Read if you will,I just need someone to talk to,so trusty LJ will listen

[dancingkween]

BLEEEEHHHHHHHPONPOJOHPONHHHHHHHHHHH!!That's how I feel!! Audtions for Rancho Show,12 DAYS!!YAY/AHHH SCARY!!!Lexie is home and miserable,but ok,still havent seen her yet. Finals this week,I am sooooo incredibly stressed out bcuz of them,I will do horribly on freakin biology,the class sucks!! I am freezing right now!! My dad was lecturing me and just ranting about all the things I do wrong and was completley hurting my feelings,and when I finally speak up for once,I start crying and yelling,because I'm so bottled up and hurt,and he says to stop because I'm being dramatic.See what I get for standing up for myself?Then he talks over me and makes his point and makes me give him a hug,so he thinks he wins just like always.I cried and cried and cried.Damn the world for making my tears hurt so bad.Then all these boys.I hate boys.HATE THEM!! I'm so confused,and it's messing up everything.I have to try and watch for myself and then again be careful of everyone else's feelings.I'm trying to make the best choice,but I mean I have no idea if its the right one,I'm trying!!! I could end up totally wrong! Just no matter what I do I will be hurting someone,no matter what I'm wrong!I'm scared to take any risk or do anything with any boy,in fear it'll be the wrong one.And if I do nothing,I will continue to be alone as always.Then my best friends are just,sigh,I dunno.Drifting?I don't know much of who they are,and I love them so much and I doubt how much they care,or how much they care about me. One sided friendships.Then I'm messing around on the web,and I find something I so did not need 2 see 2day.And it just made my heart hurt.I know it'll never be again.I don't want to miss him I don't want to love him anymore.I DON'T I DON'T I DON'T!!--Then why can't I let go?I just saw the thing and I saw them together,and that used to be me,and I know that face and I miss that smile.And it will never be again.I'm so jealous.Of him.Of her.Of my best friends,who seem to be everything I'm not.Jealous of my old life.Yes I may know more than I did then,but I'd lose a little wisdom to have some love,some happiness,some contentment back in my life.I want to close myself off from the people in my life.I won't gain anything,but at least I won't lose anything.I'm sick of vulnerability,sick of wrong,sick of alone,sick of not being able to forget him like he forgets me.I'm sorry for this,I'll be ok,just needed to vent.

Why don't you love me anymore?

Love~~Kayla Bell!xoxo