stop apologizing
[i don't want a man. i want a boy.]
[i am so sick of no one else understanding. i am so tired of wondering if there are people who understand. real people. i'm done lying to myself. it's true that i want more than a friend. is that so wrong? i hate that i look at him and wonder what he's thinking but he never looks at me to wonder what i'm thinking. i think that i may be coming to realize that i don't want to know what he's thinking. because he never wonders. he knows. he is critical and sure and ... still an artist somehow. and that frustrates me more than anything else. why do i still feel alone? why do i feel like i am the only one up here that wonders? probably because when he catches me watching him (trying to read his mind because he rarely tells me) he demands that i stop smirking at him. i can't decided whether to groan or sigh. game's over. no more hide and seek. please come find me.]
[i am so sick of no one else understanding. i am so tired of wondering if there are people who understand. real people. i'm done lying to myself. it's true that i want more than a friend. is that so wrong? i hate that i look at him and wonder what he's thinking but he never looks at me to wonder what i'm thinking. i think that i may be coming to realize that i don't want to know what he's thinking. because he never wonders. he knows. he is critical and sure and ... still an artist somehow. and that frustrates me more than anything else. why do i still feel alone? why do i feel like i am the only one up here that wonders? probably because when he catches me watching him (trying to read his mind because he rarely tells me) he demands that i stop smirking at him. i can't decided whether to groan or sigh. game's over. no more hide and seek. please come find me.]