035: 알까요 이런 내 마음을? (do you know this heart of mine?) [4/14]
All of these chapters from this update (and this whole fic, really) is dedicated to the amazing, wonderful, and all-around LOVELY blindteddy , whose birthday has just passed recently and whose work at 2min_aday is both inspiring to me personally AND is what makes me feel extra-proud to be a part-time mod there myself.
Jun, I hope you enjoy this belated bday present ( Read more... )
fourteen years old seems so young and i wonder if i ever felt the things taemin did when i was that age. i don't think so, and that's why it shows how mature taemin is for his age. your characterization of jonghyun, jinki and minho is perfect as always. sometimes, i worry that jonghyun really does have a complex about being alone but seeing him smile with the other members makes me feel unworried.
you made me smile to myself when i read the "taemin condition." it's just like minho to come up with a witty remark like that. taemin's jealousy too, is something that i can connect to. the first signs of love might just be the selfish feeling that bubbles up inside you where you don't want to share, however unreasonable that is, your special somebody with anyone else. considering the fact that i like super junior too, minho's "hyung-whore" title reminded me of all those screencaps of him hanging around donghae or kyuhyun. he really does love his hyungs, doesn't he :)
sometimes, it doesn't really matter how close or far apart you are from each other. you can be right next to each other, yet still feel a huge gap between you. you can also, like taemin and minho, be connected with simple texts still feel close despite the distance. and OH JOONGKI, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A MATCHMAKER ♥♥
did you happen to know that i love lunew? i was squealing when sunyoung revealed herself, and though it seems a one-sided thing for jinki, i couldn't help myself from grinning while reading this part. but you're a genius at manipulating my feelings, kei-unnie.. (ＴｗＴ。) i was almost bawling when taemin was thinking to himself, how jinki always tried to make other people happy, even if it meant he would have to sacrifice his own happiness.
taemin's last thought on love completed it all; it's pertinent, a little sad, but very true. that's what makes me love reading your fics. they may be fiction, but what you write about, what the characters go through, applies for anyone and everyone in the world who's been in love before. i can't wait until the next chapter (^-^)
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It is indeed a very young age to have experienced one's first love. But in that situation, it would make sense that it would take a truly mature 14-year-old to let the feelings come as they may and take whatever the other person has to offer him in the way of friendship. I believe Taemin has a very strong handle on things happening around him in general irl too, so this transfers over a LOT in my characterization. c:
Also, I'm extremely, extremely pleased you caught on with my implications on Jonghyun's characterization there! ...Although considering how astute you are, bby, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. (`w`)/ Jonghyun does indeed have a big complex about being alone, but then again...for the moment, he isn't. Things will develop quite differently in this sequel fic with OnJongKey than you might expect - while I don't want to spoil you more than that hehehe as I do like to keep my readers in suspense, even my most favorite readers >w< ♥ - so look out for more development and exposition on Jonghyun's personality and Key's feelings on the whole matter as well!
The Taemin Condition exists!! ㅋㅋㅋ It's just more visible in the form of whenever he acts a little extra silly/quirky around people *^^* or when he's getting sick every time he goes overseas (lol). Ahhhhhhh and the way you describe the matter of subconscious jealousy is so poetic~ And it's precisely the way I wanted it to be viewed (ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ I get a little bothered by some fanfic writers' portrayal of jealous guys (because irl, most of the time, you don't even notice guys being jealous l m a o because they hide it pretty well and it usually comes off as more of a subtle, childlike possessiveness thing, anyway ;; like in Taemin's case), and I think that's why I wanted to write this chapter as well. Plus hahahaha around the time that was written, I was really taken by Minho's hyung-whoring ways ^^;;;;;; and I thought what better way to work out my thoughts about when/why he does it than through Taemin's eyes? :)
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It's funny you should mention that, bby ^^ as it reminded me as one of the things that I love about the 2Min ship is how absolutely inseparable these two are as a whole through evidence in fancams/fanaccounts. Even when one wanders away from the other, it seems like nothing really holds them apart forever; like magnets drawn by an irrevocably powerful force, they always come back together towards the end of it all (a particular SMTown Tokyo fancam comes to mind quite readily *w* highlighting how, after Taemin and Minho were done wandering around the Tokyo Dome stage to mingle with others - with the older being a bit more overt about it than the younger one - the two of them came right back center stage to mess around and carry Taemin on piggyback and run about together to wave to each side of the stage extension area ♥). I love that most about them, because it really shows that they WANT to be close to one another, not just because they have to by obligation :) SOBS AND I ABSOLUTELY ///ADORE/// JOONGKI AND MINHO'S HYUNG/DONGSAENG RELATIONSHIP AND WANTED TO HIGHLIGHT IN A FIC SINCE *FOREVER*, SO THIS SEEMED LIKE THE PERFECT WAY TO INTEGRATE IT HEHEHEHEHE I LOVE THEM BOTH AND I LOVE HOW FUN WRITING MATCHMAKER!JOONGKI WAS ( ^ _ ^)∠☆
omg youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (;w;)/ I-I honestly had no idea you loved Lunew too, bby, but I LOVE LUNEW IN HUGE AMOUNTS s-so, for me, this was the best way I could combine future f(x)SHINee interaction with my favorite crossover ship in KPop thus far (*･∀･)／ For me, there's something about Sunyoung that brings a smile to my face (she's adorable, she sings well...and she's about as sunshine-y and merry as a Christmas tree in personified form lmao I guess you could even say she's my ideal type of girl orzzzz;;;;) But ohhhh bby.... I'm sorry for that...!(。ＴＴ^ＴＴ。) I-I meant to pull at the heartstrings of my readers in writing this fourth chapter - especially those who WERE deeply invested in the JongKey ship developed in this story so far - but I wanted readers to realize that there is always that other side to love: someone who might be in love with the same person, someone who might be longing for love but cares too much for others to act on those feelings, and someone like Jinki, who 0 unlike Jonghyun, who has a complex about being alone - has something of a martyrdom complex that's hard for him to shake in the face of his "leader" role in the group. (And if you've ever heard me describe my characterization of Yunho as a person - which I do believe I've mentioned to you before? Then again, I tell so many people this lol because it's such a strong belief that I might be mistaken here...sorry if I'm assuming things that aren't the case ;;;;; - I constantly stress that he too is a martyr type who would do the same thing in love and life like Jinki would. Which is why the YunJae ship haunts me so much sob because I can so easily see him doing for Jaejoong what Jinki would do for Kibum if it would make the other happy......let him go quietly even if it breaks his heart ;_______;)
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Indeed, Taemin's words speak volumes for my own philosophy on love......is that a bad thing, I wonder? Or is it a sign that I see a lot in Taemin that I feel is reflected in my younger self and within me even now? ;^; I-In any event, I too feel strongly about those words I wrote into the dialogue of this chapter - because they are pertinent and they are bittersweet...but they are also very TRUE for many people who love and lose and can't let the other person go. I...don't like to spoil readers, (cries s-says the writer who keeps spoiling her dongsaeng with hints as to where this story is going orzz;;), but I will say this about Jinki's one-sided love for Kibum, Kibum's relationship with Jonghyun, and the way Sunyoung fits into it all: all parties are invested in someone in this love square, but all of them will get what they truly deserve in the end. --As for what that means, I'm going to keep that much a S E C R E T （＾＿-）☆ at least until the next few chapters that will be updated soon, anyway~~~~
I look forward to seeing you here for the next update as well, dongsaeng, and thank you so much for the long and lovely comment!! You have my utmost gratitude and respect, as always m(_ _)m ♥♥♥♥♥
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i’ll make sure i look at jonghyun and key veery carefully in the following chapters, considering those two made my favorite shinee pairing until i stumbled along your fics.. now i'm not sure whether i like 2min or jongkey more. let's just say i love shinee altogether (ﾟωﾟ)
AAAAHH. THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE POETIC BUT IDK, IT KIND OF JUST CAME OUT NATURALLY. sometimes i really want to step into a guy's shoes once and see what it feels like from their perspective. i wonder if it feels any different..
in any group, there’s always those two people that you can't really make out a borderline between pure fanservice or just close brotherhood. especially those caught on fancams, minho and taemin for example - you can just tell that they really care about each other. now that you mentioned that, I REALLY WANT TO GO TO THEIR CONCERT. BAWLS. (still regretting that I didn’t go to a dbsk concert when they were still five ;д;)
onew and luna together are just like a bundle of happiness and warmth (they would make a great appa and umma keke). both of their smiles are just so contagious! and best of all, they’re not afraid to be dorks. i think you’re very much like luna though! you always bring smiles to people’s faces and aren’t afraid to say your feelings. (your voice is really pretty too by the way..)
that other side of love is really painful sometimes (TдT) it’s always that difficult balance between the chance that the person you love might think the same of you as well, or is already someone else's. but i still want to believe falling in love is a wonderful thing, even though the risks sometimes get unbearable. THIS MARTYRDOM COMPLEX. i don't think you've mentioned it to me before but it's exactly the word i've been trying to find to describe all these hard-working leaders. they all just sacrifice so much for the rest of the members that i want to tell them it's okay to be selfish sometimes. every time i stumble upon a yunjae pic or gif on my dashboard, i start getting all teary-eyed (・・、) WHICH SUDDENLY REMINDS ME OF JAEJOONG’S MESSAGE DURING THE MAMA AWARDS. GOES CRYING IN CORNER.
i think i've heard somewhere before that writing is a sort of purging, and what we can’t express through spoken words, we write down on paper (or in this case, the convenient internet lol) so it could be both. the ups and downs of love never end until the day we die (sometimes even beyond that because hopefully, we’ll still be loved and cherished after our deaths) BUUUUUT i'm sorry for bringing up such a dark topic so to change the topic: THE SPOILERS. i love spoilers so don’t mind it at all! it just makes me put good use to my imagination and you always give me pleasant (or sometimes bitterly heart wrenching, depending) surprises anyways.
with lots and lots of love in return, your dongsaeng ♥♥♥
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Kekekekeke darling, your bias is showing (*^O^*) --Just kidding!! Hahahaha I can definitely relate to what you're saying, though; I think for fans like us, there's just too much about all of them to love for us to resist their individual charms, right? :) And in the case of pairings, even more so hehehehe
W-WELL YOU STILL MANAGED TO IMPRESS ME WITH YOUR UNINTENDED POETIC SELF, OKAY ;;;;;;;;; huhuhuuu I think about this sometimes, too!! (;O;)/ Though I imagine if we could do that but we still retained our own feelings/hearts, then we wouldn't quite be the stereotypical "male" then, would we...?
I cry. Y-You're so right, though - that moment seemed so cute, honestly...though I say that about every 2Min moment, really... (Ｔ▽Ｔ;;)ノ ALSO, WHAT YOU SAID HERE IS SO /TRUE/: 'in any group, there’s always those two people that you can't really make out a borderline between pure fanservice or just close brotherhood.' <-- but unfortunately, my immediate thought went to YunJae when I read these words and now that I think about how often I think about how YunJae and 2Min remind me of each other and -- OKAY, I'D BETTER NOT GET ON THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT LEST I START TO THINK ABOUT HOW 2MIN WOULD HANDLE ACTUAL SEPARATION LIKE THAT SOBS. AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW I WISH I COULD TOO. BUT EVEN MORESO WITH DBSK AS 5, RIGHT??? THE FEELING OF REGRET IS, LIKE........TENFOLD THEN ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ /rolls away/
Lunew is the forever sunshine-y Milk Couple! ;w; (ohgod, the image. I giggled so hard ヾ(〃^∇^)ﾉ umma and appa!!) orzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and your compliments just...keep me blushing and rolling all over the place, bby; y-you're really too much OTLLL ////////;;; (omo-- and you've listened to my voicepost/singing voice before, then? ;wwwwww; t-thank you, bby!!!! Now you make me wonder what kind of singing voice you're hiding, complimenting me in turn like that kekekekeke *・∀・/)
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Love is....................such a funny thing. And imagining it in the context of, say, the whole world of idols and how leadership plays into it for those idols, I can't help but think of the martyrdom complex for some reason. Ohhhhhhhhhh and so I haven't mentioned this to you before?? Then maybe it was good I did now =w= since I was able to give you the word you were looking for now~ (／ー￣)／ huuhuuhu if I'm not getting teary-eyed thinking of YunJae, I'm going over the myriad of possibilities that go with their situation and how their relationship was/is/could have been. OH GOODNESS GRACIOUS, BBY, THAT MESSAGE. I CRY. I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT WITHOUT TEARING UP HONESTLY LKSDJLKFAJLD.O;/FNAJ/L; /runs to the corner with you and cries with you/
Ahhhhhhhhhhh but there's no need to apologize or change the topic, dearest darlingest Yumi （･￣∀￣･） I think that not only what you say is true but the implications behind it also apply to anyone on this earth, not just writers. We all feel the need to get our feelings out as human beings, I believe, and the process of getting those thoughts/feelings/emotions out any way we can...it often leaves a mark on other people that we might not even be aware of. Maybe that alone could plant the seed of love in someone's heart, and that person will never forget them - even after death. Kekekekeke and I thought you might be interested in *~THE SPOILERS~* and so I gave you a small preview of where the story will be going in that =w =)/ Imagine away & please anticipate the inevitable ending of the LunOnJongKey love square (of sorts?) by the story's end~
Yayyyyyyyyyyyy love is wonderful~~! Love from my dongsaeng even so hehehehehe unnie loves you lots & lots right back, Yumi!
♥♥♥ ♪♪(*´∀｀*人*´∀｀*)♪♪ ♥♥♥
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it's always the same for every group i've fallen for.. it starts with one particular individual but then you eventually grow to love each person's charm, and the end result is that you end up incapable of recognizing your bias (at least, that's the case for me ;;;)
ahhhhh true.... i guess these things will always remain a mystery. but then again, i still haven't been through much romance experience to tell（￣△￣；）
OH YUNJAE - YOU'VE MADE ME GO DOWN THIS ROAD WITH YOU NOWWWWWW /tries to stop train of thought (；△；) they were my first kpop ship so you could probably imagine how heartbroken i felt when dbsk split. the harsh reality tells me that these groups i love and support probably won't be "forever" but....... to me, "forever" doesn't mean that they have to be together always. "forever" for me, means the everlasting memories, the hardships, the accomplishments, and the bonds these groups have given me. i guess that's how i sort of mended my broken heart once the shock of the separation lessened.....
if i'm too much, you can always tell me to stop.... BUT I DON'T THINK I'LL LISTEN BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH ♥ (i still remember your voice because at that time, i was struggling with exams and school work so your voice post was a really priceless surprise; it made me all calm and happy inside that i managed to make it through that week in one piece. ohhhhh i'm a very quiet person in real life so i don't think any of my rl friends could imagine me talking this much on livejournal/twitter/whatnot... and i'm always mistaken for a guy when i pick up the phone/video chat... i guess my voice must be very low OTLLLLL)
/passes you tissues and a cup of hot chocolate (:_;)
i'll be waiting with speculations in my mind (so much that they might come out in my dreams.. not that i'm complaining or anything ‐＾▽＾‐) so please take your time unnie in delivering the next chapter - which i know will be just as good, or even better, than this one.
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