(no subject)
I love him, but he drives me crazy. Some days I wonder why I'm with him. I know that's not healthy, but I can't help it. I tolerate so much from him and I'm beginning to wonder if the return is worth it or not. And yet, I can't help but know that he's good for me. Anyone worth my time has driven me crazy at some point in time. I am at my limit with him right now. I don't mean so sound ungrateful, because I am, but we don't have sex as much as I want to. Why is that? I can't help but think it's me and that I don't please him enough, or that I'm not attractive enough, or that maybe I'm just simply not as cute at the girl he saw at the bar the other night. I don't know what to do with myself. It's turned me into an insecure little girl and I'm anything but. I don't like feeling this way and I don't know quite what to do about it. I have brought it to his attention and he explains to me why I shouldn't feel the way that I do, but the problem is that I still feel this way. I don't want to. I want to believe him, but for whatever reason, I don't. And my dilemma is that every other man that I've been with that does what I want him too, is a complete and total push over, which is the last thing that I want. See, it's one big fucking mess. I want to be happy, but I want to be happy with the man that I have. Problem solved, right?? I wish, he's an asshole and as much as I get off on him being an ass, he's an ass that makes me cry from time to time. Maybe it's that my skin isn't thick enough. Maybe I am the problem. Go figure, I am usually the problem. Welcome to my fuckin world assholes!