(no subject)
this has been a hard couple days for me. it seems like i can't go without tearing up or crying and i hate crying because it makes me feel vulnerable. long story short- it looks like my prodigal sister might return, well not literally bc her husband doesn't want to leave utah but she is starting to talk to us again. i've pretended to hate her for years but that is just because hate has always been easier than being hurt. very few people know the whole story and even fewer know how i really feel about it. i've always been one to bottle up all of my emotions and i thought it was fine but michael and i talked for a couple hours last night about everything and how unhealthy bottling everything up is. so we talked. i think he's finally beginning to see who i really am- not many people will ever get to because it seems like no one actually cares enough to ask what is wrong. i want to be someone who can open up more easily and let people into my life. only a handful of my friends come close to knowing me.
i cried all the way to michaels house though bc i finally realized how much my sister hurt me. i've avoided even thinking about it in the past but i guess i should finally get it out. i've been holding all of this inside for the last 5 years. i just don't feel like she is even my sister anymore. she hasn't been there for me and doesn't even know anything about me. i'm supposed to go out to utah for spring break and i'm thinking about showing up on her doorstep and surprising her. i doubt she would even recognize me.
so before the whole talking part of last night, michael and i went bowling with his best friend and his girlfriend and a bunch of their friends. it was sooo much fun. i like jacob and rachel a lot.
well i better go get dressed for work.
i cried all the way to michaels house though bc i finally realized how much my sister hurt me. i've avoided even thinking about it in the past but i guess i should finally get it out. i've been holding all of this inside for the last 5 years. i just don't feel like she is even my sister anymore. she hasn't been there for me and doesn't even know anything about me. i'm supposed to go out to utah for spring break and i'm thinking about showing up on her doorstep and surprising her. i doubt she would even recognize me.
so before the whole talking part of last night, michael and i went bowling with his best friend and his girlfriend and a bunch of their friends. it was sooo much fun. i like jacob and rachel a lot.
well i better go get dressed for work.