wow

[dancinstar5]

Well i went out for new years and i had fun. i tried to call someone but they didn't answer so i guess they either didn't want to talk or weren't home. I called again yesterday and i guess he was busy. Everyone is telling me so much crap and it pisses me off. i'm a bad person and i get it but why tell all of my friends how bad i treat you. why tell every person i talk to because that only shows that you want it to get back to me and you want me to hurt. i know i have hurt you and you should know that i have been hurt. i couldn't even tell you happy new years because you were to busy being mad about me leaving for the weekend. and don't even say that you weren't mad because don't worry the people you have told, told me all about it. It seems everything is against us. and i don't know what to do anymore. If i'm such a bad person and you complain about how badly i treat you then why do you still want to be with me. I'm such a selfish bi*** i never think of how i'm affecting you. i treat you like crap when you treat me perfect. and yet you still want to be with me. You said it yourself you will never be able to look at me the same. Then why look at me? i'm just going to end up hurting you more don't you understand. Maybe it was how my mother raised me, i don't really know. I don't want you to hurt and i don't want anyone to feel the feelings that have been going through my head. Because wishing this on anyone would be even more selfish and bit**y then i already am. I wish that you didn't feel the pain that you do and i wish the same for me but its not going to happen. Because the more i hear my friends tell me how pissed you are and how horrible i am, the more i'm not going to want to talk because while you are going to talk to me all i'm going to hear are my friends voice repeating what you told them all. How i'm a bad person and how i treat you like crap. You shouldn't being going through all of this you should be living your life. We are young, think about school think about getting to work on time going to the movies with friends. Things like whats going on next weekend.

I really don't know what else to say i'm really tired and need some rest.