Janked Up

[dancingsparkler]

I heard something about him today. I don't think about him...but hearing something about him was upsetting. If we were still talking, he would have told me. I would have discussed it with him. I would have been one of the people giving input.

Does she debate issues like that with him?

I don't get it. It's not like I want him back. I know that's a bad idea.

I'm losing my appetite. I think it's all of the trouble I've been having with my running.

I'm going out this weekend. I haven't gone out in a month. I'm getting wasted. I hate that I have that as a goal...but I do; I wouldn't ever tell anyone. I really did try...no alcohol meant no bad decisions...but I need to make bad decisions. It's been a rough week...all I want right now are bad decisions. I've gone a month with out them, I get at least one weekend...right? Maybe? Maybe I'll just go out Friday? No. I want both nights. I want two nights of ridiculousness. I miss nights of ridiculousness; they always made me feel better.

It's so true...I really do mess around with guys to make myself feel better. If I don't want myself...at least someone else does for a moment.

My phone is jank. Goal is to have it fixed by Thursday.

I want my life back, and I want to stop screaming silently.