[Kangmin] Drabble; Acting
Title: Acting
Pairing: Kangmin
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, romance, mentions of sex
Summary: Intimate Note made Sungmin dissect his relationship with Kangin. Maybe they weren't as close as he thought.
A/N: Drabble, done during an incoherent state of mind. I needed to write something, anything, so this was bad. I don't care, I just needed to write. Comments are <3'd.
Because it was all real, or so I hoped. I never once doubted that, or at least I don't remember if I ever did. All the times we’ve spent together, on stage and off, whether it was for a filming or a performance on stage, meant everything to me. Fan service was nothing more than an act of intimation. Sometimes it was a representative form used on stage to illustrate who we really are, others it was a platonic showcasing of love to stimulate the crowd.
I don’t think I ever doubted my feelings for him. Everything with him felt so right, like it was meant to be, as if fate had delivered a helping hand in knitting the two of us together. I never realized that he meant so much to me. Seeing how he treats me makes me realize that I mean a lot to him, too, I think. And when he asked me to go on Intimate Note with him, the feelings of uneasiness and hesitancy, along with reality, finally crept up with me. Maybe things weren’t as perfect as I had envisioned them.
I asked him while we were browsing through the script, working on our coherence and timing, occasionally brainstorming certain key phrases to use and reactions that would make it seem more real.
“Sungmin-ah, you know we’re both talented and we can act well.” His confident voice sounded, though ironic, reassuring inside the small room. He probably noticed my reluctance and lack of enthusiasm. I looked up at him and he pulled me into a tight hug. “We just need to act this out, and it’s not that hard.” He gave me a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. He always did that before we were given the cue to go on stage. It was identical every time, almost like he was repeatedly copying and pasting the same action.
I remember pulling out my DS and began a new meal in Cooking Mama while the producers gave us thumbs up for creating an awkward atmosphere inside the car.
But was it really acting? I didn’t know. It was either that he was a really good actor. The way he flawlessly delivered witty responses on the spot, the way he would shun away whenever I wanted to go hug him, the cold responses he gave me.
Or maybe we really were distant, and all my feelings for him were unreciprocated. Maybe it was all fan service and I had weaved together non existent strands of friendship into a blanket of love. A blanket that was always beside me, a blanket that wrapped a protective layer around my fragile body, a blanket that always kept me warm at night…
That night after the filming, we did it again in his apartment. He remarked that there was something different and he suddenly stopped his thrusts. He stared at me for a long time as I felt myself shrivel away from his intense glare. Suddenly his face seemed so unfamiliar, and his touches made me question who he really was. I rolled over and faced the closet before he rolled me back to face him.
He said I love you and kissed me before he pulled the blanket over our naked torsos, sealing a layer of much needed warmth over our skin. I tried to weasel away from him, but I only found myself snuggling towards his warm, inviting embrace.
He was still hard, his length pulsating and twitching every other breath, but one way or another he knew I was hurting and decided to stop. I still feel his soft breathing, the exhaling puffs of hair tingling against my hair as his arm cradled my neck. I fluttered my eyes shut and wondered if he was still pulling on an act right now.
Suddenly he pulled me forward and seized my lips once again. I closed my eyes. If this was an act, it didn’t matter because I fell for him both in and out of his role.