Just what I needed.
DISCLAIMER: This is me, all me. My love, my emotions, my true self. I know that there are those who scoff at my words. Let me make it clear: I don't give a fuck what you think. If you don't like it, get the fuck off my livejournal.
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I figure it's time I made it known to the whole world [although if you don't already know it at this point, you obviously don't know me very well.]
To put it plainly: I love Chris Osier.
To put it complexly [side note: yes, 'complexly' is a word. yes, I looked it up.] To put it complexly:... well, that could take a while.
You see, I had know idea that the summer of my freshman year was going to be astounding and astronomical. Actually, I had no idea that the summer was even significant at all until reflections were made upon it some months later. It wasn't the summer I got a job [that was sophomore summer,] and it wasn't the summer I "grew up" [Junior summer claimed that,] but it was, however, the summer that I met the most miraculous and incredible person of my life, or, at the risk of sounding cliche, the love of my life.
Our meeting was small, it a driveway in the middle of the hazy-hot summer; me, trying to look as svelte as I potentially could at the ripe old age of 15, and him, not even trying but constantly inducing that heart-pounding asphyxiation that, instead of killing, enlightened. I was all calm, cool, and collected [read: more nervous then a sheep at slaughter], and he was all sly smiles and guitar-plucking cool [read: exactly what it says.] Of course, my own natural ability to become riculously shy around the opposite sex had kicked in, and instinct was taking me for a ride. Never the less, he seemed to find my stupid jokes about "chicken hockey" funny, and proclaimed that I was "super hot"... hours after I had left the house where he was [Dontcha just LOVE 9th grade lingo?]
Reguardless, he and I soon embarked on a journey together that was different then any other I could possibley comprehend. Even though the start of our romance was somewhat lacking [he asked me out in a basement. Aww, love.] it soon exploded into a cataclysm of love, pure love, an unknown emotion anymore.
I had had relationships before. I had believed I had loved before. I was wrong. Very wrong, as I learned everyday through my love with Chris. Of course, we were constantly plaugued with doubts-- other people's doubts, not ours. We were always confident we could make it through anything [we were right.] How many times have I been told love does not exist? I just have to smile in response. There is no way for me to convince these people that love does exist despite their misgivings: their own misery and contempt could never be overcome by my words, no matter how hard I tried. It saddened me to hear people say things like "love isn't real," not becuase I knew they were wrong, but becuase I was baffled as to why they were telling me this. What could a person possibly gain by telling an extremely happy couple that the emotion shared between them "isn't real"? More misery, I supose, and maybe a bitter happiness that their own despair can be infectious to others. Thanks. We really love that.
On top of the continual arguement of "love doesn't exist," we also heard that long distance relationships never work out, we were too young, we wouldn't last longer then a year, I would cheat on him/he would cheat on me, etc. continual hate, jealousy, blahblahblah, problems with bothersome relatives, problems with bothersome exgirlfriends who won't go away, etc. etc.-- you grow immune to it after a while. And despite everyone's misgivings, we stayed together, and we thrived. Despite being two hours apart, 15 years old, busy as hell, and only seeing each other every two weeks, Chris and I were in heaven, we were in love. We still are.
How can I begin to express I how much I love him? It's impossible. I can only give an example. Chris and I "went on a break" at the start of the summer. The reasons behind this are irrelevant; let it be known that it was NOT so we could date other people, a common misconception. The pain and despair that I felt through out the two month period when I was not with Chris was comparatively the worst I have ever felt in my life. I was empty, void of emotion, a shell, a zombie. I made mistakes in my misery, as did he. I hurt others due to my hurt, I hurt myself. I did not want to live.
I know how dramatic it sounds. But with great love comes great pain, and I have never experienced anything like this before. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. I cried, and cried, and cried. I cried an ocean of tears before I finally got a phone call that would restore my crazy, discombobulated world back into order: Chris was as miserable as I was.
Needless to say, we got back together. It's amazing how we are now strong then ever, as if this break simply reinforced in our minds and hearts that we need each other to survive, that our love is real. It is so real. More real then the computer I type this on, then the air I breathe. Everyday I'm amazed to have someone as incredible and phenomenal as he is in my life. Everyday I'm amazed at what we have come through and what we have triumphed over, despite the hate and misery of everyone else. Everyday I am thankful for him, for what we have.
Chris Osier is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him more then I could every express. I cannot imagine life with out him, although I imagine how my life is going to be with him everyday. Like I said, I had no clue that that summer of Freshman year would change my life, but it did. It did more then I would ever believe. I met the love of my life. He is the one, he is my soulmate, he is my dream, my boyfriend, my fiance, my husband, my best friend, my world, my heart, my soul, my everything. My love. My Chris. We will always be together.
I love you, Christopher Alan Osier. I love you.
Always and forever.
I promise =)
I'm yours.
Love, love, love,
Your Ayla