Here we go again...
Ok, so I know I haven't updated in a long time but don't get your hopes up, I'm not about to start now.
Just a thought:
I've realized something so funny, that I hadn't noticed until someone pointed it out. I rarely allow my true emotions to be seen. I'm not the kind of person to cry in front of people or be all down and depressed when friends are around. Very few people get to see me like that, VERY few. Manny says that he's amazed at how I always seem so ok when really that's not how I feel. When he told me that and I actually thought about I thought, "Crap, it IS amazing how I always seem so ok!" I had never noticed how I always manage to pull a veil over my face like that.
When I really analyze it I know why I do it. I hate showing weakness. I mean I HATE showing weakness. Sadness shows weakness, crying shows weakness. Therefore, I choose not to allow most people to see me in my "weakest" state, not so they think I'm some 'round the clock happy girl just so that they don't pity me. That's the other key word, "pity". When people see weakness they subconciously pity it. Don't pity me, all I ask is for consideration. But I think I'm a strong girl. And it's not me, but He who is in me. I AM weak but thank God that He's so strong and lifts me up. I swear, I don't know what I would've done without Him.
I just had to get that little thought off my chest.
So seriously now, I'm going through a fresh new load of crap. This one worse than the time before (funny, how I thought that couldn't be possible). So I think I'm going to dissapear for a little while but this time I'm letting ya'll know. Again, it's really difficult for me to write when I have a one track mind. But I KNOW that this is going to be quick. I have SO MUCH faith in Him, and I know He's NEVER left me hanging, and He won't now. Each day continues to be a struggle but it's ok because I know I'm not alone. Check back in a couple of days, I'll come around soon. =)
*::*KaY*::*
Just a thought:
I've realized something so funny, that I hadn't noticed until someone pointed it out. I rarely allow my true emotions to be seen. I'm not the kind of person to cry in front of people or be all down and depressed when friends are around. Very few people get to see me like that, VERY few. Manny says that he's amazed at how I always seem so ok when really that's not how I feel. When he told me that and I actually thought about I thought, "Crap, it IS amazing how I always seem so ok!" I had never noticed how I always manage to pull a veil over my face like that.
When I really analyze it I know why I do it. I hate showing weakness. I mean I HATE showing weakness. Sadness shows weakness, crying shows weakness. Therefore, I choose not to allow most people to see me in my "weakest" state, not so they think I'm some 'round the clock happy girl just so that they don't pity me. That's the other key word, "pity". When people see weakness they subconciously pity it. Don't pity me, all I ask is for consideration. But I think I'm a strong girl. And it's not me, but He who is in me. I AM weak but thank God that He's so strong and lifts me up. I swear, I don't know what I would've done without Him.
I just had to get that little thought off my chest.
So seriously now, I'm going through a fresh new load of crap. This one worse than the time before (funny, how I thought that couldn't be possible). So I think I'm going to dissapear for a little while but this time I'm letting ya'll know. Again, it's really difficult for me to write when I have a one track mind. But I KNOW that this is going to be quick. I have SO MUCH faith in Him, and I know He's NEVER left me hanging, and He won't now. Each day continues to be a struggle but it's ok because I know I'm not alone. Check back in a couple of days, I'll come around soon. =)
*::*KaY*::*