(no subject)
People will tell you something about growing up so often that you don't think of it as anything beyond a tired old cliche, and one day you realize it's true, with all the sudden certainty of being smacked in the face with a dead fish. It will also stink and piss you off as badly.
I feel old, because I'm 18 (for a month now) but I feel [and I am, I suppose] really young too. Like, I'll be talking to my coworkers or even to people living down the hall, and somehow age will come up and I'll realize once again that I'm the youngest there. But you never feel like it, it's always just how much everyone is so...people. That came out awkwardly. Let me try again; I've been a few places, not enough to be anything close to worldly, but it's still amazing how everyone is so much human and the same. It confuses the eco-terrorist in me that wants half the world population annihilated for the good of the planet.
I always feel confused when I think beyond the little universe I immediately live in. They say you think about it more and more when you grow up, if you grow up. Something like that. Being conscientious of others, I think that was the point. I also find it odd that college is supposed to be the place where you're educated about the rest of the world, and to think and act on a larger scale, because it seems like the easiest place to isolate a body. You're on a little campus with a couple thousand other people (or 50,000 in my case) and you live and eat and go to sleep there and never have to worry about what happens off campus, except in a distant, oh-that's-not-school-related kind of way. Too easy to get caught up in the smallness of daily life. I can't express it any better than that.
Anyway. I just thought I should update this and tell certain people who don't have xanga that I'm alive, since I don't use Facebook too much either.
And just to flog a dead horse, I sent myself to Vegas in a bizarre freak accident on the first day of my Spring Break. It's a long story, but I shall condense it for you: Monica woke up too early, got on the wrong bus back home and struggled intensely with self-denial as the Vegas strip went by past her window, and then struggled some more to get home without crying, getting lost, mugged or shot. Because apparently downtown Vegas is almost as bad as downtown L.A. And I didn't know that when I started out that morning. See, you learn something new every day!
Just one new thing every day, if you're lucky. I should learn to use common sense more. What a surprise it will be if I survive past my 21st birthday.