I got the job...
I got the job at the nightclub.
Started that evening.
I have to wear a t-shirt, and I am so awful at being behind the bar. But.. maybe it will help me learn some self-confidence ? Who knows.
I worked the last three nights in a row... and have around 20 hours a week. The hours are awful, I have to clean toilets- puke and everything. Although I am pretty used to the puke. hmm. awkward.
I've been taking the Ephedra. It makes my heart skip and race. I like the feeling. Its out of my control. I like that i;m finally breaking. And eating around 400 calories a day. Its making me so ill, physically. Messing up my stomach and I feel so out of it all the time. But actually, I would rather feel that than... whatever happens when i'm quiet. It is almost a relief after these years of abuse to actually be getting some results.
I think i'm slowly getting better behind the bar. I hope... Couldn't get worse, anyway.
over and out x
Started that evening.
I have to wear a t-shirt, and I am so awful at being behind the bar. But.. maybe it will help me learn some self-confidence ? Who knows.
I worked the last three nights in a row... and have around 20 hours a week. The hours are awful, I have to clean toilets- puke and everything. Although I am pretty used to the puke. hmm. awkward.
I've been taking the Ephedra. It makes my heart skip and race. I like the feeling. Its out of my control. I like that i;m finally breaking. And eating around 400 calories a day. Its making me so ill, physically. Messing up my stomach and I feel so out of it all the time. But actually, I would rather feel that than... whatever happens when i'm quiet. It is almost a relief after these years of abuse to actually be getting some results.
I think i'm slowly getting better behind the bar. I hope... Couldn't get worse, anyway.
over and out x