(no subject)
so i haven't updated since the beginning of the year and frankly it's because i find myslef with not much to say. but i guess today im just feeling rather open.
school: i'm going crazy we only have like 4 more days left and i feel like i have gotten nothing done. i have so much work it's like the teachers are just trying to stick it to us one last time. i can't take i swear if my math project doesn't turn out ok, i will snap and just die, kill myslef after murdering my partners. I'm not exempt at the moment from tragedy. which is my own fault, for just being plain lazy. i've let myself go with school and it's really not ok. i guess i just find myslef thinking other things are more important which in the end i know is just going to kick me in the ass.
friends: i can't believe i have made through all this time with you guys at my side. It's been nothing short of amazing. you guys are my everything and i can't imagine myself being what seems like so far away from you all. i mean we have had our ups and our downs but in the end we are who we are and you guys accept me for that. lately i feel like i have been neglecting you guys like some other things in my life, and i just want to apologize. you guys deserve more of me than i have been giving as of recent and i am going to try my very hardest to work on that. i want to say we won't change and that everything will be fine when we go off to college, but i know that is a lie. i will say though that even though i know we will all change and i know it won't all be for the good, but i will always be there for you. you guys are my best friends and no matter what happens i am going to do my hardest to keep it that way. i love you girls.
life: so much has happened, so much is going on i don't know where to start. i feel like things are really getting on track and everything in my life is going realatively as i could have seen it. i mean its not great but i am going to take it as it is and try to make it better. my parents finally got divorced, and when i say finally i guess i don't mean its been a long time coming i just mean it happened. and now we are selling my house. the house that has been my home my oasis since i was 10 years old. now my mom will eventually being moving into a condo that i know i won't spend enough time at to make it my home, and my dad is living in an apartment that is just one bedroom, so i won't really be staying there. my brother is going to be living premenatly in toronto canada so it sort of feels like im being abandoned in a way but i'm coping the best way i know how.
romance: i found a boy that i have never thought i would find. we belong together, and i know that sounds so cliche but if you have ever found a person that you feel so comforatble with and you know that never judges you and loves you just for what you are and nothing less. i'm completely contented. which also leaves me with my complete fear for moving off to college. i mean who knows what will happen but i've been in the middle of some stuff that has happened between my friends and they broke up because of the distance and it's been a big deal and i just know that i seriously could not handle that happening the way it's happening to them. it's like i just want to move into a tiny house with a little doggie where i can go to college and come home to this amazing boy everyday, which i know is -slightly unrealistic at this point in my life but i can dream can't i. i just love him, and it scares me. the end with the sappy.
college: makes me want to shit my pants i am so scared. i don't know what to expect, and i am terrified. all new friends all new life, new everything that i can't predict or foretell and i don't like it. all i can say is Alma college here i come and i know that i will always have a place to come home to if i hate it to the point of tears.
so holy maddness this is mega long and for that i apologize but i just felt like i needed to write or die. so i chose write.
school: i'm going crazy we only have like 4 more days left and i feel like i have gotten nothing done. i have so much work it's like the teachers are just trying to stick it to us one last time. i can't take i swear if my math project doesn't turn out ok, i will snap and just die, kill myslef after murdering my partners. I'm not exempt at the moment from tragedy. which is my own fault, for just being plain lazy. i've let myself go with school and it's really not ok. i guess i just find myslef thinking other things are more important which in the end i know is just going to kick me in the ass.
friends: i can't believe i have made through all this time with you guys at my side. It's been nothing short of amazing. you guys are my everything and i can't imagine myself being what seems like so far away from you all. i mean we have had our ups and our downs but in the end we are who we are and you guys accept me for that. lately i feel like i have been neglecting you guys like some other things in my life, and i just want to apologize. you guys deserve more of me than i have been giving as of recent and i am going to try my very hardest to work on that. i want to say we won't change and that everything will be fine when we go off to college, but i know that is a lie. i will say though that even though i know we will all change and i know it won't all be for the good, but i will always be there for you. you guys are my best friends and no matter what happens i am going to do my hardest to keep it that way. i love you girls.
life: so much has happened, so much is going on i don't know where to start. i feel like things are really getting on track and everything in my life is going realatively as i could have seen it. i mean its not great but i am going to take it as it is and try to make it better. my parents finally got divorced, and when i say finally i guess i don't mean its been a long time coming i just mean it happened. and now we are selling my house. the house that has been my home my oasis since i was 10 years old. now my mom will eventually being moving into a condo that i know i won't spend enough time at to make it my home, and my dad is living in an apartment that is just one bedroom, so i won't really be staying there. my brother is going to be living premenatly in toronto canada so it sort of feels like im being abandoned in a way but i'm coping the best way i know how.
romance: i found a boy that i have never thought i would find. we belong together, and i know that sounds so cliche but if you have ever found a person that you feel so comforatble with and you know that never judges you and loves you just for what you are and nothing less. i'm completely contented. which also leaves me with my complete fear for moving off to college. i mean who knows what will happen but i've been in the middle of some stuff that has happened between my friends and they broke up because of the distance and it's been a big deal and i just know that i seriously could not handle that happening the way it's happening to them. it's like i just want to move into a tiny house with a little doggie where i can go to college and come home to this amazing boy everyday, which i know is -slightly unrealistic at this point in my life but i can dream can't i. i just love him, and it scares me. the end with the sappy.
college: makes me want to shit my pants i am so scared. i don't know what to expect, and i am terrified. all new friends all new life, new everything that i can't predict or foretell and i don't like it. all i can say is Alma college here i come and i know that i will always have a place to come home to if i hate it to the point of tears.
so holy maddness this is mega long and for that i apologize but i just felt like i needed to write or die. so i chose write.