Way to Go, Lulu. Way to Go.
(WARNING: X RATED CONTENT, MAY BE UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER 18.)
Annnnnnd I dunno how I feel (I <3 this job and how it gives me time for creative expression.
Last night was awesome. Really awesome. (Until Jamie’s…) He called me seceral times during the day, which was great, especially after what happened the previous night on the phone (crazy, crazy parents… L ). He came to see me at school after work and brought me dinner and said “Is my baby hungry?” Cuteness. Then he put our “love blanket” (AKA my Flagler blanket) over us both and held me. It was cute. Then we went to the rotunda and ate and we were cute there too, which made me happy. We were really tired and wanted to spend the night together. We were planning on pulling another SB, but Jamie called us back so we ended up going to her condo. YAY! W/ A BED! (Well, mattress, neway…)
We had been dead tired, but as soon as we got there, for some reason we were both hyper as hell. So we acted like fools 1st, which was a lot of fun. Then we sat down on the loveseat and he looked thru Jamie’s movies for us to watch. He wouldn’t tell me what it was until it was in the computer. I thought it was going to be porn, lol. And it turned out to be… PANTOM!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! He hadn’t seen it yet (and still hasn’t seen it in its entirety…) and really wanted to, so we watched it.
Greg and I went into our bedroom for the night to watch it. Well we started fooling around after a beer (which was the equivalent of like 2 ½ shared b/t the two of us) and he asked what it would take for us to have sex. I said I’d been wanting to since Clint’s that one night, so I was pretty excited. Then as if it were a HORRID chore he had to perform, he asked “do I hafta go down on you?” Oh, for goodness sakes honey! =O If it’s gonna downpour on ur celebration, by all means, I don’t want u 2 exert urself! (Someone PLEASE get a bucket, the sarcasm is spouting out like a waterfall! Hurry hurry hurry!) Yeah, WTF happened to “Holy shit, I love eating u out so much, u have the sweetest I’ve ever tasted, blah blah blah”?! A LIE?! Hm. I dunno, after that I sorta got out of the mood.
He went down on me, which was nice (I guess). Aftwds I was in refrain and… I dunno. There were just so many interruptions: Locking the doors, Jamie coming in, finding a towel, putting it down… and at one pont, he actually stopped to watch the movie. At the time I wasn’t insulted at all, I mean it’s a kick-ass movie, but in retrospect now I AM! So w/e.
NEway, as he as watching he was like “is this ruining the mood?” No honey, of course not! In fact it’s making me even hotter. (SOMEONE HURRY WITH THAT BUCKET! THE SARCASM IS POURING OUT AT SUCH AN EXTRAORDIANRY RATE IT IS GOING TO DROWN US ALLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
After that pt, not only was I not in the mood for it, but I got in a really weird state-of-mind (to not use the word “mood) twice in one sentence in different contexts); because HE was acting weird. Weird in a way I can’t even DESCRIBE! It was weird (yeah, I meant to do that). A diff person. A diff day. A diff scenario. Either way, I was further fro the mood than I’d ever been.
(WARNING: PSYCH STUDENT ALERT!!)
**Maybe b/c I wasn’t drunk?
**Maybe b/c of all the interruptions?
**Maybe b/c it wasn’t like at Clint’s house when we were all over e/o to begin w/?
**Maybe b/c I wanna be completely, totally, utterly, passionately in love w/ “the one I give it up to? (which to me seems highly unlikely, but that subconscscious has its ways of sneaking up on u. Only one way to find out, tho… ACID! WHAAAAAAAAAT?! Nah.)
**Maybe b/c it’s not how I imagined my 1st time? Not like the locale, or the extent or nature of foreplay… more the me and my mood and my feeling.
I mean it was like the urge and desire to (AT THAT PARTICULAR PT IN TIME) had been completely eradicated. I just wanted… I DUNNO what I wanted!
**To start the night over?
**To go back to the way it had been? (I mean for God’s sake, in the rotunda I had thought of how wonderful things were just then, in that moment!!)
**To go HOME?!
I don’t even FUCKING KNOW!
I had serious considerations about whether or not I still felt the same way 2wds him, last night… and ditto about him 2wds me. I remember at Clint’s that one night how much I just wanted to have sex w/ him, to BE w/ him. And for a while now, too. But last night….
It also just seemed like he was diff; SO diff. Cold. Uncaring Like all he wanted was to sink it. Huh. Who knows? Maybe that’s not how it was, but it certainly was how it FELT.
We tried. Our “1st attempt.” My Lordy, I wanted to scream bloody murder! Apparently he wasn’t even in halfway! I think I woulda killed myself had he gone in, it hurt so fucking bad! How the HELL did Ann and Becca do this now??? I don’t fucking get it. This is something ppl do ALL THE TIME! Why am I so inept? SHEESH! There is def something really fucking wrong w/ me.
NEway, after that he acted even weirder. Dude, I KNOW what its like to be frustrated, K?! I’ve BEEN frustrated for the past TWO WEEKS! Ya WANNA fool around, but only for a lil bit, and then u don’t even help ME out!
See, ladies and gents, I realized something about myself these past months; a little “rule,” is u will; If ya wanna fool around for a long-ass time, I don’t NEED to be pampered, I don’t NEED to get off (though donations are MORE THAN WELCOME!!!!!!!) But if its gonna be short and sweet, I sure as HELL better get AT LEAST ONE of the two? CAPICE?!! EGADS! EVEN EUGENE GAVE ME THAT MUCH!
(Wow, Luana… ur a bitch. That was a low blow.)
NEwayz, aftwds, said I was sorry like 3 times; because I WAS! What did I want in return? “It’s ok baby, we’ll work on it, its not ur fault.” I hafta realize that’s 2 much 2 ask. And for once, I’m not being sarcastic. What did I get? “Its fine. I told you.”