(no subject)
January has been a month filled with drama I refuse to involve myself with, intense studying for exams, and long breaks that have saved my life.
My mother and me had a conversation the other day on how I am an immature 17. Its not like I don’t know how to act my age. But I don’t know how to take care of myself. I do admit that I can be a loser at times. I mean just yesterday I was waiting for my pizza in hungry howies and Laurie started singing so I danced. Immature? Maybe, fun… yes! But she told me how my friends around me are able to hold down good jobs, boyfriends, school, out of school activities and still understand what their priorities are and how to manage them. My family thinks I don’t. Truth is I really don’t. My dad thinks it’s a sign of not being ready to go off to college. But most people go off to college and use it as a learning experience. My dads afraid that college will hit me like a crash test car into a brick wall. I sometimes feel like this yet other times I don’t. I do feel I’m ready to take on the responsibility. Its not that I don’t know how to take care of myself its just my parents are always there, why wouldn’t I rely on them. If there going to be there for me all the time I mine as well take advantage of it. I realize they won’t be there. I’ll be able to handle it I know I will. But right now I’m going to use it while I have it.
My friend told me today that she’s going out of state for college. That hit me like a brick wall. That’s what I wasn’t prepared for. She looked at me as if she wanted a happy reaction. Like I would hug her and tell her that it’s the right decision. I wish I could do that but the selfishness of keeping her here with me is taking over every thought of being happy for her. I thought about going out of state. It was something that I thought long and hard about. My aunt wanted me to go out of state, my cousin sent me every possible college app. from North Carolina to be with her. I got accepted to two. But I put them aside because I felt out of state just wasn’t right for me. I got letters from colleges in Indiana, Ohio, and West Virginia for track. It wasn’t what I wanted to do. Lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam on “the road of life” while my friend’s wave to me as they pass by on the train. Yet slower and slower things begin to pick up and the car that I am placed in slowly moves toward my destination. I may not get there as fast as my friends on the train but at least I’m getting there I say. Who knows maybe my friends have a problem on the tracks of the train and I pull ahead to the finish but as of right now I’m stuck in slow motion reaching out for the one hand to pull me on the train and travel on “ the road of life” with my friends at my side. I trust god in his decision on where he puts me in life. I have yet to be faced with a challenge I couldn’t take head on, and when it comes I feel I will be ready.
I finally finished all my exams! This is a good thing, all that stressing for nothing. I must admit I am extremely happy with all my grades especially that A in AP Psychology! Yes I will be treating my self with a carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream later haha!
My mother and me had a conversation the other day on how I am an immature 17. Its not like I don’t know how to act my age. But I don’t know how to take care of myself. I do admit that I can be a loser at times. I mean just yesterday I was waiting for my pizza in hungry howies and Laurie started singing so I danced. Immature? Maybe, fun… yes! But she told me how my friends around me are able to hold down good jobs, boyfriends, school, out of school activities and still understand what their priorities are and how to manage them. My family thinks I don’t. Truth is I really don’t. My dad thinks it’s a sign of not being ready to go off to college. But most people go off to college and use it as a learning experience. My dads afraid that college will hit me like a crash test car into a brick wall. I sometimes feel like this yet other times I don’t. I do feel I’m ready to take on the responsibility. Its not that I don’t know how to take care of myself its just my parents are always there, why wouldn’t I rely on them. If there going to be there for me all the time I mine as well take advantage of it. I realize they won’t be there. I’ll be able to handle it I know I will. But right now I’m going to use it while I have it.
My friend told me today that she’s going out of state for college. That hit me like a brick wall. That’s what I wasn’t prepared for. She looked at me as if she wanted a happy reaction. Like I would hug her and tell her that it’s the right decision. I wish I could do that but the selfishness of keeping her here with me is taking over every thought of being happy for her. I thought about going out of state. It was something that I thought long and hard about. My aunt wanted me to go out of state, my cousin sent me every possible college app. from North Carolina to be with her. I got accepted to two. But I put them aside because I felt out of state just wasn’t right for me. I got letters from colleges in Indiana, Ohio, and West Virginia for track. It wasn’t what I wanted to do. Lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam on “the road of life” while my friend’s wave to me as they pass by on the train. Yet slower and slower things begin to pick up and the car that I am placed in slowly moves toward my destination. I may not get there as fast as my friends on the train but at least I’m getting there I say. Who knows maybe my friends have a problem on the tracks of the train and I pull ahead to the finish but as of right now I’m stuck in slow motion reaching out for the one hand to pull me on the train and travel on “ the road of life” with my friends at my side. I trust god in his decision on where he puts me in life. I have yet to be faced with a challenge I couldn’t take head on, and when it comes I feel I will be ready.
I finally finished all my exams! This is a good thing, all that stressing for nothing. I must admit I am extremely happy with all my grades especially that A in AP Psychology! Yes I will be treating my self with a carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream later haha!