Oh life. trying to figure it out...ALWAYS. is it really necessary for everything to be this constant struggle? Is it simply, by default, human existance? To be in a constant state of Trying
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This is all very interesting stuff, Sandra. I can totally see you pondering the day away - I definitely relate. Out of curiosity, are you reading any specific books on the subject? It's weird but the way you describe what you're thinking about, it sounds really really similar to group or school of thought that my dad subscribes to. Diamond heart, or something - I've tried to read it myself, but it's just too much for me. I'm self-conscious enough as it is you know! I don't want to be constantly be like evaluating everything that is making the present the present. Cuz it's funny, for some people and in some spiritual disciplines the present is this culmination of the chain of events that make up your life, and you're supposed to be aware of that chain to put the present into perspective, as you're living it. BUT FUCK THAT! The Glorious Present to me is all about NOT thinking about that stuff and just L-I-V-I-N-G, you know? It seems strange to me, from my personal experiences, that someone would think "you know, I really don't question and analyze what's going on in my head enough as I go through my day, I really need to beef that up." Good lord, the total opposite. But of course, we ain't all me. And sometimes subjects like these are described in such universal, sweeping terms that they all kind of bleed together, you know? Like, "to be 'being' is to be 'present'" and it's like, what the fuck? Like trying... But I hope you don't think I'm dissing on the spritual soul-seraching process in general, we just all got different ways of going about it and what's appealing. I really enjoyed reading this, as I said, I relate. Especially about your waking up in the morning and just being like "this is it?" despite nothing in particular really being wrong or anything. And how intensely you feel your emotions and how much that defines your day. It's crazy. Cuz somedays you're like "man, I had a fucking crazy day" but like all you did was go to work and go home and whatever, and if you explained your day someone would be all "well that sounds pretty normal" but it's like "no! you don't understand at all!" but that's just the way we humans experience ourselves. Ah well. Food for thought! Nice for a break at work! Later!
I'm glad you can relate! The book "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle is the one that has really struck a chord with me. It's really cool. He is basically all about trying to diminish the "ego" (a word that he really has a more in-depth meaning for than the one we are used to hearing) and being in the present moment. But more like the kind of "being" that you were talking about...not thinking about the past, just living each moment as it comes. In fact, not thinking at all would be the best. I guess it's a bit zen-ish. There is a LOT more to it. I'm trying to condense. I have never heard of Diamond heart...and that other thing about the culmination of past events that have happened to you and keeping them in mind...that seems totally backwards. Tolle is all about NOT thinking...especially not thinking about the past or the future. We are all so obsessed with Past and Future that we hardly ever enjoy what's right in front of us. Forget the past! I especially appreciate your last paragraph! That happens to me soo often...that things i feel are so impossible to explain, I find myself saying to people "i wish you could be me for a minute, so you could understand"
Out of curiosity, are you reading any specific books on the subject? It's weird but the way you describe what you're thinking about, it sounds really really similar to group or school of thought that my dad subscribes to. Diamond heart, or something - I've tried to read it myself, but it's just too much for me. I'm self-conscious enough as it is you know! I don't want to be constantly be like evaluating everything that is making the present the present. Cuz it's funny, for some people and in some spiritual disciplines the present is this culmination of the chain of events that make up your life, and you're supposed to be aware of that chain to put the present into perspective, as you're living it. BUT FUCK THAT! The Glorious Present to me is all about NOT thinking about that stuff and just L-I-V-I-N-G, you know? It seems strange to me, from my personal experiences, that someone would think "you know, I really don't question and analyze what's going on in my head enough as I go through my day, I really need to beef that up." Good lord, the total opposite. But of course, we ain't all me.
And sometimes subjects like these are described in such universal, sweeping terms that they all kind of bleed together, you know? Like, "to be 'being' is to be 'present'" and it's like, what the fuck? Like trying...
But I hope you don't think I'm dissing on the spritual soul-seraching process in general, we just all got different ways of going about it and what's appealing.
I really enjoyed reading this, as I said, I relate. Especially about your waking up in the morning and just being like "this is it?" despite nothing in particular really being wrong or anything. And how intensely you feel your emotions and how much that defines your day. It's crazy. Cuz somedays you're like "man, I had a fucking crazy day" but like all you did was go to work and go home and whatever, and if you explained your day someone would be all "well that sounds pretty normal" but it's like "no! you don't understand at all!" but that's just the way we humans experience ourselves. Ah well.
Food for thought! Nice for a break at work! Later!
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I especially appreciate your last paragraph! That happens to me soo often...that things i feel are so impossible to explain, I find myself saying to people "i wish you could be me for a minute, so you could understand"
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