(no subject)
I know I didn't fail, but it sure feels like it. Part of me knows that it's okay that it didn't completely work out. The other part aches because I wish it could be different. Some things are missing. I try to defend him and say that they aren't a big deal, but I also think being upset about lacking those things IS a big deal. Single me would send relationship me some "wtf" looks. Silver lining?: I still felt like the same person. I was completely myself. I was an emotional mess, but I think that's more me than I had been in awhile.
I feel like I'm supposed to have it together all of the time--that's not anybody, in my opinion. Sometimes you need a good cry. My mom always told me "you're allowed to have your feelings". Good, bad, and ugly I think I've always had my feelings. By "had" I mean that I own those feelings and accept the consequences with as much courage as I can muster. Life is a mess, but what other way do people live it?
Blegh