(no subject)
Okay...so whenever I have free time on my hands...I start typing everything out. I can't help it. I like writing it out...it makes me feel better about not talking about it...which I never do. I hate telling people things...even best friends who know me better than I know myself. I'm pathetic...and apparently full of oodles of time this weekend.
Went to the game tonight. It was fabulous. Panthers won. I had to work a CATS event before it...for f-ing serious.
I saw him there. He and his fiance. I tried so hard to appear to be happy and thrilled and paying intense attention to some kid Sam kept pointing out. I couldn't. I think my heart literally froze in my chest. It's weird. I really don't like him anymore...but I can't bring myself to dislike him either. I was the one who ended it. I did this.
Adam won't stop texting me. He and his girlfriend broke up over winter break. I deleted his number last semester...so at first when he started at it I didn't know who it was...I still haven't put his number back into my phone...I should have...I now have his memorized. I don't know what to do. Last year, he really was a good friend. Second semester, when I needed to get out of the house, that's right where I crashed. It's not like that anymore. He doesn't live behind me on Olive...he and I have stopped being friends...and I've decided that I want something with more substance than just a person to mess around with. I don't think that person with substance is him. He wanted more a year ago...I didn't. That's why he found a girlfriend who demanded that he and I stop hanging out. I don't know what to do about him.
Why are boys so stressful and ridiculous?
On a side note...this whole not making out with boys thing? I am not doing okay with it...it's driving me insane. Not kissing boys usually just makes me want to go make out with someone...it's never lead down this route...but I really, really just want to have sex. I need to have sex. I'm so serious. It's disturbing. Really...but for f-ing serious. I'm practically antsy I want to so badly.
I've never had sex with Adam...but I'm about to break down. FFfff.
I hate this.
I feel fine tonight...not really sick at all...and my room mates are gone. What if I just told him to come over?
I won't do it. I wish I could. I don't think I'll ever be able to even kiss Adam again. I don't think I could do it and not hate myself.
I really do wish I could like Adam. Liking Adam would:
1. probably make me happy and inevitably end in a relationship
2. relieve this lack of sex problem
F life. Whatever. A solo night watching Sex and the City (still season three) is probably good for me in the long run.
I miss boys. Why do there no longer seem to be any good ones?
Went to the game tonight. It was fabulous. Panthers won. I had to work a CATS event before it...for f-ing serious.
I saw him there. He and his fiance. I tried so hard to appear to be happy and thrilled and paying intense attention to some kid Sam kept pointing out. I couldn't. I think my heart literally froze in my chest. It's weird. I really don't like him anymore...but I can't bring myself to dislike him either. I was the one who ended it. I did this.
Adam won't stop texting me. He and his girlfriend broke up over winter break. I deleted his number last semester...so at first when he started at it I didn't know who it was...I still haven't put his number back into my phone...I should have...I now have his memorized. I don't know what to do. Last year, he really was a good friend. Second semester, when I needed to get out of the house, that's right where I crashed. It's not like that anymore. He doesn't live behind me on Olive...he and I have stopped being friends...and I've decided that I want something with more substance than just a person to mess around with. I don't think that person with substance is him. He wanted more a year ago...I didn't. That's why he found a girlfriend who demanded that he and I stop hanging out. I don't know what to do about him.
Why are boys so stressful and ridiculous?
On a side note...this whole not making out with boys thing? I am not doing okay with it...it's driving me insane. Not kissing boys usually just makes me want to go make out with someone...it's never lead down this route...but I really, really just want to have sex. I need to have sex. I'm so serious. It's disturbing. Really...but for f-ing serious. I'm practically antsy I want to so badly.
I've never had sex with Adam...but I'm about to break down. FFfff.
I hate this.
I feel fine tonight...not really sick at all...and my room mates are gone. What if I just told him to come over?
I won't do it. I wish I could. I don't think I'll ever be able to even kiss Adam again. I don't think I could do it and not hate myself.
I really do wish I could like Adam. Liking Adam would:
1. probably make me happy and inevitably end in a relationship
2. relieve this lack of sex problem
F life. Whatever. A solo night watching Sex and the City (still season three) is probably good for me in the long run.
I miss boys. Why do there no longer seem to be any good ones?