep until around 4 am.
Sunday: It started off a crappy day. I wasnt in the best of moods when I came to Chris's early this morning. I didnt feel like talking about things, and he didnt seem to interested in seeing me in the first place. He didnt give me my usual hug and good morning pecker. :P I felt aggravated all day, alone, helpless, and I have no idea why. I thought that when you found your "certain someone" that all of your bad feelings of loneliness and isolation disappear.
All this week all those feelings seem to be taking over me. I dont know why. I seem to miss home more and more. I miss the people I care about the most before I moved. I miss the house I spent 3/4's of my life in. I miss it all. I dont like to think that I dont have it wonderfully here, because I do. I have family that cares about me, a WONDERFUL boyfriend who would do anything for me, and a place I could call home. (If I wanted too)
Everytime I come see Chris or talk to him, he always askes me what's wrong. I dont have an answer, I dont know what is wrong. This depression era is starting to hurt our relationship. I think he thinks Im hiding things from him. Im not. Im just dwelling on things that normally I didnt, and I dont know why. I love this kid, and I am so happy to have him in my life right now. He brings me joy and makes me feel safe. I only know one kid who used to do that for me. (That was a while ago) I dont know what to do about this. If things dont clear up Im scared that Im going to push away the one person who says loves me.
Kristin lynn...
Ps. I hope I feel better soon... :(
Friday: I saw my boyfriend. I spent the day at his house, but I didnt feel like we were having the best time. I know it wasnt him, it was ALL me, but Im not sure why I wasnt happy. I didnt really see out of the ordinary. (Or so he didnt tell me I was) I felt kinda BLAH! all day.
Saturday: I wasnt able to see Chris. We talked on the phone alot, but it seemed we never had anything to say to each other. That upsets me. I like talking on the phone, but he was always talking to someone else and not really talking to me, and when he was, he didnt seem to interested in my conversation. I wasnt really up to talking on the phone this day anyway. I just wanted to wallow in my self pity that I am having for myself right now. I said I would see him on sunday and we hung up for the last time around 11 pm. I said I was tired, and indeed I thought I was, but I didnt fall asleep until around 4 am.
Sunday: It started off a crappy day. I wasnt in the best of moods when I came to Chris's early this morning. I didnt feel like talking about things, and he didnt seem to interested in seeing me in the first place. He didnt give me my usual hug and good morning pecker. :P I felt aggravated all day, alone, helpless, and I have no idea why. I thought that when you found your "certain someone" that all of your bad feelings of loneliness and isolation disappear.
All this week all those feelings seem to be taking over me. I dont know why. I seem to miss home more and more. I miss the people I care about the most before I moved. I miss the house I spent 3/4's of my life in. I miss it all. I dont like to think that I dont have it wonderfully here, because I do. I have family that cares about me, a WONDERFUL boyfriend who would do anything for me, and a place I could call home. (If I wanted too)
Everytime I come see Chris or talk to him, he always askes me what's wrong. I dont have an answer, I dont know what is wrong. This depression era is starting to hurt our relationship. I think he thinks Im hiding things from him. Im not. Im just dwelling on things that normally I didnt, and I dont know why. I love this kid, and I am so happy to have him in my life right now. He brings me joy and makes me feel safe. I only know one kid who used to do that for me. (That was a while ago) I dont know what to do about this. If things dont clear up Im scared that Im going to push away the one person who says loves me.
Kristin lynn...
Ps. I hope I feel better soon... :(