(no subject)
I saw Spring Awakening for the second time. This time, I think I almost liked it better. I felt more for it. The new cast - well, it was different... I definitely missed John Gallagher Jr., but the other Moritz was great. I preferred Alexandra Socha to Lea Michelle - she was a lot more genuine.
Something kills me seeing these people onstage though when I know that's where I want to be. Even if it means I suffer panic attacks and shit my pants beforehand and work my ass off, I feel completely moved by everything about the show and it's next to impossible to sit as a spectator and NOT dance, sing, find harmonies.
I wanted to cry at the end, and when Moritz died, and several times because absolutely everything about it was so heartfelt and that aspect of the acting was palpable. When they're having sex, I just think back to Mark and I just cried silently, that wanting and unity and having him inside me and the word of his body and this is so nauseatingly cheesy but nonetheless I'm in tears writing this because it's been so long to get anything down and being at the MoMA just inspired stream-of-consciousness and I really need to do this more because there's been so much I've been bottling up, I've been pushing him away and I know I need to but I just don't want this all to end just yet... we're changing but I just don't know if I'll feel that bliss or happiness with anyone else. I want to call him and tell him I love him and at the same time I don't want to hear from him because I hate him. I just feel way too much for one person to take right now.
Something kills me seeing these people onstage though when I know that's where I want to be. Even if it means I suffer panic attacks and shit my pants beforehand and work my ass off, I feel completely moved by everything about the show and it's next to impossible to sit as a spectator and NOT dance, sing, find harmonies.
I wanted to cry at the end, and when Moritz died, and several times because absolutely everything about it was so heartfelt and that aspect of the acting was palpable. When they're having sex, I just think back to Mark and I just cried silently, that wanting and unity and having him inside me and the word of his body and this is so nauseatingly cheesy but nonetheless I'm in tears writing this because it's been so long to get anything down and being at the MoMA just inspired stream-of-consciousness and I really need to do this more because there's been so much I've been bottling up, I've been pushing him away and I know I need to but I just don't want this all to end just yet... we're changing but I just don't know if I'll feel that bliss or happiness with anyone else. I want to call him and tell him I love him and at the same time I don't want to hear from him because I hate him. I just feel way too much for one person to take right now.